Another hurting day...

Yesh.. I cried the whole night again... This never ending quarrel which had been on-going for days finally kinda settled after yesterday's show down. His voice is clear over the phone that he was stressed and did not wanna talk about this any more. Even when he was the one who said he did not wana mention it, any slightest thing in the conversation will link to the topic. And finally he said that he will make sure he return in time for my birthday (and what if he can't? theres no diff in celebrating it without him). I felt so tired for the draggy topic and our quarrel. Jaded... This time i was so hurt and depressed to an extend that any other thing that happened either on me or around no longer interest me at all. Even when people said that i was being rude in my message and returned with a long-draggy-equally-rude message, i have no intention to start another spark from there. I don't feel like talking to anyone any more... Don't feel like doing so many things.. My emotions had totally consumed me again and i have to fight to keep my work done and my day fulfilled to stop the tears.

He knew i was crying yesterday night because we got quite heated and a second line came in his phone. Hung up cause i thought he had asked me to and it ended up as a misunderstanding. We continued our conversation and almost started another heated arguement even when he keep saying he don't wana talk about that any more and will hang up if i start it. Now see who's the one talking. At this end you were telling me not to speak a thing about that frustrating struggle we had been facing and here you started the topic again. During the conversation after he had said his piece, i was totally left with zero mood to talk about anything. Conversation goes on...

D: why are you so quiet?
M: I am in bad mood.
D: Dan bad mood have nothing to say other dan that i can't return for your birthday? (see... asked people not to talk about this and start the spark again)
M: You asked me not to talk about it, now who's talking.
Dear remained silent for 5 sec.
D: its going to rain soon. heavy rain.
M: oh.. my place rained yesterday night as well. And there's thunder. ytd night was really very scary. The maid..
D: What did you tell Shawn? must be complaining about me right?
M: Not complaining. I was asking whether i had done anything wrong or should i not do it.
D: Oh.. So is getting some advice la.. I don't like to be compared.
M: I am not comparing. Yes, is to get some advice, you can also get some opinion. probably you will ask your boyfriend. I thought you said you don't wana talk about this?
D: I know what my boyfriend will say. If you are going to talk about this i will hang up.
M: Look who's talking. you are the one who started it right? i was about to tell you that yesterday night was so scary. The maid was even louder than the thunder.
D: Oh.. My maid also shout very loud what...

Bla bla bla and the story continues to bout 2 more minutes before we hung up because he was going to drink milo with another colleague. Before we hung up, he told me to stop crying. i was feeling much better than yesterday and needed some time to be in a box. Allow me to isolate myself before i start to plan the gathering again. I am in no mood to talk or anything, just let me isolate myself for a moment and clear up my emotions before i can think and talk and act practically. My current energy had been used up for my work during office hours. Friends.. if you happen to read this and at the same time happened to be looking for me, please give me some time to change back to myself before i really starts to plan any gathering. Sorry for being emo.. but i think its time for me to learn how to handle this and it will be best for me to be calm and quiet during this period.