History.Gift.Future

Yesterday is history... Today is a gift... Tomorrow is future... My 2nd sis got married yesterday.. sooo... sad.... Had been quite down since last week... Coz sis getting married equals nobody for me to bully at home... Now the youngest me.. is the only daughter left... People were all saying that thats the best coz my parents will love me more.. but then.. i felt lonely.. Having to sleep with that crazy sister in the same room for 16 years... lived in the same house for 21 years.. Quite sad to part with her actually... The house will definately be quieter now.. coz i am seldom at home also.. Felt like crying during her 2 march ins yesterday in he restaurant.. but cant cry.. coz i am the emcee... haiz.. Dear mentioned that i had suddenly became pessimistic.. Maybe because i felt the same loneliness few years ago when she found a boyfriend... Because i am so close to her i am jealous and suddenly felt lonely... Well.. I am happy that she found her happiness... Optimistic point of view.. I shall start to fight in my career.. I am not the 'home-builder' kinda girl who will wanna be kept in a box... but i dun wanna lose dear also.. He knew that i hate marriage... and is quite pessimistics towards marriage life.. That's why we are quite happy with our current situation...
Today's gift is not really that fantastic... at least i gotta sleep more than yesterday... I was just imagining what if dear call me yesterday and what if i complained to him that i dun hav enough sleep becoz i was watching VCDs the whole night? He will definately scold me.. But i really miss him alot alot.. When will his mood turn good? I really miss that kinda cheeky naughty smile he used to gave me and the gentle look that reflected from his eyes... i wanna hug him to sleep again....
I duno what my future will be like.. My wish is to build my career and own a car in a few years time.. NO MARRIAGE for me!! The simplest equation for marriage is to have a partner till the day you die... Well.. you can also have one.. even without the cert which you need to pay and get it.. Thats my point of view.. I was once so touched and wanna to agree to marry R when he called me that night... But i as knocked to my sense after our breakup..... Dear and i had promised forever.. and the basic thing that can still keep us together is trust and how we cherish the limited amount of time we are able to spend together.... I had always been optimistic regarding this matter...

Vex!!!

Its really very very difficult to describe how i feel in words.. Basically... I really wonder how i get my life into such a mess... I love him n i really do.. I just can't seem to get him outta my mind... I basically miss him so much that how i wish i can call him often.. I wanna go for a holiday.. take a real deep breath and think of what i really want.. I had changed so much recently.. After changing 3 boyfriends in one year.. I am really very very tired to start another.. When i started with dear.. I really had given up on everything... Everything a woman can basically ask for... I had no plans to leave him until recently.. and i really dun wanna leave him.. things started to take a turn after both of us turn busy.. and i discovered that i started to get panick because of my fear... I guess R had really made a deep impact on me.. When he got busy or i got busy.. i will start to fear.. I will be afraid of him deciding to leave me one day.. He used to think that i will leave him for other guy.. and now its my turn.. when he told me that he dun want me to be with other guys.. i only reply that he is selfish.. and that makes me wonder if he was telling the truth.. if thats the case.. i will really be very very happy... i told him that we had not been spending enough time with each other.. which is always a topic he will remind me cause he cant spend most of his time with me.. I have no mood for my project because i am thinking of him.. i missed his hugs and kisses so much... i miss the way he say i am silly.. I want back the dear who used to love me like a kid.. I hate the dear who look so stress and angry most of the time now.. I am afraid one day i will just blurt out all his promises that he had not fulfilled and force it out of him.. i know i won't.. But one thing for sure.. I am jealous.. very jealous now.. because i miss him... If he is really so great to spot on my feeelings.. He should be able to know that i am jealous and i miss him alot....

Vex!!!

Its really very very difficult to describe how i feel in words.. Basically... I really wonder how i get my life into such a mess... I love him n i really do.. I just can't seem to get him outta my mind... I basically miss him so much that how i wish i can call him often.. I wanna go for a holiday.. take a real deep breath and think of what i really want.. I had changed so much recently.. After changing 3 boyfriends in one year.. I am really very very tired to start another.. When i started with dear.. I really had given up on everything... Everything a woman can basically ask for... I had no plans to leave him until recently.. and i really dun wanna leave him.. things started to take a turn after both of us turn busy.. and i discovered that i started to get panick because of my fear... I guess R had really made a deep impact on me.. When he got busy or i got busy.. i will start to fear.. I will be afraid of him deciding to leave me one day.. He used to think that i will leave him for other guy.. and now its my turn.. when he told me that he dun want me to be with other guys.. i only reply that he is selfish.. and that makes me wonder if he was telling the truth.. if thats the case.. i will really be very very happy... i told him that we had not been spending enough time with each other.. which is always a topic he will remind me cause he cant spend most of his time with me.. I have no mood for my project because i am thinking of him.. i missed his hugs and kisses so much... i miss the way he say i am silly.. I want back the dear who used to love me like a kid.. I hate the dear who look so stress and angry most of the time now.. I am afraid one day i will just blurt out all his promises that he had not fulfilled and force it out of him.. i know i won't.. But one thing for sure.. I am jealous.. very jealous now.. because i miss him... If he is really so great to spot on my feeelings.. He should be able to know that i am jealous and i miss him alot....