Dreamy

Let me start with my ordeal for the last 2 days. I was ready to go online to wait for my sweety when i can't connect to my wireless!! *panic. Called Singnet and can't connet to myt modem using cable as well!! *panic x2. Spoke to the patient man from Singnet Technical Support for bout 30 mins and finally hung up as there's no help to my lappy. Called dage and QY for help but to no avail as both are sleepy. Tried all ways and means on my own and FINALLY i got connect using cable! The uneasy me decided to try again yesterday night, after my sis told me that they changed the modem password. *%^!@! in thoughts. Went ahead and called singnet again since i am able to connect to my modem using cable. This time the patient lady guide me through and finally my wireless is connected!! So what's the problem? The kuku Singnet Technical Support who helped my sis to change my modem password did not guide my sis to change the wireless password in my computer. AND the kuku told her that there is no need to change it in my lappy! * @#$@^ in thoughts again. WTH! Are you able to open a door with the wrong key??????? What a kuku.. But never mind, since i had solved my wireless problem i shall not change my password again, just in case my sis wanna use my wireless again. Actually why it did not occur to my sis that i am actually using my international password which they know???? Buahahhaa!!

Oh... the ever gossipy me is hunting for entertainment news again!!! This time i came across Korean entertainment news. Oh! This brought back my love for Kim Jae Won and decided to look up on his news. The last time i ever saw him on screen was in Jolin Tsai MV. Ok.. In case anyone who read this and don't know who this handsome, cute Korean guy is, he appeared in Jolin Tsai's mv in 特务J as the first guy to be killed by her. What a waste to see my Kim Jae Won died. Haiz.. My poly friends will know that i had been crazy bout him since Poly and fantasize alot on him. Oh!! Buahahaha!! Long live Kim Jae Won!!

Had been quite bored ever since i changed my job. Nobody to exchange gossips as this office is toooooooooo QUIET!! At least i still have Angie to discuss entertainment gossips and exchange our information. Not only that, we also exchange shopping websites (mostly provided my Angie) and products information.. Miss that kinda days alot!! Even after Ho Tzu Ming had left SG, no more movie lobang from him... Miss him as well.

Update: Just when i was complaining here that no gossip khaki around, Angie called me and exchange news on the scandal!! And i read up on Lindsay Lohan posing nude for photoshoot as Marilyn Monrue..

Sugar darling & some news

I think i should call him sugar in future. He is such a sweet baby/darling/dear.. He knew about my diminishing interest in facebook and decided to help me out instead. Help me log in and feed my "rubbish", race my car, bike and plane. So sweet right?? Can't help but to miss him so much for the things he had done for me. Not only the facebooking things la.. of course there are more that he had done. Leaving all the planning to me while he do the final backend thing (which is to pay $$). Remind me on my spendings and maintain as sweet as he is. Sometimes, i wonder is it due to our distance that he is so caring. Because that is usually not the case when he is in SG. Hmm..... but nevertheless, i still love him..

An update to add on to my read gossip online. Guess many of you already know this "old news" on Edison Chen. Honestly speaking, me being as gossipy as ever, read up about some news on him... Am seriously waiting for him to reply on that scandal. Think from all these scandal days, we still see some sad piece of news. Lydia Sum is pronounced dead from her liver cancer.. so sad. She had always been my favourite comedian since young. But i think probably her fans are expecting this because she had been ill for so long. And one last thing.. Forgot to talk about this when it ended.. FINALLY writers' strike is OVER at hollywood!!!! looking forward to watch my Grey's Anatomy!! So exciting *drool*!!! STOP torturing me with no Grey's Anatomy.. *looking forward to it..

Monday Blue

Received a ridiculous and childish conversation yesterday.. will not blog about it because had decided to remain silent and move on since i had not heard or ask anything about this for months and my stand remains. Even a topic of similar was brought up, it will become a full stop at me and asked to shut up on those who bring it up. All knows that i would not wana be involve in any topic bout * as * is too close to me. I was offended at first but decided to let go as i treat it as a growing up process. It is not a challenge and one have to learn to understand. No one is a winner nor loser. It is how you handle certain situation as a mature adult.

Hmm.. not so blue today as this week i am only working for 4 days!!! finally my long wait to braces is coming.. Friday will be my first appointment and also the decision making day (not much decision to make coz i had already decided on doing it!). Crossing my fingers that dear will be back and no more hiccups this week.. god.. if you are listening please help me.. Buahahhaaha!! Going waxing again!!

Dear had been very supportive when he is needed to. Really appreciate his effort on everything and remain as sweet during certain time. When asked why is he doing certain thing he will reply "bec ause my girlfrend is bla bla".. Sweet right? love him so much...

disappointment~ one after another

Cant help but felt disappointed AGAIN. Was having lunch.. Q-ing to get my food when a sms from this familiar number came. and it says "Sorry dear. Think need to extend for a week". WTH! I was so happy that mext week i am only working for 4 days and can celebrate our late V day on thurs and i receive this thing. Was counting down to tuesday this morning when i wake up. Really hate it!!! No motivation now...

Happy Valentines' Day!!

Ya, received a sms this morning. First sms on thius day will never fail to be him. It was him last year, its him again this year. This fateful day without him is really very very sad. Received a surprise this morning from dear! Kinda expected actually and i guessed he knew that i knew it after he request for my namecard last week. Buahaha!! he likes to send flowers to my office.. Had not have the chance to take photo with the boutique.. hmm.. think better ask my sis to help me later when i reach home.. Buahaha!! Though this is not a very surprising surprise, i am still very very happy to receive it from him. Thanks Dear! *Some more add ons to the pics..

Excited

How many more months to go?? Wanna go Aussie... surfing for alot of things and is very very excited.. Please dun steal this excitement away...

Grumpy

Really kinda getting irritated with all these arrangements and is getting grumpy..

STOP going overseas during ALL occassion!!!! For Xmas, NYE or V day!! Getting so irritated and that's not a joke!!!

Happy New Year!!!!

Happy Rat Year everyone!!!! This is definately a long weekend break for all because there's a FOUR DAYS break! And this 4 days i did nothing but GAMBLE my way through!! buahahhaha!! Of course its a visiting period to different relatives house. Because i have a very big family 3 days out of 4, i visited 3 relatives places. Its usually a gathering period for my family during this time. When i say 3 relatives it doesn't mean my own family only, i mean, the gathering was held at 3 different places with (almost) everybody present. And this usually needs a very big place to contain all of us, so it will never be my house when it comes to this kinda gathering. Most probably some relatives will have to sit at the coridor if its at my place.. Buahahha!!! Like what dear always says, my family is really BIG. Nevertheless, we do contirbute ALOT to the noise pollution at the area we land.. Buahahaha!!! For examples yesterday, when i called mummy to ask for the unit number of my 3rd uncle's house, she told me, "its level 3, at the corner, just listen to the noisiest corner and you will find us." @_@

Let me digress now.. Really hope for some improvement recently. Here's another thing i am not able to celebrate, and that's Valentines' Day. Really had not celebrated this day for very very long. Ok we chuck the stupid coffee and cookie celebration 2 years ago aside, come to think of it i had not been celebrating it after LF and that's like FIVE years! OMG! Like people always says, there is no need to celebrate it as it's V day everyday. But i had not really celebrated V day can. and i wana celebrate it can! Dear is going overseas for that day. His boss called him yesterday and actually wanted him to fly today but he rejected and may be flying tomorrow (we are suppose to celebrate early and the fateful day is also tomorrow). So angry when i heard that and almost called his boss up to slap him left, right, center! He was telling me after he return and for the first time we discussed our Aussie trip in the car!! I like him to be involved in the planning as well. This made me feels that I am not deciding on everything and at least he agrees on the search. Well, one thing he can be sure is that his "spoiled" girlfriend will never wanna stay in any hotel below 4*. It is als good that at least i will be the one searching while he will be the one checking the location. Hopefully everything turns out ok... buahaha!! ok.. let me start my search again. We still have 6 months to go but probably bout 3 months to plan because we have to book.

feebie

Gosh.. this morning woke up and was kinda devastated. My first instinct was to check my nails which were done yesterday and it was badly destroyed my me last night... ARGH!! Gotta save it tonight when i get home and shall stop doing manicures at night near bed time. Painted both my hands and legs red!! SO.......... bloody.. Buahahahaha~!!

Dear boss is a stupid idiot as well.. wanted to send him to Penang at this kinda festive time??!! Cumon! you are a chinese as well and you should know the importance of CNY right? you can damn jolly well row back to Taiwan for your reunion with family and you dare to suggest to let my bf go Msia! Some more the customer already agree to see a caucassian can! Idiot! your boss already agree to send somebody else can. Stop being so stupid and selfish. In whole.. i just think that his boss is a MCP! *angry

Since the new year is approaching, i shall stop cursing. To my friends, if you are unhappy, please forget it for this period and enjoy the long weekend. Happy CNY!

Weekend update~

Ok.. last weekend was quite an eventful weekend. When i talk about eventful ,its usually in the evening. There was a birthday celebration for dear last friday by his friends and he wanted me to go with him so i went. That was quite an unhappy night for me. The dinner with his another group of friends was fine and then we proceed to the nearby club where his friend reserved a table for him. Everything was fine and i enjoyed taking the photos until about 3am, there's suddenly a group of stupid idiots who came near our table and eventually stepped into our bounderies.

Cumon! that's a reserved seat and its the kinda priority sofa seats can! Without even asking for permission you guys just happily joined in and even put your fcuking alcohol on our table. MOST IMPORTANTLY don't you know that it is a non smoking area for ALL CLUBS in SINGAPORE?? and one by one you guys just light up your fcuking cigerettes. At that point of time i just hope that someone will come over catch this group of fcuking idiots and fine them! its a FINE country and you PAY for what you shouldn't do! I was so damn bloody irritated and tired that i stood up and told dear I AM LEAVING! Can't stand sitting there for even a second longer! Dear.. sorry i ruined the party your friends had arranged for you..

Anyway, his friends are nice people and tried to make him drunk that night. We drove there after i jokingly told him that i will drive him back. As he took it for real, i really have to drive him back that day. We left slightly after 3am i think and he slept till 1 plus the next day (yes he is a PIG! a fat PIG who sleeps alot!). He promised me he won't sleep till 3pm and in fact he woke up before that and went to sleep again at 3pm.

Gotta wake him up and go for dinner with me as i had reserved a seat at original sins (click on the word "original sins" to see the website.. the link wasn't obvious). Buahahhaa!! If you guys really believe my "exotic" food claim, that is just to keep him in suspense. Made him think that i will bring him to some "bloody" restaurant for lotza meats! but too bad, its time for some vege. Love that restaurant alot! This is the second time i'm there for food. The staffs there are very very nice and friendly (highly recommend this restaurant). The couple beside us wished dear happy birthday after we (one of the staff and me) sang him a birthday song when the complimentry tiramisu arrived. He finally saw his gift!! Buahaha.. so happy when he mentioned he was quite happy with it.. Hehehehe.... Really hope he was surprised by this arrangement. Shall load the pics when i am free (again).

Approaching CNY

No festive mood this year... don't ask me why. Probably that's because of my flu. Was down with flu these few days and is still under medication. I had took one day MC from work after not being able to hold for 2 days at work. Partly i don't wanna be the one spreading the virus to the rest of my colleagues. They had been quite afraid of me on both Monday and Tuesday because i was coughing and sneezing non stop.

After resting the whole afternoon (i woke up at 7.30am yesterday to work the report as one of my colleague is on leave i can't leave the other colleague to die with my absence), i went out for dinner with dear in the evening for dinner. Popped a pill and drank the cough syrup before i went out yesterday. In the end i felt quite stone from the effect of my medicine. Was quite easily irritated because i wasn't feeling too well yesterday, and certain simple small things can make me angry. We were suppose to go for movie but i was quite shocked to see that Vivo only have movies until 6 and the rest of the time were not scheduled for any movies. In the end, so it turns out to be a premier screen of thr Fann Wong and Lee Guo Huang new show. I thought that its the screening of CJ7 and wanted to stay till i see Stephen Chow (i am not his fan) but walked away upon seeing the exact show screened.

Not much to say also, sales every where and i thought of getting a jacket for the Aussie trip this Aug because its some sales on thick jackets as winter is ending. Haiz.. but it ended up too big for me. the sizes left are all 14 and 16. Normally size 12 is already big for me because i wear from 8 to 10 depending on the cutting. So gotta walk out of River Island in disappointment. Other than that, we had dinner at the Kim Gary Cafe (my favourite and he know it!) as suggested by dear. Ate my usual curry mix grilled which i was not suppose to be eating because i was sick but cant resist it. The rest of the food will turn out tasteless and i seriously need to bost my appetite with spicy food. Dear tried to make me say what exotic food i will bring him to after i asked him to chose Barnacles (we went there last year) or "something new". I am not going to tell you where i will be bringing him in case there's a leak of secrecy until his birthday. Buahaha! Since Saturday is approaching.... lets wait till i post it after i celebrate it with him!

SICK AGAIN~

Haiz.. had been sick 4 times in 2 months.. How bad can that be? Its very very bad... Had been sneezing the whole morning and craving for pineapple tarts and popiah.. Having dizzy spells but i don't think i am having fever. In office now because this week one of my colleague is on leave and i cant leave the other colleague to die. Damn bloody sick now.

Meaningful Sunday

Being meaningful doesn't mean it won't hurt me.. I suffered from this as well.. Buahhaha!! As my family knows, i had been involved in some volunteery work recently.Gotta thank J for this as she was the one who asked me along. After my Sec sch days i had always wanted to do something charitable and volunteering but could not find a chance to do it or rather i don't know how to start it. This is something that was organized by her client and the first time we did that was last year's Deepavali. The one we did the other time is like a 1 Hr job of 100packs of Bee Hoon and Congee. This time, its a 300 sets (total of 900packs) of food and neccessities to 4 places. the 300 sets are for 3 different HDB areas while the 1 final destination for yesterday was the home for the disabled. It was really physically tiring as we have to carry so many bags which each set is about 8 to 10Kg. I was lucky to have the trolley, J who suffered under the manual labor was having aches all over her body.

I remembered the wrong time that's why reached F house earlier than anyone. But at least i did help by being early. Wow.. the morning was stressed. Helped out checking the packs which was packed the day before by the rest and put in the things that were missing from it. Perspired till my whole shirt turns WET (how disgusting).. after that we transferred the things from F house to the ground floor to have the things loaded in the vehicles. We have 2 lorries, 2 Vans and bout 6-7 cars and all FULLY LOADED (non of the car can see from their rear view mirror)! one of the van was over loaded till the tired went flat. It was really very very tiring physically but emotionally satisfied. Yah... ALL of us did not had breakfast and we started moving the HEAVY loads until bout 1245hr. I was lucky to reach the 2nd destination early and ate with V before the rest came. But they had lunch before we started to give things at the 2nd destination.

When i reached dear's place yesterday(or even before i reach), i told him i wana bathe badly. After i bathe, i insisted him to help me massage my back and luckily he helped me yesterday night as well. That's so sweet of him (once in a while only). My back don't hurt today and i can walk. BUT..... As i had not been feeling well the whole weekend, now i am painful at my legs, butt, stomach, shoulder (can't even lift my right hand) and throat. AND i am coughing non stop, and suffered from blocked nose. I need to take MC but i am scared to take it because this week is a rather stressful week. I WANA GO HOME!!

Disappointed~

Sometimes, a simple "why?" can create so much emotions. a phase "don't feel like" can hurt, disappoint. Be it unintentional or what, it still can't hide disappointment. Not expecting any answer to it, sometimes just feel like listening to lies. If that is too much concern, if that is not what i expected.. probably i am asking too much, you aren't thinking about this or neither had it crossed your mind. It makes me wonder what am i to you. Yes, you are good and is good to me. Try to make me happy when i am not and was even patient to me. Patience just moved out from me.. What is future in this sense? Maybe am thinking too much.

Fantasy....

So tired today.. Reached home slightly after 12 this morning because dear and i went for a movie yesterday night. We were out and talking and i asked him about our trip on August. I got so excited at the thought of it! And the excitement was carried forward today! buahahaha!!! We were suppose to go during May after his exam. But i changed my mind and made it in Aug during our anniversary instead. Two reasons for that.. one.. I need more time to save and two.. it will be winter!! buahahaha!! I need a different climate from SG.. Its so tiring to spend 365 days in summer. He doesn't sound enthu enough to Gold Coast but suggested Sydney after i gave another 2 suggestions of Perth and Melbourne.

I had also suggest to take the night flight on friday if possible and by the time we reach will be saturday morning which won't waste too much of our time since there is a time difference of 3 hours. Hopefully we are able to make it to 2 places both Gold Coast and Sydney. He doesn't wana play the rides. Probably too old to play the roller coasters?? Haiz my grandfather is also old and he took one indoor roller coaster ride with us at Thailand (i didn't know that its roller coaster ride, thought it was some haunted house ride). But i wanna go Movie world!! I wana see Tweety Bird.. and the remark i get from him was "What's so nice about a bird which can't fly?" @_@ Hmm.. but he agreed to take a look at the tour agencies together. Maybe have to book it early because he said that the filght i wanna take is usually very crowded.

Ok.. Let me be a movie critic for a while. Went to watch The Mist yesterday. Seriously feel like slapping the yahoo critic left right center. What is wrong with the person man! This show is damn bloody boring (humorous at times). It is too lengthy in front and at the middle. Too nagged when they drive around in the mist especially when the GIGANTIC alien walk past them and their decision to die when they run out of petrol. Honestly speaking, luckily the tickets are $6 after discount yesterday. Otherwise i would have slap myself left right center for watching this stupid movie on weekends.

Strange dream...

Hmm.. I dreamt of him last night. It had been like so long since i last dreamt of him. Why do i still dream of him???!!! I should not be thinking of him or even dream of him. Ok.. i get paranoid when i dream of him. Wanna get him out of my mind since i can't get him out of my life. It always shows a sign when i dream of him. He is considered a ban in my life and i told myself if i dream of him the sign is bad. Probably that's because of my mood swing.

Enough of him.. I do hate him a little now and is trying to convince myself to forget about it since hating someone is bad for my health (physically and mentally). This morning i suddenly remembered that i had an appointment on sunday morning. Guess what? I am gonna have another meaningful weekend. 2 weeks ago i agreed to help out with J on the charity work and i totally forgot about it until just now! So i called her and asked her for confirmation. Gotta help her pack the things on sat afternoon as well. Really enjoy doing it.. This time its a bigger version of what we had done on Deepavali. I heard from J that they got sponsors to support the food. counting down to weekend again..

Depressed~

Feel like closing this blog. Feeling quite depressed recently for no particular reason. Just feel depress. It should not be PMS cause it just ended.. Buahahaha! Ya.. Since when had i changed to so pessimistic? Seems like my temper is quite bad recently. I know my temper had never been good but not this bad for so long. What is wrong with me? Probably i need CL to wake me up this time.. He always like to scold me when i am down and he never fail to make me cry when i feel depressed. Why? Because he never fail to speak the words i avoid, the things which i hate and in fact what i detest. Guess i really miss him alot.. oh.. come to think of it, we had been friends since 1994.. and thats like 14 years ago! OMG! He doesn't like me to remind him how long had we been friends because it makes him feels old. How great is it to have a friend who reads you like a book right? And that pair of X-ray eyes... Don't misunderstand me.. He is a very very good friend of mine..

Sick~

Ya.. I am sick again..... it was like 1 month ago when i recovered from flu and now here i am sneezing my way from home to work. Something is very wrong with the train this morning. Reached bugis at about 7.45am and saw that there were no train service from Tanah Merah to Pasir Ris! Lucky my last stop will be Tanah Merah. But the train is still very slow. It will stop at each stop for about 5 mins then it will proceed. So SO SO tired.. No coffee this morning and this can really kill me. Feeling so sleepy now cause of my flu....

Ok.. an add on to this morning post. Buahaha!! Think i should praise him abit and thank him for trusting me. Dear FINALLY let me drove his car on saturday but he said it have to be under his survelliance. I know its abit dumb but at least he let me drive it. Nothing much to say about his car cause i drove that model before and have no special comment to it. Honestly i was quite shocked that he was willing to let me drive him. It was in his friend's wedding dinner and he said that after he asked if i am drinking. Well, you can guess that my answer was "no" that's why he let me touch the steering.. BUahhahaa!! I still think he was joking until he passed me the key. Oh.. and he made me turned illegally at a junction. What an evil man... and people will think female drivers like to do horrible stunt.. haiz..

Indeed is just a phase

Like i had blogged few days ago, my rush of getting married is gone!!!!! Yah... i know its very very fast. People who know me well and close knows that i actually don't like the idea of marriage. Well, ever since R proposed to me in the middle of the night, and my decision to leave him to be with SL, i had a mind set that marriage is just a reason to bear certain responsibility. It might not sound logical, even my sisters think i am weird but that's my fear. Probably i was in certain relationship before, and my friend is still in it now. It made us some how wonder what is the reason of a "sacred" marriage. Is there still faith in it? So i suppose, it should be better to remain as now. YEAH! I should thank god for saving me from that silly thinking... BUahahahaha!!!

My new job

Ok.. think i had been blabbering too much about that uncle i did miss out a part of my life.. and that is my new job. Few actually know bout what i am doing now, so i think i better find some nice things to say about my job. As that few knows that i actually is lucky enough to take over this account who is a super troublesome customer (i have 3 accounts on hand now). Lucky right? The girl (my customer) who was previously working with me took over another part of the work and i heard that the "new" guy who took over is actually an ex-staff in that company. So of course, my life turned better.

When i first saw the name of this guy (ok lets call him TSL) i had a shocked! It bear such similarity to the TSL i know! Obviously i know that he was not the b* TSL who i know. Instead of 10 alphabets, this TSL only have 9. Because it bear such coincidence to the name, (except for the "L") i wondered is he "his" brother.

Ok, time to stop talking about that b* TSL, lets come back to my customer. He is so so so funny today! I was quite frustrated with them yesterday because they made me stayed in the office till late and decided to be harsh on them today! But today, TSL was quite funny, this afternoon after lunch, i replied him an email to request him to remove one of this person's name and he replied in another mail to remove his colleague's name from the email list as well. And also i forgot to add his name into the email which was sent out earlier on and have to resend to him again. Well, guess what he replied me? "and of cos add my name la, add now into yr mass email group, b4 u forget, haha" *fainted (i mean myself). Funny right? ok.. if it is not funny to you never mind, because i was quite stressed out today its a joke to find a reason to have faith in my work....

Grumble~

Yesh! Saturday is approaching! Well, just realise that people are looking forward to Sat because of Jay Chou concert but i am not. BUahahahaha!! So tired to wake up everyday! finally dun have to do it next week. I was day dreaming this morning and some flash back came into me. It may be the same for all aquarius. J told me that she behave the same way in private as well. My sisters and mum think that he doesn't treat me as good as i treat him. Instead i think i am quite mean in private and is always easily angry at some things he said. He won't usually coax me in public, especially when friends and family are around. Most of the time i will smile and be nice in public and scold him in private. Well that's most of the time if i am in good mood (which most of the time i am in good mood). Like what my sisters had said, because all these can only be seen by me, people won't know. Sometimes, it is really right when people says only those in the relationship will know what is happening. Think had been blogging alot about hi,. Seriously, i really miss him alot.

A little thought

Seems like there's alot of happiness around recently. Saw YY solemnization (oh! what a young couple), Michelle getting married in Apr, J maybe getting married this year, Lleroy is out and Ethyl gonna have a little brother soon. Think this is the first time after so many years that i have this rush of stabling down. Buahahaha!! I told er jie that i kind envy my friends who had plans to settle down and was thinking if i should discuss this with dear. We just started the relationship about half a year ago and i guess neither of us are still ready to settle down. This time i was telling myself, if only i can put reality aside, and fantasize on happily ever after, how nice can this be. Well, life is always cruel. Probably i heard too many good news and have this rush to settle down. Hope that this is just a phase. There are so many things i have not complete and I am still young. Considering a guy's age, i think dear is quite young as well and i think with his family history (his sisters), don't think he will settle down at his age. Probably i should ask him bout his plan coz seems like i am always the one planning (our holiday trips).

Really miss him so much!

Can we forward th time???? please!!

I am really going crazy! Cant stand not being able to see dear face to face. He is so far away and I seriously is gonna fall sick just thinking of him. Have so many things to tell him face to face. Wanna hug him and eat with him.. Wanna go for movie with him and simply stay around him... Can we forward the time and bring him back to me asap?

9 more days!

So tired...... so so so tired.... Was thinking of dear the whole of yesterday and today.. Can't get him off my mind..... so torturing to not able to hear him... Haiz... Can someone just forward the time?? i wanna be with him.........

Monday Blues

Its the start of the week and i am so so so unlucky. Today is the start of my 2 new accounts and my team suddenly have no access to the network drive! It means we have no reports to work on for our customer. What a monday to skive! buahahaha!!

Let me rewind the time to yesterday, er jie came home yesterday!! She will be staying over with her little piglet for a few days. Piglet is so cute, greedy and kaypo!! What happened?? Ok.. After er jie fed him yesterday, he was left on the bed to sleep. You can see that he was so sleepy and tired when he opened and closed his eyes in a reluctant manner. Naughty me just like to tease him, so i woke him up from his sleep and teased him. As he could hear someone talking to him, he started to kaypo and tried hard to open his eyes.. Buahahahha!!! Then i start to put my finger below his lower lip to make him feel like theres more milk coming he opened his mouth! buahahaa!!! The cute little piglet smiled everytime i disturbed him!! So cute~ He was smiling the whole day i think. He smiled at night too.. Ehtyl must be happy to see him today.. Cant wait to go home tonight.. BUahahhaha!!

TGIF!

Finally... the week is ending... and he is back today!!!! but flying tomorrow... boring right?am so so so so tired every day..... it is like sometimes i dun even know why.. After i met Adrian (SIC) that day and he commented that i looked very very tired and wasn't as lively as i used to be.. He still preferred the Gina in SEZ. Probably I really enjoy the evironment at SEZ. Almost everyone behaves like a big big family and were very close to each other. That is a reason why that was not a place to keep secret. Hahaha!! like we always so... there's no secret in that company..

Oh.. I miss my ex company so much..

believe it or not part II

It is usually very difficult to understand a woman, especially a single woman turning 30 this year. This is not a curse neither is it anything to pin point whoever. Adrian sent me a link today to check out who are the people who had blocked me in their MSN and i did that to confirm what i suspected. It fact her email address was there! In case you don't understand what i am trying to say. Let me turn back time to bout 1.5 year ago ok... That was when i first entered my previous company. My first friend there was definately the particular department which was suppose to be very popular among all employees (not for the previous company, that particular department wasn't the popular kinda people.). She was a very nice sweet lady but temperamental. I thought she was the most popular person in the company but it turns out otherwise after i get to know other people.

It was slightly after my second month in the company that she told me dear was asking her out for movies. Often, she will describe to me what they had done during the "date". It was soon after my third month in the company that dear asked me out for movie as well. Well, i guess he likes to go for movie with people. Probably that was because i teased him bout the movie "dates" he went with her. It was some particular incident that happened to the both of them and i got to know about it as she narrated to me her "dates". At that time, i did asked her if dear was to go after her would she have accepted him. Guess her answer? She nodded and at that point of time, she was attached with a boyfriend who often had disappearence act. That is all for the history. So tell me.. are your thinking what i am thinking??

Believe it or not

Came across some interesting things these 2 days. I suspect an ex colleague (M) had blocked me and dear in MSN and removed us from her facebook friendlist. What makes me think so? Ok.. the story started yesterday. This close ex colleague (B) was talking to me on MSN and told me that he was chatting with M online. I was taken aback cause i had not seen her online for very very long. At first i thought its my network, then i saw some ex colleagues online and i asked them. The answers were the same, she is online! Of course the last one i will definately ask dear and he told me that he don't see her online! hmm.... If you think i am thinking too much what about this..

As usual, i finished my work early, i went to facebook and peep around. Something was telling me to click on M and my itchy hands reacted to my brain's signal. To my surprise, she is no longer on my list of friends! I checked all our common network (my ex coulleagues) and everyone, except dear and me still have her in the list! Why is she blocking us out? I am not quite sure about it as well but i am suspecting something. It is something which i believe i am correct.

好相见到你

Happy new year!! ok.. this is the first day of the year but i am so so so bored. how i wish friday will arrive faster. ya.. i went for fish leong concert that day with da jie. not bad, i had been listening to her for quite sometime and enjoy her song. dun mistook me as her fan.. i am not a fan of fish leong, just that i like her song and i do think she is quite good. shall upload the photo when i am free.

bye 2007

People will usually come out with their new year resolution today because this is the last day of new year... as for me.. i cant help but to feel lonely today.. i miss dear so much.. it seems like the 2 weeks are passing very very slowly... i miss him so much... kinda feel lost without him.. why?? i don't know either.. dun feel like putting on make up today.. dun feel like looking pretty today.. what a disappointing last day of the year...

A late Xmas

If anyone ever asked me what is the best Xmas gift i had ever received, i would have replied its this late Xmas card. WHY? I was so down and disappointed this week because my New Year and Xmas would be kinda boring as dear wasn't around for our first festival. BUT....

Yesterday i did not go for dinner with Adrian because it was Ming's farewell at his place. Ming is gonna return to Taiwan and this may be the last time i can taste his food!! ok, i am greedy. So to join in the "see Ming for the last time" action, i gotta postpone the dinner with Adrian again. Returned home real late yesterday night after 12 and decided to look at my CC bill when i saw this red envelope on my desk. It's obviously a card under the red envelope; the first thought that came into my mind was "Oh my god! Who's getting married??" I flipped over to the other side and observed the envelope with care when i saw the address at the corner, i smiled. Its dear's address, and why would he send me a card? I opened the card with care and read the content of the greeting card! It felt so sweet. Dear's card removed my fatigue and filled me with love. It broght back my memory to why he wants to post something at the airport and asked me to get some drinks from Starbucks. I didn't even know that he has a card in his bag when i was at his place while he packed it!

This is really sweet! i know he won't read my blog but i still wanna thank him for keeping my disappointment in mind.

New skin again!!

buahahaha!! Yes! I changed my skin again. Think i always have the tendency to change my skin super often. I am quite happy with this skin because i was the one who changed the font to my fav and the size to a big one!! What do you think of this skin?? nice??

Haha!! so tiring. Gotta go for a dinner with Adrian tonight and rush home to video call my POOH!! buahahaa!! ya, i forgot that QS, YX, SA and BH think that dear look like Winnie the Pooh. Especially after they met him in person, they think that he really resembles the disney character. Jie Jie also agrees after i told her that. I felt that he does resembles Pooh after staring at the Pooh sticker in the bathroom for 20 mins while i was bathing. Buahaha!! Can't wait till next friday when he return Spore. Though its just a short stay for probably 30 hours before he fly to Austria, i am still happy that i can see him after 2 weeks! Really looking forward to see him.....

Down on luck

Think i am kinda unlucky after i changed my job.. seriously wondering if it is my fault or is this some kinda message god i trying to tell me.. ever since i took after this customer, noting good had ever happened.. i'm always making mistakes and the irritating customeralways have different questions which i don't have the final answer... OMG! how can my dream job turn out to be a nightmare??? i have to endure it.. i told myself to bear with the long distant for 3 years and this is just 1.5 mths after i started my new job... i gotta hypnotize myself now..

i can do it.. i can do it... i can do it.. i can do it... this is my career... this is my career... this is my career... this is the right turn... this is the right turn... this is the right turn...

sometimes i really regret leaving SEZ... probably is because of the amount of money i am able to earn there... though my current work place pay me quite well.. but the travelling itself can kill me.. i don't mind coming to work early.. but i realized that i am not willing to stay long.. because the time i reach home will be very very late... ok.. for the sake of this job title and my future... i shall grab on to this job...

Haagen Das Foundue~

Hahaha!! the day before dear fly we decided to spend his haagen das voucher... so.. to prevent any troubles.. we decided to order fondue.. he wasn't particularly interested in chocolate... but to accompany his girlfriend.. he had to eat it... buahaha..

Monday blues

Oh.. can't get to sleep yesterday night... woke up every few hours just to realise that my throat still hurts alot... had a really eventful weekend.. went to ex company's DND and had a crazy night.. well.. lazy me still had yet load the photos to my lappy... procretinating again... met BH and YX yesterday for dinner!! BH is back!! yeah!! if there's no change of plan.. we shall all go club after QS mummy's birthday celebration!!! yeah!!!

Weekend

Oh...What a tiring weekend... had the family chalet last weekend and stayed on friday only... my back was so painful on staurday i cant even walk.. dear have to send me home at night... it was very fun and i was enjoying it until my camera has this "lens error" message.. got it changed yesterday... i just got it from the IT fair 1 week ago and it is spoiled now! Gotta sense it since the first day i on the camera it already prompted this error but was recovered until my fun photo taking session...

I wasn't quite happy on saturday as well.. i went to dear's place to meet him because we have to go to my aunty's place to pick up some things before we go Pasir Ris.. when we were about to leave his house his nephew shouted "jiu jiu (uncle), po po (grandma) said that your girlfriend very naughty. always come to our house!" i guess whoever who heard this would definately react the same way as i did... i treated it as nothing and was boiling in me.. WTF! i asked dear in the car if what his nephew had said is true and he couldn't answer me.. dear said i was very petty to be angry and indeed i am petty.. so what if i am petty?! don 't i have the right to be even angry at all?? i wanted to spend more time with him and is trying to accomodate into both our schedule... when he was studying for his exam i went to get him his camera.. Q for so long ignoring my aching back and brought him the camera... and since he like to watch soccer so much and to spend more time with him i would rather watch the boring games with him at the same time enjoy our wine and this is the comment i get in return?! OK FINE! i told him i will not go over his place anymore! and i told myself not even a dinner or stepping into that place! i am super angry with it... and since his mum doesn't like him to stay over at my place.. that shall be it.. it is not as if my mum likes me to stay at his place as well...

if u ever asked me why do i believe in this nephew.. well.. anyone should understand that children are usually very honest..and when he asked his nephew not to be rude his nephew said its true.. that's what dear's mum had said.. IF anyone who read this will not get angry with the above mentioned comment by my dear's nephew please let me know and tell me how i can stop being angry.. i am still boiling in me and i did told dear staight in his face yesterday that i will stop going over his place... so angry... i really fully agree with what CW had said bout women of this particular dialect!

Crazy Monday

Guess i was really mad to do this... Was asked out by J yesterday night.. guess what time i reached home?? its 2am in the morning!!!!!!! and after sleeping for 3 hours i gotta get up.. OMG! no wonder i did not react to the alarm clock!! Ya.. we went Wala Wala for a drink.. sorry.. not a drink is 4 JUGS of beers!! damn.. We had the first 2.5 jugs before CW (that's the only guy) joined us... Three girls got so high on beers.. and in case you are wondering how can we get so high on beers i can tell you its because of this stupid game that we played.. the rules of the game goes like this.. winner will get the next person to drink and if that round of guess you did not get it.. you will have to drink at every wrong guess you've made.. so we were stuck several times and drank alot...

Our second round was at Stanley Pub.. went there to sing and DRINK again... at the end of the day... we were really very very high.. and as my friends know.. i don't look nice whe i am drunk so... i controlled!! Buahahahaa!! Really miss those Bintan days when we are there doing nothing and playing around, not forgetting... getting drunk... Took some photos yesterday night but had not loaded it.. shall share after i load it ;p

Weekend IT fair

Thought my weekend will be bored without dear? Buahaha.. nope! i spent most of my weekend Q-ing at the IT fair... it was very very crowded during weekend... went on both Saturday and Sunday... ALONE.. suppose to get dear his camera on Saturday.. who knows the queue is so long that i have to queue for 1.5 hours just to get his camera.. and the blur me in the end checked the free gifts instead of the camera.. guess what happened? the gu gu man gave me Ixu 70 instead of Ixus 75! which is bout $60 difference... of coz my Ixus 75 is much more expensive.. that's whhy went to exchange it on Sunday.. but that is not the only reason why i was there on Sunday.. i went to get my camera as well... hehehehe... I was chosing between Nikon and Sony.. in the end... i ended up chosing my favorite and most trusted brand -- NIKON!! S200... ok.. not a very new camera but was a slimmer one comparing to S510.. saw S510 thickness i almlost cried... guess this is quite a cheap deal.. $339 for a camera.. the online price is $439... bauhahahaha!!! yeah!! finally get my own camera!!

Think i had quite a few new gadgets last weekend.. collected my free lappy on Friday.. got a webcam for both dear and me on Saturday.. the webcam was from Logitech.. well.. another brand i trust.. it is 1.3 megapixel with an inbuilt mic.. Guess i dun need the mic.. but the picture quality was not bad and it wasn't that lag... and with my new cammy.. i declare myself broke...

thursday!!

yesh! finally its thursday and tomorrow is friday!! going for dinner with Jason and Joanne later in the evening... but having stomach cramp today... considered 1st day of mensus... had spots yesterday evening.. so lets consider it as first day today.. great! next week my memsus will end!!! but i am in pain... and i miss him alot.. its thursday.. 1 more week and his exam will be over!!!!!!

i miss you~

Its only 2 days and i am starting to miss dear so much... ya.. anyone can say that we are still in honeymoon mood... but... we had been hanging out for quite some time before we start our relationship.. so by right.. this should not be the case.. anyway.. its still the same... whether its honeymoon or not its a good news that i miss him right??? buahahahaha!!!

I had decided not to meet him this whole week... reason being he needs to study for his coming exam next week.. i shall give him peace this whole week... and probably will only meet him after he finish his exam next week.. these few days i guess is nothing comparing to the 1 month which he will be away from Dec to Jan.. We will miss our first Xmas and NewYear.. Haiz... I am not really having any season mood.. probably because of my new job and dear going away for business trips during this period..... Dec is coming and i am working real hard to plan for his Xmas Gift and Bday Gift.. Valentines' Gift too.. OMG!!! All these events are so near to each other... Shit.. i am gonna be broke.. guess he is right to say that its better off to remain single.. buahahaha!!

wednesday mood

oohh.. noticed that i had not been blogging for bout 1 month... haiz... simply too lazy to blog.. had changed my job.. finally started at the new place.. CHANGI SOUTH!!!!! OMG!!!!! spent 4 hours travelling to and fro work...... yes i am crazy... i felt like giving up.. felt like asking mike if he still have that open position for me..... that was why i asked dear if i work in Tuas will he fetch me back for movie... he said probably will.. hmm... this sounds much better... certainly there are some reason i dun wana go to Tuas to work.. not for this moment... or rather not to accept mike's offer... i would like to work near my friends again.. but its just simply too difficult for the moment... i dun wana be invited to some unnecessary occassion....

I miz dear so much.... had not been clubbing for quite some time.. promised Joey that we will definately go clubbing when our budget is not that tight....

Crazy woman....

I was feeling rather crazy yesterday night after some beers and chivas.... not alot of it.. but i drank with an empty stomach it sent me to the hills.... it came across my mind on some question that i would like to know and i asked him yesterday night after i reached home... some girls will share my thoughts to whether their boyfriends are still in contact with their ex thus i asked him the same question... his answer to me was i was thinking too much... but he did answer my question after much persistent from me.... He always behave like this... there are certain things i know that he will answer me if i persist... well.. i will definately answer him if he asked me the same question....

J asked if i love him yesterday.. i dare not answer this question as i know i do but i am afraid of anything unhappy to happen.. you know.. we can never predict our future... At this point of time.. i just want him to be my last one... I can feel every bit of his love... and as usual.. we are another unusual couple who likes to irritate each other and at the same time we still care.. buahahaa!!! some times i wonder does he feels the same as me regarding our relationship...

Our 2 months!!!!!!

Ha! Its exactly 2 months!! not really exactly if we alk about hours... I don't think he remember... buahahaha.. maybe he does.. just that he pretend not to.. because he like to irritate me... well.. this kinda behaviour is vice versa... We will be going for dinner and movie tonight.. its my treat this time because i forgot my phone yesterday and he went to get it for me in the afternoon.. what a sweetie right??? Too bad he don't look like one.... buahahha!!! i miss him so much... buahahaha...

Feel~

Its coming 2 months next Friday.. its only so short to think about alot of future.. but the feeling in me just feels like it had been more dan 2 months.. thinking back on 12 Aug i will still feel the happiness... he knew what was in my mind back then and the words he said realy made me feel so happy... He called me yesterday night but i was already in LaLa land and don't quite remember what we spoke about.. I can only vaguely remember that he called that was the reason for me to check my phone early this morning.. i was trying hard not to call him and controlled until i went into my dreams... he will be having his test this week and is studying.. that was why i controlled myself and try not to call him... i was both happy and surprised that he called me...

i can sense his effort towards the relationship and i will try harder to be more understanding... We did not meet the last weekend.. guess we met enough during weekdays as it was like almost everyday thingy.. so i went to QS chalet on sat and he went to watch soccer with his friend after revision in school.. he did offer to drive me home after his Liverpool match because i had been sick the whole week.. and sat was quite bad also... buahaha!! but i had so much fun that i wanted to stay on... so he went back to sleep... I had always believe that we need a certain amount of personal time to spend with friends.. That's why i will still spend time with my friends and i wont restrict him to spend time with his friend... If it really unintentionally happened i hope he will voice out to make me realise it... Lastly.. i wanna say... I love you dear...

I dun wana lose you~

I just finish reading a very sad blog just now... for the whole 2 months entry from the blogger its nothing but sadness from the past relationship... i can feel her as i used to hurt people and was hurt in the end by others... that was the most horrible period of my life.. i thought i will not love anymore... i was wrong.. i am able to love but i was not able to trust.. i did told him that i know it is quite unfair for me to do this.. guess he somehow tried to accomodate my insecurity...

Sometimes certain things are really not meant to be known... what if one day you stumbled across some strange facts which you should not know?? How will you deal with it??? i was quite disturbed by my "discovery" and had chatted with J over this matter... it is my own choice because its my own luck to prop into it.. conclusion we drew was either to forget about everything and carry on being "happily ever after" or chose to investigate further and become "happily never after"... Like i had to the both Js i told.. for this time will will chose "happily ever after" because i was afraid that i will destroy my own happiness if i go deep into what i should not... It is not fair if i have to ask him to erase his past even if it is happy memory when sometimes i do go into my past memory... We do have memory... and every new future will eventually become part of our memory.. it is either we beautify it or we turns it ugly... i had enough of ugly past which i hate to face... i wanted to draw some beautiful picture with him... some nice and ever lasting picture...

I agree that i had been spending more time with him now adays... probably i had invaded into the precious time which he can be use to revise his work... but he is quite understanding and is willing to let me stay by him when he is doing his revision... in return i have to find things to do in order not to be bored... he may not be the perfect guy and may not be my dream man... as he had said.. he is from the reality not in the dream... but to me he is enough because he is willing to take my unreasonable and nonsense.. I love him... because I love him...

So tired~

I am so tired... did not have enough sleep recently.... this can be quite a torture... had tendered last week... gonna move my future to Changi South to work as a supply chain post... i was really happy that i was given the opportunity there...yesh.. its definately far from home... a 2 hrs ride at most.. iwill bear with it for a few years~!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesh! he had returned to Spore! went to the airport to fetch him that day... was so glad to see him again!!!!!!!!!! really find that our dating time is quite limited... i do miss him alot during my free time... so typical of me.. i think he is also the same... haha! so.. we will only think of each other when we are free huh....

So many 2 weeks

After 2 days of "not that much" communication... we finally talked over the phone yesterday... but he dropped me a bomb on Tuesday night... he is leaving this sunday... i was quite angry when i received the sudden message... I know that i can't be angry because there's no one to be angry with.. its not his fault that he have to go also... so i must be reasonable... haiz... so many 2 weeks!!

Missing him...

I should bear with this.. i have to... It is quite torturing though... I can't stop thinking of him... he is out some where in Singapore and I have to bear with this... There are certain thing which i dun know whether it would be appropriate for me to blog it as this is not a convenient time to do it.... Sometimes i dun even know if i had done the correct thing or said the correct words........ in a state of confusion... so sleepy now... hope he wont be caught in the stupid rain......

Weekend..

Oh.. this is a considered busy weekend.. haiz.. overspent this month and i need to save up for the next 2 months.. went out on saturday and sunday... really enjoyed these 2 days...

Preserve this....

I hope i won't lose this.. ya.. my sense of insecurity is working up again... i hope we can maintain this or move forward.. there are too much disappointment in my life.. i don't wana be disappointed and start all over again.. hmm... i was quite unreasonable yesterday night.. i missed him so much this 2 days.. and actually called him after my rehearsal.. as usual.. he chatted with me till i reach home and this time the conversation actually continued after i bathe.. haha!! he was working on his report when i called him... and the unreasonable me actually wanted him 2 put down his work and be a sweet someone for once to talk to me.. he actually did put down his work and chatted with me till 1 plus in the morning... haha!!! I wana see him this week...

Today's mood....

Came home this morning and couldn't get to sleep... I think da jie is right... sometimes certain things have to be clear especially in relationships.. i can't always be in some kinda relationship which is not recognise.. i don't even know who i am to him now.. are we good friend? or what..? i can never answer this question.. everyone around me is asking this question.. my answer is always "i don't know"... fact is i really don't know.. sometimes i really think that its also my fault that we are in this kinda situation now..
Yesterday he wanted to watch Liverpool's first match.. i can insist on going home after movie which will result in him missing the first part of the match... I can understand how disappointing will that be if he miss that so i suggested he watch his match first then send me home.. so we went to his place for him to watch his match while i surf net... I will ask myself why am i doing so much when i am not even his girlfriend... but.. i juz can't stand not treating him as good when he is so good to me.. Remember the last surprise which he missed?? The Phantom of the Opera incident.. now i know the answer to his reason to the "one month advance booking"... he actually got the ticket to "The King and I".. He told me over dinner yesterday and i don't look surprised... Fact is i really doesn't know how to react.. I am really happy that he did plan this (if this is not a one-sided feeling)...

NDP!!!

ok.. this is the first tme i watch NDP 'live' not from the TV!!! haha!!! ok... nothing that fascinating but is an experience not to be missed... like it alot.. kinda new experience...
Having my ice cream crave recently... really feels like eating ice cream... i want ice cream... i want ice cream...

grey.....

Why is everything so grey??? its always in this grey area.. i need to be patient i need to know what i am doing... being a female is so difficult... there are things which we can say or can't at certain time... everything we wanna say we gotta think twice... certain things its so difficult to hide... so whatz in a guy's mind??? maybe is my PMS controlling my emotions... but i really wana know wats in your mind... questions you don't wana answer i don't ask again.... but i really wanna know the answer!

Back from my short break...

ok.. went to Batam for a short break last weekend.... quite a relaxing one... lucky us when we stepped into the resort the sky starts to pour... and in the end we have to stay in the room for the whole afternoon... we went to reserve our spa retreat after lunch and we manage to get a slot at 9pm... so we went back to the room as it was rainy and he slept the whole afternoon and i watched disney channel for the whole afternoon... buahaha... probably i was disturbing him from his sleep most of the time because i hate to see people to sleep infront of me.. buahahaa!!! but i guess i was kind enough to let him have the bed in the afternoon because i went to the living room to watch tv... let me share some of the pictures..

Tired~

SUPER TIRED~!!! scratched my new watch during lunch just now... feels like going to genting for holiday.... but... haiz... dun talk about it... was actually quite happy coz this weekend has no rehearsal and i can go without lying.... but.. haiz... super sian... i wanna go away!!!!!!!!!! take a stupid rest and change my mood!!!

Haiz.. why do i feel so angry after hanging up....? by right i have no right to be angry... shit.. wat is wrong with me?? i am really tired by my mood swing... i am really not sure whether i am still reasonable to talk any more..

Female.....

Ok.. had a really weird dream yesterday night... dreamt of SL and we were bickering like before.. dun get the wrong idea... my before means the period of time when we were bout to end... think i had been thinking of what D had told me so much that i dreamt of him... Its not that i miss him... I do hate him till now.. but lets not talk about this...

Sometimes i think some female intuition is accurate... I am always not the kinda jealous girl whereby i get jealous easily... usually i only feel that when i felt threatened... I do admit that i am being unfair because of my past and this kinda feeling is always so strong when i see her with him.. ok.. tell me i am thinking too much.. she is only sitting beside him having lunch and bla bla.. think the worse thing is this photo which A had shown me... I am not trying to make her my enemy... sometimes certain feeling about me is very accurate and i trust my feelings when it comes... so this time round i decided to trust myself... ok.. who am i to be jealous? haiz..

I dun wanna be your friend....

Toni dear sent this song to a afew of us in office and i fell in love with it.....

I don't wanna see your face
I don't wanna hear your name
I don't wanna thing Just stay away baby
Don't wanna know if you're alright
Or what you're doin' with your life
Don't wanna hear you say you'll just stay in touch baby
I'll get by just fine
And if you're goin' then darlin' Goodbye, goodbye

Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
Don't expect me to be there
Don't think that it will be the way it was before
Don't think that I care
I'm not over you yet
And I don't wanna be your friend

I'll forget we ever met
I'll forget I ever let
Ever let you into this heart of mine baby
You just gotta let me be
You gotta keep away from me
'Cause all I want is just to be free from you baby
Don't you come around
And say you still care about me
Just go now, go now

Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
Don't expect me to be there
Don't think that it will be the way it was before
Don't think that I care I'm not over you yet
And I don't wanna be your friend

You take it casually, baby it's killing me Goodbye, goodbye
Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
Don't expect me to be there
Don't think that it will be the way it was before No baby
Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
I'm not over you yet
And I don't want to be your friend
I don't want to be your friend
Don't call me Don't come around And I don't wanna be your friend

Feeling lost again....

Had a talk with CL last night.. it just felt like we were back in school days when we will chat and chat non-stop over the phone for hours... but as we grow older... the conversation shortened and everything will end short and sweet... well this time is my problem... it used to be most of his problem whe he will call and chat... Its been so long since we last chat over the phone.. most of the time we will do it over MSN... which i hate most because he can't fully express his crude honesty through the words... even when his language is powerful... i will only feel the kinda impact and sent me crying till i sleep at night through phone conversation... ya.. that's the impact he gave me last night... i was feeling very lost recently... That is why i decided to chat with him... Just like QS, i don't have to explain much to describe much he will know what i wanna expresss... he can easily read me like a book... ok.. that goes without saying as we had known each other for for bout 14 years... he knew what i was thinking and deep down into my fault... where i refuse to let go... Oh my... that kinda words and feelings came from him through the phone caused my warm tears to flow down my cold cheeks... i can feel the trace of every drop of tear... He probably knew that i am getting emotional when i hang up because i hang up before a long palse.... he really missed my attitude... and he doesn't really like this emotional me.. Where's my attitude...?

(not so excited) saturday....

Last Sat was really a long tiring saturday... in order to prepare myself for the events on sat.. i decided to stay home early on friday, sleep early and wake up to have breakfast with both my sisters and niece... I had the events for the evening planned until dinner only.... he was the one who planned the part after dinner.... Ok.. it started on monday when da jie asked me if i wanna do some baking on sat... a thought suddenly flashed into my mind.. i wanna bake something for him... and i was excited untiil thursday when he was quite unhappy over a "waiting" incident.. ok.. nvm.. J told me that the events on sat will wipe off the unhappiness.. though i don't quite agree... With the excitement gone... my sat wasn't that excited on he baking anymore... but i still carried on... Though the cake wasn't wholly done by me... i was involve in it and da jie helped me chose the nice beautiful ones for him.. hahaha!!! yeah... I really hoped that it will give him a BIG BIG surprise!!! i insisted him to fetch me at my place so that i could show him my "surprise"... He didnt really "looked" surprised but he told me that he was surprised when i asked him bout it.... hehehe... than i insisted him to finish the cake before we drove off for dinner at Sentosa... ya.. and he gobbled down the cakes... i prepared 2 cakes for him and he ate it in 2 mouth.... but i was still happy that i am able to pop such surprise... there's nothing happier than to see him eat what you had prepared.. hahahaha!!!!

Surprise???

Hmm.. i am so tired recently.... didnt really have a very good sleep last weekend... and my weekdays are mostly busy also... But da jie just bomb me some excitement on my boring unlucky monday... hahhahaa!! i will be preparing a surprise... so happy.. had not been doing this kinda stupid, silly things for some times and here i am excited again because i will be doing it again... wahahahaha!!! so happy!!! thou tired.. buahahahaha!!!

Bored~

Diao.. super bored.. what can i do???i m dying....

sick~

Diao... having backache from my dance and worse of all the flu and cough... haiz.. backache plus sneeze and cough = pain x 2!! you can feel the emphasis on the back when you sneeze and cough... feeling so dizzy now.. can't even stand this morning and now i m sitting at such weird position because the change of position will incurr the pain and i will shout! haha.. had such a difficult time... my gals are complaining that i am so busy to meet them... in fact yes i am busy... I hope i have more time to spend... or even sleep..... cant get up this morning.... the pain was horrible when i tried to sit up and bend down... i can't even lift myself up.... feel so sleepy now...

Envy me???

I was chatting with W this morning... i told her bout my recent happenings coz it happened so much that our clique of 3 cute gals are in love with the "wrong" guys... She told me that she had always envied my freedom... i can go out with whoever without reporting to any one... sometimes she just wish that she is able to live in this kinda life for a period of time... i told her.. behind all the independence and freedom i hold.. its another kinda lonely life style.... that is why i am drowning myself in the rehearsals and entertainment... its difficult when you cant just be weak for a moment.. ya.. at this point of time.. i have to admit that i am also a female... though not faminine enough but sometimes i yearn for a person to hold me tight n bury me into his chest... Should i succumb to fate? i am not someone who believe in destiny... cumon... we create our fate...
W is not the only one who envied me... S did said that to be once i think... how she wish she is single... diao... why girls happily attahced will envy a lonely girl like me... I don't used to think that being alone is a scary thing until recently.... i have to admit that i don't wana be left on the shelf... if i am not this picky... to chose the one i like.. guess i will be attached now... too bad... this stubborn girl here just like to chose the one she like... and she always believe in her choice instead of situations when people chose her... but take a look at what i have now... my choice wasn't the best... definately is unbelievable... its so different.. but i like him.. and in the end he might not like me.. why am i so persistant?? Since he is not the best.. what am i thinking?? i am thinking of him... i can't stop myself.. it always happened that i said one thing and i will contradict myself the next moment... i need advice!

New skin!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've change it again!!! hows this new skin??? Its in my favorite color!! green!!!!!! so tired recently... had not been sleeping enough plus flu plus gastric pain... haiz.... my health is failing... getting older... Went out with my gal friend on tuesday and was really tired... had dinner at budget T.. We always like to have exortic choice for dinner... had been reaching home late and did not really talk to mummy these few days.. i hate it when we are lack of communication... the ending will always turn out bad... we will quarrel and argue and i will feel guilty... haiz.. why can't my parents just express their love openly instead of their children taking the initiative... This is so sad... *sob*

Saturday Night...

Ya.. its a night full of 30 mins.. after dining with the family i went home, change and went out again when my BEZ fren called.... she had happily arranged a last minute matchmake for me because i laughed at her the other time she had one... Ok.. the whole matchmaking session was fast, shocking, surprising and embarrassing... fainted.. I hopped onto her car and the next thing she told me is.. she had arranged to meet this korean guy with intentions to introduce to me... Hmm.. at least that guy managed to get us a drink before he left to pick his father from the airport... and again.. this BEZ fren of mine had successfully mde me drink my beer so fast just because she was drinking CJ (cranberry juice) on the rock... !#@!@!
I should actually thank this friend of mine so much.... i had been on her emergency call list for years until last 2 years i happened to changed 3 boyfriends in a year and after that i returned to her emergency call list.... what the... this is what i call.. fate...

Happy or not???

Guess feeling happy is quite easy for any one when they are with someone who they think is able to make them happy... why do i say that? ok.. say that i am silly and contradicting myself from my previous blog... I had not went out with him for 2 weeks.... and we went out for a movie yesterday evening.. both of us are in white.. wat a coincidence.... hahaha!! and we were on the phone talking with each other when we happened to be opposite each other.... hahaha!! ok.. let me talk about wednesday night... i was lazily watching tv on mummy's bed when i received his sms.. asking me 2 go St. James... i said i will meet him there but in the end i became a pilot myself... i was already in bed when he sms me to inform me that he had already went in bla bla thats why i did not reply his smses... guess he felt soething real wrong and he asked if i was going.. i said nope.. coz i gotta wake up early... buaahahah!!
When i sms him yesterday afternoon he was already saying someone fly him plane... but i wasn't feeling so well when i met him yesterday.. having minor menstral cramp... this sent him to question why recently when he meet me i keep feeling unwell... hahahaa!! He had been quite nice... actually after 2 weeks of not meeting him i was all ready to return to my emergency call list queen... he really said somethings which made me real happy...
1. I was complaining to him bout how bias was mummy when she did not buy my favorite food when she went Malacca... and he asked me whatz my fav.. i told him its 马蹄酥.. he replied that he can get it for me when he go there next week... hmm.. it may appear to be nothing but it had made me quite happy.. hahahah!! guess i am really crazy....
2. i tied my hair yesterday and he commented that its nice.. hahaha!! Guess this kinda comment came from the right person...
The above mentioned 2 comments sent me to cloud 9 until now... wonder is it because my mensus had changed the hormones or he said the right thing...

Phobia...

Yesh.. my fear had surfaced again... i was having a chat with him on MSN on the sensitive topic which he had been avoiding all along... he asked me why do i like him and i can't answer it.. fact is i dun have an answer for this.. this is always like that.. how can i answer when i dun even know why... then when i asked him does he like me he replied that i know he wonot answer this.. yes.. but i hope that he will... it was on the next morning i realise that i wanna let go of the baggage on liking someone.. it did wake my fear to a certain point when he dun wanna answer me that question and we go ahead with the topic... well.. people who know me well knows me well will know my fear... i had a phobia ever since the last relationship... previously SL dun answer this question and expect me to find out myself... i had been convincing myself that he does love me as much as i love him.. but sweet dreams dun last.. nightmare came before i am prepared for any changes... a question which he dun answer means that he is not sure of the kinda feeling he had towards me... am i a lover? a sister? a good friend? or just a fling? until now.. he still can't convince himself either... it would be better if i remain my reservations and treat him as fling right from the start.. maybe this fear in me won't exist... now my subconcious had convinced myself to let go.. look for someone who will give me an answer to my questions.. so should i thank my fear??? or should i thank the couple who broke my heart??

Where should i go from here??

Had been thinking real hard bout this question since yesterday.. Mike had offered me a place at his company.. but i just can't let go of what i am doing now.. which i think that is much more better in terms of future... had a real bad quarrel with T yesterday... I sent out reminders on those which he had to follow up.. one of it is the relocation of one customer which had all the FSE and our boss in CC.. He wasn't happy with me including everyone in CC because it makes him feels that he is not following up.. fact is ya.. he is not following up! process had sent him their recommendations.. FS had sent him their recommendations.. and i had sent him my calculation.. all he have to do is to give his consent and that's it! happy ending.. but why is he holding on to all these?? I was soo angry that i told boss yesterday and he asked me to wait for his return and we shall talk about it face to face... i admitted that i was so angry that i cried... ok.. this is what happen in the room.. he asked me into the room and asked me am i trying to challenge him by sending that email.. i think he just simply read to much into the mail.. bad mood huh... fuck him! He shouted at me and the last sentence he said "I WANT YOU TO SIT HERE AND EXPLAIN TO ME YOUR PROPOSAL! TREAT IT AS I DIDNT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS!" mind my language.. i wanna say FUCK! my boss who is also his boss, the GM doesnt even speak to me in that manner! He is only a sales manager! yes.. i am a sales engineer but that doesnt mean he can shout at me... i cant take it anymore.. i dun wanna take this with that much emotions.. but he is making me fed up! i dun feel like talking to him at all other than anything about work.. haiz.. i really hope boss can be of some help which i think maybe he will maybe he wont.. god! help me!!

New hair!!

Went to JB for some shopping and food yesterday.. it was definately 100% enjoyable... the clothes there are so so... not much of things to shop... bought a pair of shoes and a dress.. had a new hair color... buahahaa!!! it was definately cheap! 1/2 of what i pay in Singapore... and i am quite happy with the color... too bad i cant change my hairstyle.. gotta bear with this boring hair for few more months before i can change it... haiz... went for fresh seafood at night... buahjahaha!!

Alone.....

Sometimes being alone is not a bad thing... it lightens up my mood and most of all allow me to do some thinking.. or rather not to think of any thing at all... I was alone this afternoon after lunch.. took a long bus ride from JP to Vivo... then catch a movie in GV Gold Class theatre.. yesh.. at this point of time some may be thinking that i am a freak to catch a movie on my own... For your information.. this is something S and myself had been talking about few years ago when we were still in Poly... We can shop alone.. swim alone... do anything alone... but we had not tried watching movie alone... well.. i made the first step to do something which i had not done for the past 22 years... but in a luxury way because i was watching a show in the Gold Class theatre... buahahaa!!! I was in the bus and i saw alont alot of students.. well.. i think people might be thinking that i am from poly... reason number 1.. when i went to pizza hut with some of the ex colleagues the waiter asked if we have a student around... for your information again.. they are all in office wear.. buahahahaha!!! ok.. in case you are curious at this point of time.. i am in Polo Tee and a plated mini skirt today... with a big big bag... juz like any other student who is about to go to school or back from school... buahaha!!!
i was walking around shopping... and i realise that i love.. to buy shoes recently.. i cant help buying shoes!! buahaha!!! think i will be scolded by my mum if i dun stop my shopping habit.. and one last thing to end this post... Wild Hogs is a nice movie... i was laughing so loudly in the theatre myself.. and was so afraid that people will start throwing their food at me... ;p

unfaithful freak....

I can't help thinking of him today.... Ya.. i am going out for a dinner and movie... hopefully nothing more than that... had been thinking alot bout him... All 明姐 fault... it makes me feels like an unfaithful freak... but there's nothing to feel bad about... i am still myself... so i have the freedom to go out with any one i like... buahaha!!! honestly... today i will be putting the guy on a test... had been rejecting this guy all the while... most prob will reject him if he ever ask that again... buahahaha!!! oh no!! what am i thinking???? i need a good rest.... Genting!!! or Aussie!!!!

A new chance

OK!!! I am single and very available and i dun wanna be left on the shelf!!!! buahahaha!! had been emphasizing this alot recently... and i guess maybe a matchmaking session will be following up very very soon... buahaha... Joan was asking if i can accept caucassians because... she is aiming to go Genting with some "we-know-who" guys... and if possible.... buahaha!! I can say that i am semi-prepared to carry on with the plan... Though i dun think any thing good will happen to me because nothing good had ever happened to me.... I was joking with Fuyuan if he got any guy friend who is just like me... because i kinda know the guys he hang out with... buahahha!! i mean.. know as in because they are my seniors in secondary school and i know their looks... and he actually took me for real i think! he asked me if i wants his good friend WW....!!!! buahahaha!! what a joke! Haiz.. but come to think of that.. if Joan never asked me how long i had been single... guess i will start to lose count on that also... She said... not counting the weekdays lovers... i had been single for about more than 1 year... she doesn't like me to consider my last 2 relationships as a true relationships because the 2 guys SUCKS right to the core!! hope you wont mind my language... but its a fact that nobody can deny.. i love them both equally and was at the same time hurt by them equally.... Sometimes i just cant help thinking that maybe its because my age is catching up... there are alot of things i cant bear to press the restart button... how can i ever be so stubborn??? i dun have the courage to restart alot of things again... i am no very young anymore...

It is just like how many more years can i spend on another relationship that will fail? I told Adrian that also... There are so many times i had been telling myself that i dun wanna be a 3rd party anymore.... That is why i gets very careful when i deal with attahced guys.... being twice is enough... i dun have the courage to mess up people and my own relationship... that is why.. when i see my friend now.. walking on the same old, familiar road which i had went through made me felt really sad... but at this point of time... i know that no matter how many negative comments the surrounding people gave.. nothing can change her mind.. unless she chose to leave.... I can say that i am so used to this kinda secretive relationship that i am abit tired of it... hmm... guess because of that i am suffering from weak heart now.. buahaha.... and not forgetting... introducing a real boyfriend to my family and friends had become a dream which i can be real proud of... guess my relative had not been seeing me bringing some guys to introduce to them after Parry ya... and that was 2 years ago.. just realised that after talking to my sister on some events which happened near the time i broke off with him... so ignoring my 1 year of unhealthy relationships with that 2 idiots... i had not really go on some real date for this long... hmm.. its ok la... this is a routine that will always happen to me... nothing really matters... because... i believe i wont do stupid things which involve any unhealthy relationships anymore... wahahaha!!!

crazy things

I think i had done something real crazy.... but i can't recall any... spent a damn bloody busy weekend with my sister and friends... went shopping with sister in the afternoon and had a drink with Adrian at night... suppose to meet S and YX to club at Chijmes... but these two pilots had learnt the art of A380... that's why i met up with Adrian and we had a drink and chatted until bout 3 am when he drove me home... i was damn tired i slept in his car.... buahhaa.. possibly a little drunk also.. Met up with one of the aeroplane queen today... buahaha and that's S!! we dressed up and shop at Marina Square (AGAIN!!)... was there on saturday and last friday.... got myself a bag from Guess.. and she also bought a cardigan from Esprit... we are the gals who like to spend... buahahha!! had a very good chat with her... think this is the first after she return from Aussie... and she was telling me how good it is to be able to enjoy singlehood... but i told her... i had enough! buahaha... its like that everytime.. guys in my life will all appear at the same time i and i will be a casanova for that period... and after that... it seems like they are all dead... and none will appear.. *fainted* and now is the situation.... ya... i don't deny that being single is definately free and easy.. take me for example.. i can go any where i like as long as i am free!! and when i feel lazy i just laze at home.. watch all the downloaded movies in my harddisk... i report to nobody... i think this is the reason why my friends like to put me first on their emergency call list!!! buahahah!!! i should be more or less so used to so many things.. previously R and SL are the kind who won't be there for me during weekends and watever holidays... R gotta fly around and SL gotta be at home.... that's why Joanna said... i am so independent from my bf... and i can stand it when they dont call or answer my calls.... So who is to be blamed??? my luck???

Depression

Haiz... its quite depressing sometimes especially recently.. when all the negative comments starts to come in from the surrounding people.. from those whoever concerns.... Had heard this kinda comments for months previously and now its coming back.. but from different people.. those who used to say it are too tired to repeat.. and its really getting depressing to listen it again from a different group of people... what should i do????????? Haiz.. Maybe its really time to change my directions and carry on with something else.... I keep reminding people that i still have the time... but its really getting tiring to hang on to something without any return.... there are a few times when i was at the verge of giving up but insisted on hanging on in conclusion... what goes around comes around... since i insisted the way it is.. it always comes back to the start point after several turns... what should i do????????? may be this is a sign... the bla bla sign to show my way out... i am seriously considering the vietnam invititaion.... hoping that a new start will fall upon me.... should i shut myself down???? maybe for a few weeks??? ok.. lets give that some considerations...i need a new start.. some new batteries.. need to re-charge myself... my promise to myself before i went Bintan.. its time to fulfil that... promises are not meant to be broken....Only i can help myself now....

Photos

Here's some photots to share for my birthday and Bintan trip.... hehe...

Bye Tanah Merah!!! Welcome to our room!!

Unforgettable Bintan trip

Buahahahaha!! went to Bintan for a "wild" birthday get away last weeekend... It was definately and unfrogettable (even when i had forgotten what i had done)... wahahaha!! Guess it was so great that the 2 great friends who went with me definately enjoyed it so much by all my entertainments... I was so excited even before i reach Bintan.. i was yaking non stopp from S'pore to Bintan... pestered them to play banana boat.. and the three if us shouted like hell.. and snorkling which was so memorable.. it was a life and death experience on our way to the place where we snorkle... the boat is travelling like a roller coaster and we were shouting like HELL!!!! But the view after the hell ride was so nice and i was under the sea saying.. "fishy fishy"... buahahaah!! and at night.. we went for some drinks after dinner.. i really wonder is it because the KTV had too little crowd that the long island tea eventually turns out to be hard liquor tea... fainted.... after that we went to Silk for some clubing entertainment... had long island tea again.. i was damn high at that point of time when i was given another drink that killed me for the night... "waterfall".. shit! the cough syrup.... buahahaa... i remembered i was being walked back into the room by some people.. ( cant remember that much).. and i dun remember what happened... basically my 2 poor great friends gotta clear all my "shit" (they know what i mean) and rest for the day... the drink this time was really bad that i had gastric flu after the hangover.. i m still suffering from that now...