What shall i ask for??

Alot of people say that i am silly i am stupid... tired of hearing all thee because i do agree with them... I think i am facing some possesive problems here... I felt that i am getting more possesive and deep into what i hope not... Well... reality and thinkings always have a difference here... who dun agree? hahha... Sometimes I really hope to own someone... but how long can you grab on to him?? hehehe... Thats what i had been telling myself... Actually afraid of losing him had become part of me... But i know that if one day i leave hium.. at least i was happy before... ahaha... Alot of things are complicated and difficult to explain... It is not that i am not growing... this is my growing process... I had already grown uup... stop asking me to grow up anymore... i am growing every second... (tick tock tick tock) Nobody can stop me from seeing him... I was heart-brokened when we quarrelled that day... Well... I guess at least i know he do care... But what he really care... This is between the both of us... I dun wanna presurrize him... neither do i wanna take any more pressure.... We can just be a "hush hush" couple... hehehe... Some times i am really touched by his sudden messages or call.... He will then say something i will be really shocked.... A kinda bitter sweet and strange feeling will grow in me... how to explain it..? Well i duno...