This xmas...

Another year had past and its xmas again.... It was the start of our spark last xmas and i had been thinking about it again... Wonder will i hate xmas in future.... Wahaha... Maybe not... This xmas is a normal routine again.. Guess its dinner and countdown.. With Ethly around this year i wonder whether we can play in peace.. I had my Baileys ready for xmas... If the family wont mind... we can have chivas too... Got quite alot of alcohol due to frequet travel...

There was a DND last friday and went to rouge after that... Guess i wont me joining the group if carrot is not around... Guess they are still together huh... Saw them quite close to each other.. And was feeling abit down.... But whatever it is.. I had long wished them their best and its none of my business any more...

Mummy had been cooking the brown rice drink for me again.. Haiz... Guess i made her worried by telling her my health screen blood test result... Think before anything i gotta do the blood test again to confirm the result... Daddy is even funnier.. walk into the room and ask me to eat more chocolates... Guess it wont help... Hmm.. i think there must be something wrong with the blood test... Think i better do it again... Coz there isn't any kinda symptoms in our family... It can't be inherited... Both sisters didn't have it... I can't be so weak anyway... Hahaha!!! Usually naughty people live longer.... Doc also said that i drink too frequently... But i am trying my best to cut down on it....

Guess I gotta brace myself up and welcome the new year..... Merry Xmas n Happy New Year!!

Back from Phuket and working hard...

Went Phuket the week before and was back last week.. Dissertation date is drawing near and i need to get it done.. The whole essay was finally done yesterday and is left with som rubbish to complete the whole thing.. get so tired and is like aza aza fighting.... after dissertation i am left with two more projects.. the compilation of group project and start of my individual project... buahaha.. gonna hug buddha's leg again... :p tired.. let me share some phuket photos here...

Europe Trip

Boo~~~!!! Just return from Austria.... One word to describe the whole trip... GREAT!!!!!!!! Went Villach (company HQ) for training and meeting.. during my weekend, i went Vienna and Venice (Italy)..
Travelled to Vienna myself by train and met Megan (HR Manager) and Crystal (Boss wife) at the train station... woo~!! We stayed over at Megan's boss house which saved alot... I like Vienna.. but not as much as Venice... I did more shopping than sightseeing coz of the time limit.. Travelled with Crystal back to Villach on Saturday...
On Sunday, Adrian and Ming was so kind and good to bring me to Venice!!! They suffered real big loss in the casino the previous day in the casino and slept damn late... Still, they asked me to morning call them and drove me to Venice... Venice was fun!!! But crowded.. Very crowded... Buahaha... ok... let me show some pictures...
My Apartment...
Vienna

This is a REAL pic!

Venice!!!

Villach!

Doesn't matter anymore

QS is back from Aussie!!!! So sweet of her to plan what kinda clothes i can bring to Austria... I was really touched when she showed me one winter wear after another.. teaching me how to wear them!!! Buahaha... Guess i am the most fortunate gal in this world to have such fantastic friend.... I luv her!!!! Buahaha!!
Guess its my PMS again... short tempered.. impatient... and stupid thoughts that will run through my mind... Realized this when i talked to mum this morning... and change back to my normal tone... hehe.. mummy got me breakfast this morning coz i was running late... The lazy me like to sleep alot recently.. Or should i say.. like to sleep late...
Becca dropped me a bomb on saturday night during supper... she said "Bring your bf along for my birthday"... omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where can i find a part time bf??????? She said i dun have to purposely find a bf just for her birthday.. Just bring a partner along.. ok.... If thats the case.. I might just grip any guy from somewhere... Buahaha.. My sis said there's one who is ever prepared to be my bf any time, any where... Omg... Just kill me if i have to bring that guy~
As for my title of this long blog.. well.. it doesn't matter anymore... because.. i am rubbish...

Some updates

Heres some updates bout myself recently... Same old boring life.. Go out on friday and saturday... and had been drinking alot recently... Was chatting wif carrot just now.. Coz i told her i was out with one of my colleague who is a foreigner and hw already had a girlfriend... Actually in fact i will be travelling with him during my trip to Austria... And it had brought much attention to carrot dat i am some how always or frequently attracted to attached guys.. Hmm.. some how its abit true... but i had already draw a line very clear taht i dun wanna mess around wif attached guys...
Another thing that i wanna update is that i am really very excited that i will be flying next saturday... SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!! Finally i am leaving Spore... Finally i had a chance to think over what i really want on the plane.. and alone on a flight to Austria.... Had been thinking on how it will be like to travel alone... yeh!! hehe.. so happy...

Recently

Realize something recently... Adrian (from school) was sms-ing me and he told me something which makes me realized that i had actually forgotten about myself... He said he wanna see me smile like how i used to... I had been trying hard to smile ever since that incident happened... Its tough to pick myself up... Even now i am trying super hard to maintain my lifestyle... go back to how i used to spend my time before everything... Another question taht i faced recently was "whos the right one?" which i practically cant answer at all... I always complained that so and so is not the right one... but when i was being ask that question i really cant answer.... Coz i duno the answer...

I'm not missing you

Here's a new song to share... I love this song alot and here's the lyrics... You can also try to catch this song every night @ 98.7... I luv it at night coz e DJs will definately broadcast this song!

Ooh? I'm not missin' you? (Hmmm)?
Stanza 1
Been through just about everything, That I could go through,
When it comes to relationships.
Don't know what I was missing Or why I ain't listen
When I told myself that was it.
But here I go, Hurt again. Cause of my curiosity.
Now that it's over, What else could it be, Besides a cheat?
Pre-Chorus
I made a promise never to settle, Why didn't I keep it?
Cause I hated the heart break, cryin' and cheatin', The fooling around.
But i'm not missin' you...
Chorus
I'm not going through emotions,
Waiting and a hoping you call me.
I'm not missin' you.
You mighta had me open, But I must be goin' because,
I got lots to do.
I know i'm usually hanging on, I used to hate to see you go.
But this time is different; I don't even feel the distance.
I'm not missin'; i'm not missin' you...
Stanza 2
It's a shame in way, Cause I feel that I may not Ever find the right one for me.
Did I leave him this year, Right n front of my face (oh).
Will my love ever be?
Why would I go, on a search again?
When I know what the end will be.
What good is love when it keeps on hurting me?
Pre-Chorus
I made a promise never to settle, Why didn't I keep it?
Cause I hated the heart break, cryin' and cheatin', The fooling around.
But i'm not missin' you...
Chorus
I'm not going through emotions,
Waiting and a hoping you call me.
I'm not missin' you.
You mighta had me open, But I must be goin' because,
I got lots to do.
I know i'm usually hanging on, I used to hate to see you go.
But this time is different; I don't even feel the distance.
I'm not missin'; i'm not missin' you... (repeat 2x)
Bridge
No, I can't be with you Cause i'm sacred.
Felt like I was falling when you left me.
I can't keep going through life Unaware of what i'm missing Or the person that I could be.
Love's good when it's right.
Bad, when it's left in you memory.
All the times, and anytime.
I guess love would be nice for someone, as this life...
I'm not missin' you...
Chorus
I'm not going through emotions,
Waiting and a hoping you call me.
I'm not missin' you.
You mighta had me open, But I must be goin' because,
I got lots to do.
I know i'm usually hanging on, I used to hate to see you go (i used to hate it).
Different... (don't feel the) distance.
I'm not missin'; i'm not missin' you...
Chorus
I'm not going through emotions,
Waiting and a hoping you call me. (knocking at my door)
You mighta had me open, But I must be goin' because, (this is the best day of my life)
I know i'm usually hanging on, I used to hate to see you go.
Different... (don't feel the) distance.
I'm not missin'; i'm not missin' you......
(Ohhh) I'm not missin' you...
No baby... I'm not missin' you...

My Dreams

Had a dream on saturday night... I dreamt of QS.. In the dream.. She was back on a holiday... Funny enough.. That holiday is actually a few days.. and true enough it is something like her coming Sept holidays... Buahaha... I told her yeterday that I dreamt of her.... I seemed to have miss her too much.. So much that i dreamt of her... Buahaha!!!
Another thing i would like to mention is actually my recent dream.. A target to acheive using the rest of my life span... I always had an impression that i was born to climb the corporate ladder... And its my life acheivement.. But as i aged.. realized something which most women will especially those in a relationship... I am still single.. But i realize that one day i will get hitched and there are so many things to consider.. If i concentrate so much on my career.. And if i climbed up... What are the things that i have to give up..? Opportunity cost.. Will i lose my family instead...? Will i lose my future partner...? That's one thing which i had been thinking.. I am now so young and energized.. I can climb my ladder.... Will that make other people feel distance from me?? I really duno... I have a workaholic nature.. People around me knows that... Other than my mum and dad.. Nothing is as important than my career.. Frenz.. dun get angry when you read this part of the content.. My frenz will always have my support.. And i will always be there... My frenz will beThe equally as important to my work... I know that one thing i have to give up in orer to succeed is my stupidity... Actually.. I am really not thinking of entering another relationship at this point of time... Its more of a hindrance... I am going crazy thinking of increasing amount of money i give to my mum every month.. But i guess there will be no increment for after next year for maybe one or two years... I am also going crazy trying to save money and earn more... Seems like S11 virus had hit me real hard.... Haiz... My dreams...

Not "temper-less"

Discovered that i am not "TEMPER-LESS" after all... i was in the "bad mood" mode this morning and is trying very very hard to control my emotions since yesterday night... Had not been able to give myself some pleasent dreams since a few days ago... And guess what happen this morning.. I seriously wonder izzit becoz of my bad mood or my friend simply misunderstood my words that caused all these anger incurring inside me... My friend was asking whether i will be going for her party next month end or not... And of coz as a fun-loving me will not wanna miss out any of my friend's party.. After i had given her my reply... i said luckily her party was not at the end of Sept (coz i will be out of town).. Wonder did i said the wrong thing and she replied me that her party was at teh end of Aug.. And sent me replying her ya.. its Aug not Sept.. Lucky...
And wonder did i sent the wrong message to her that she replied me something like this... "I juz wanna confirm the numbers.. its ok if you cant make it.. all my good frenz will be there..." Well.. as a rational me i would not wanna rub into this sentence that will cause "fire".. I changed the topic.. The more i think of this the angrier i am.. So since i m not her "good friend" that means.. I am juz a friend to be added into her numbers of people in the party.. so it sets me thinking again... Did i send her the wrong message? Or izzit becoz of my stupid mood that i am easily agitated...?

Sometimes....

Feel like blogging again.. Haiz.. first mistake of today... forgot to attend a briefing at customer site... I forgot that today is 25 July.. I thought its 24th... and i missed the briefing at 2pm... And was asked at around 5pm... suddenly feel like quitting again... This happens everytime i wanna escape from problems... I know that i cant.. thats why i wanna do well in this job... Suddenly dun quite like sales job.. Buahaha... But this job gave me alot of time currently... I hope it will get better.. otherwise.. it will turn out to be like the other colleagues prediction.. I will leave the moment i get my degree.... coz i still feel that i like to do SCM jobs... planning and controlling of inventories.. Some where i can apply my knowledge and what i am good on... But one thing i like about my job is that they pay very good money.... and its very flexi here... but becoz i am a sales person... I realise that sometimes my thinking will clash with my managers.... As a SCM personnel.. My thinking is always on how to do the most thing with the least amount of cost... Some things my managers do just doesn't bring in much profits for the company... and i think that they will spoil the customers with the way they do the things... I still have bout half a year to see how things can be done... Hopefully.. everything turns out fine.. otherwise... i seriously duno wat kinda horrible things will happen...

W-H-Y

Something came across my mind n i decided 2 blog about it.. i discovered that there are quite a number of people who said that they dun wanna fall in love again after being hurt badly by an ill fated relationship... First question i asked myself is.. Why are people shutting themself out from something which who knows they might enjoy in future??? Well its not that i can accept someone else now... Juz that i wont stop myself from falling in love again.... I know its painful and hard to build up the trust.. But that doesnt mean that we have to shut ourselves up after being hurt...dats ridiculous... I admit that i cant fall in love now coz i had not got over the feelings i had for S.. and at the same time i m giving K a chance.. I am also giving myself a chance...
Another thing i wanna blog today is regarding my saturday.. Oh my gosh! he gave me a bouquet of flowers! Its the second time i receive flowers and finally got the right bouquet... but not from the right person.... Though the things he had done that particular day can be quite touching for a gal to judge a guy.. But... the normal hard hearted me juz dun feel anything..

Bye QS

QS left for Aussie yesterday again.. haiz... I really hate to see her leave everytime.. Actually only for the second time.. First time she left i told myself she will be back i shall not cry... and i realised how much i missed her during that few months before she return or her vacation... Yesterday.. honestly i cried.. after seeing her mum cried.. suddenly i remembered our conversation that saturday night during dinner... She said she really dun bear to leave this time... coz she really missed her family and friends.. and how helpless she felt when i sent her an email telling her how tormented i was over that breakoff and begging her to return.. She just felt that she cant be there for us when we needed her the most... I cried.. because i was afraid that when she return during september i will be flying or worse.. not in Spore... We did not spend alot of time together coz she was so busy with alot of friends and most importantly her family... She hugged me and asked me not to do the wrong thing again.... I knew that i was not a very sensible person.. That's why she can be quite worried bout me... This morning when i wake up... I missed QS again... But i know she willbe back.. and i will not allow any tears to roll down my cheeks coz she will be back....

No longer...

I no longer hope to find a person i love... I no longer hope to own an exciting love life... I no longer hope to get anything...
I wish for a a person who will love me the way i love him... I wish for a simple love life with only simplicity... I wish for my wishes to come true...
As me the difference.. when you hope you know you will get it.. which is just a matter of time.. when you wish... you might not get it... but at least you wish for one....
Absolute rubbish.... By Rubbish cow...

For the first time...

Buahaha.. today is the first time i ever met a customer... Went to cust fab and met her.. but most of the time Adrian is the one doing the talking... lucky... Think my way of talking is to straight forward.. gotta pick up the way to dig info fast.. Not a trained sales yet.. so no choice.. Thomas commented that my make up today is nice.. Hahaha!! though its a bit thick.. but its better dan nothing la.. Ethyl had been kaypoing when i was putting on my make up.. but its ok la.. she everytime do it... nothing much special... Adrian and i were talking bout songs when we were on or way to and from customer fab... Hahaha!! he got the song i like!!! He let me listened to this song "Green day"(duno whether i got the title right or not).. Its talking bout a break up... Its like saying its all over... So just let it go.. And i replied that its usually this period that hurts alot... Honestly it still hurts me alot.. though it had been a month.. Everything seems like yesterday.. I dun wanna numb myself with something... Sometimes, people will advise that a new relationship will do me good... Its not like nobody is after me now.. There are a few... but i am just not sure whether i am prepared or not.. I dun want to treat the person as a replacement...

Moo~day

Haiz.. Its the first day of the week and guess what did i ask myself the first thing i wake up this morning??? WHY DID I DREAM OF HIM?????!!!!!!!!!!! Oh gosh! in the dream.. he was talking to me in the kinda eyes which he used to see me with... I can feel his touch.. It was so gentle... Oh my.. Oh my... What am i thinking...??? I remembered wat QS told me over dinner on saturday... Maybe i had forced myself too much.. And its not good coz pulling a string too hard will break it... Argh!!! I wanna get him off my mind... I dun wanna think of him... I wanna get on with my life and get it simple...
Forget about the unhappy things... say something bright.. I got myself a printer yesterday... hehe... i think i am gonna get myself a Canon digi cam in future also.. haiz.. gotta wait... but at least with this printer i can print my project and get it done...

Updates

Hmm.. Seems like i had not been updating the blog.. ok.. let meadd in some spices which had happened recently.. Went to the zoo on saturday.. woah... like wat QY had mentioned in her blog.. I think we are not welcome to go to the zoo anymore.. Think most probably will be thrown out by the keepers... Heres wat we had done.. As all frenz should noe taht i have such talent in renaming everything in that instant.. Guess wat had i done that day.. I named the white tigers "xiao bai".. The green snakes "xiao qing".. A baboon "zhang lao".. We even discussed whether the fish taste nicer by which cooking method (steam or fry)... buahaha... how fat we will get if we eat the hippo... Trying our bez 2 wake the animals which are asleep.. But one thing i never say out is that i had renamed the kangaroos "kangie"... Jealous of my talent?? Buahaha... And!! i finally took a pic wif my cow!!! The cows were at first sleeping but i tred to wake them up and talk to me... Well... I wonder izzit my cow language works.. Its does make a lil wonders.. One of the moo actually walk out from the shelter and let me take pic wif it.. hahaha!!! MOO~

Moo~dy..

Honestly... Seriously... had not been in very good mood recently... i had not totally got over him... Though i keep telling myself that i must have the courage to put the feelings down.. But i still missed him alot.. alot alot.. I will think of his smile... his eyes... his smell.. his hugs.. the feel of his clothes and every part of him.... I still think of how tight he used to hug me.. especially that day when he dun wanna let me go... dun wanna let go of me..... he hugged me so tighly that i could not even breathe... And that's the start of everything!!! I thought that i had got over everything... I thought that i am prepared to take a new relationship.. but i knew it.. i knew taht i am still looking for that kinda strong feelings that i had for him... I wanted to love someone again... but how can i love someone the way i love him?? When R hugged me that night.. I cant accept him... i pushed him away.. I cant accept him even when he kissed my forehead... I juz cant... I will think of L.. I will keep thinking of him... Even when i had lost him... I will still have that kinda strong betrayal feeling... Why do i still wanna think of him? I still hurts when i think of the things he told me.. the way he behaved when everything was about to end... I seriously.. honestly hurts alot.. I dun want my frenz to be sad.. I dun want people around me to pity me... Think that i am weak... I showed them the happy face.. even when i maintain such a good relationship with "her".. it hurts me alot.. When i tok to her.. i will think of him.. i am jealous and i hate this petty me... I envy her beautiful face.. and i like her.. i like her character.. Its juz like me... but i cant help to hate her alittle.. I am confused now.. i wonder whether i am prepared to see him... I am seriously not sure now.. I hate this kinda me.. I hate deluding myself... I wanna be free.. Sometimes i juz hope there are someone who can remove my memories.... be it happy or sad... juz remove all my memories with him... i feel that my heart is breaking down... I cant hold on any longer....

Faithful? Unfaithful?

Suddenly i was thinking of the conversation i had with R on sat night... He was asking when did i start my relationship with that guy and when did we start that... Buahaha.. i guess nobody will be as honest as me.. cos i told him we started during Dec last year... And this sent him asking, "So you were unfaithful to me??" I just simply nodded my head.. He did mentioned that when he was with me he was faithful throughout the whole relation ship... Duno why we went into the marriage topic... He told me that if he got married he will be very very faithful.. Becoz that will be the gal he wanna to live forever.. Another forever.. Guys always tok about forever and they never keep their words... My thinking of marriage is to use money to buy eternity...
His reason for not cuming to look for me during that day was because he was afraid that he will blame himself... I could not really believe in him... Or should i say i dun trust easily now.. He kept bringing me to the past and i just simply shut him by saying i had forgot... I dun wanna go back to the past anymore.. i wanna look forward and be myself again....

Picnic

Buahaha.. went picnic yesterday with the gals.. dat was fun but tiring... Went cycling around and came across this family carnival by Dairy Farm and as a group of greedy gals.. We went to get some Coke Lime and ice cream.. Buahaha.. I used to be so accident prone when i cycle.. But after so many years of rest.. I think i can cycle even better than before!!! Wierd... I think so too... Had not get the pictures ready yet.. Will post it up once done... But what really made me real mad yesterday was my mum... Haiz.. She actually helped me iron (not all) my clothes and pack it into the wardrobe.. I had begged her so many times not to touch my clothes but she just simply dun listen.. Told her that if she wanna iron my clothes just put it on my bed once done.. I was so tired yesterday and i had to unhang all the clothes and hang them back again... Mind me.. My mum doesn't touch my wardrobe since young.. thus she duno how actually i arranged our clothes... nevermind.. My bodyis aching now.. My head is so heavy and i feel like sleeping... Did not get enough sleep this weekend again.. haiz.... ONE happy new!!! my gal QS is back for holiday!!!! hahaha...

To chose or be chosen

Having a dilemma recently.. I was wondering if I missed this time round, do I have to wait for a few more years for another round to appear. I had always believe that there is always a period of time when a lot of guys will appear in my life at the same moment.. Had been having this period of time for one year… A lot of guys appeared in this year and gave me a lot of troubles in choosing… In the end, all those that I had chose and fell for had left scars in my life and are making my life real difficult… It’s like what I had told J, we experienced more than other people and were able to see more than what others had thought… This time round, I am not sure whether I should persist on the one I am going after or to accept those after me… I am afraid of making mistake again… I dun wanna waste my time anymore…

Rival

Haha... called a friend today to confirm something.. When she picked up the phone.. I said i wanna speak to my "qing di" (rival)... She got a shocked and asked me to repeat.. Asked me why i said that i said she was my Carrot's lover ma.. that's why she is my rival... haha... Well she thought was something else... Actually i had long placed that as history and carried on with my life... so full of hopes recently... life filled with friends and family... Especially my studies had already became sucha pressure that its really making me worried... Sometimes i really wondered whether i had made thet right decision to study and work at the same time.,.. Let both fly at the same time.. Its really very difficult to handle two at the same time.. But come to think of it... Maybe a guy can do it cause they just simply love to two-timw girls... Hahaha..

My saturdays

Hahaha.... Let me start at my first saturday after the breakup.. Which was last last week.. That was meant to be a celebration for me.. i told Bec bout him and she was quite worried at my situation.. We had been seeing each other every week and Bec thinks that i really slim down alot in one week... Ya.. precisely.. bout 1KG.. Which makes me 47KG... Its ok.. I had my dinner wif em at fisherman village and we drove to Mt Faber.. QY slept her way there coz i lost my way... Drive until i wanna sleep.... Lucky Bec was there to talk to me and wake me up.. I wasn't in very good mood and the drive made me feel better.. Ok.. Last Sat i met QY and Bec again... Hahahaha!!!! I cheated QY to my house after she accompany me to Causeway point.. Coz I was so tired in the middle of our shoppng session.. and i begged her to go home with me to let me sleep.. As daddy was at home.. i borrowed his car and went out.. We called Bec again and drove her out to JP for dinner and then... to Jurong Hill.. Hahaha.. Seems like i like to climb hills every saturdays...I was thinking of C0zy Bay this week if daddy is at home... Bec and Me!! Look at the lights behind us.. The three of us... Not much lights at the back..

Green Green Grass

Dun ask me why i used this title for this post.. i also duno... To my dear friends and family who are reading this post now.. I like to thank all of you for the support you had given me from last tuesday to sunday.. I can now proudly say that.. I had let it go... I had let go of my feelings for him and had decided to move on.... He had betrayed his relationship with A when he was with me.. and he had betrayed his relationship with me and A when he was with B.. he still treated me very good till the very last day we met.. I believe we will sure meet again.. but i will not carry anymore feelings for him.. I admit that i sticked to him was because that i was really very tired to start a new realtioship and get to know a new person.. In short i had been avoiding my own happiness.. I had decided to move on and get to know a new relationship.. marriage is still outta topic to me unless someone can really convince me... I will love him like a brother now.. I really will.... My new boss is currently scheduling me for an Austria trip... Wil be going there for training for duno how long... Only thing that i am worried was my exam.. wat if it clash? wat bout my proj?

Utterly disappointed...

Ask me why am i so lucky to get this kinda shit all the time...? It really hurts alot... so much that i had to face the fact... Felt so cruel to myself... forcing me to face everything and push out my feelings... Life still have to goes on... I have to recover... Though i am emotionally drained.. I will look for someone.. a someone better.. and i know i can do it.. coz i am strong.. no more weakling me...

History.Gift.Future

Yesterday is history... Today is a gift... Tomorrow is future... My 2nd sis got married yesterday.. sooo... sad.... Had been quite down since last week... Coz sis getting married equals nobody for me to bully at home... Now the youngest me.. is the only daughter left... People were all saying that thats the best coz my parents will love me more.. but then.. i felt lonely.. Having to sleep with that crazy sister in the same room for 16 years... lived in the same house for 21 years.. Quite sad to part with her actually... The house will definately be quieter now.. coz i am seldom at home also.. Felt like crying during her 2 march ins yesterday in he restaurant.. but cant cry.. coz i am the emcee... haiz.. Dear mentioned that i had suddenly became pessimistic.. Maybe because i felt the same loneliness few years ago when she found a boyfriend... Because i am so close to her i am jealous and suddenly felt lonely... Well.. I am happy that she found her happiness... Optimistic point of view.. I shall start to fight in my career.. I am not the 'home-builder' kinda girl who will wanna be kept in a box... but i dun wanna lose dear also.. He knew that i hate marriage... and is quite pessimistics towards marriage life.. That's why we are quite happy with our current situation...
Today's gift is not really that fantastic... at least i gotta sleep more than yesterday... I was just imagining what if dear call me yesterday and what if i complained to him that i dun hav enough sleep becoz i was watching VCDs the whole night? He will definately scold me.. But i really miss him alot alot.. When will his mood turn good? I really miss that kinda cheeky naughty smile he used to gave me and the gentle look that reflected from his eyes... i wanna hug him to sleep again....
I duno what my future will be like.. My wish is to build my career and own a car in a few years time.. NO MARRIAGE for me!! The simplest equation for marriage is to have a partner till the day you die... Well.. you can also have one.. even without the cert which you need to pay and get it.. Thats my point of view.. I was once so touched and wanna to agree to marry R when he called me that night... But i as knocked to my sense after our breakup..... Dear and i had promised forever.. and the basic thing that can still keep us together is trust and how we cherish the limited amount of time we are able to spend together.... I had always been optimistic regarding this matter...

Vex!!!

Its really very very difficult to describe how i feel in words.. Basically... I really wonder how i get my life into such a mess... I love him n i really do.. I just can't seem to get him outta my mind... I basically miss him so much that how i wish i can call him often.. I wanna go for a holiday.. take a real deep breath and think of what i really want.. I had changed so much recently.. After changing 3 boyfriends in one year.. I am really very very tired to start another.. When i started with dear.. I really had given up on everything... Everything a woman can basically ask for... I had no plans to leave him until recently.. and i really dun wanna leave him.. things started to take a turn after both of us turn busy.. and i discovered that i started to get panick because of my fear... I guess R had really made a deep impact on me.. When he got busy or i got busy.. i will start to fear.. I will be afraid of him deciding to leave me one day.. He used to think that i will leave him for other guy.. and now its my turn.. when he told me that he dun want me to be with other guys.. i only reply that he is selfish.. and that makes me wonder if he was telling the truth.. if thats the case.. i will really be very very happy... i told him that we had not been spending enough time with each other.. which is always a topic he will remind me cause he cant spend most of his time with me.. I have no mood for my project because i am thinking of him.. i missed his hugs and kisses so much... i miss the way he say i am silly.. I want back the dear who used to love me like a kid.. I hate the dear who look so stress and angry most of the time now.. I am afraid one day i will just blurt out all his promises that he had not fulfilled and force it out of him.. i know i won't.. But one thing for sure.. I am jealous.. very jealous now.. because i miss him... If he is really so great to spot on my feeelings.. He should be able to know that i am jealous and i miss him alot....

Vex!!!

Its really very very difficult to describe how i feel in words.. Basically... I really wonder how i get my life into such a mess... I love him n i really do.. I just can't seem to get him outta my mind... I basically miss him so much that how i wish i can call him often.. I wanna go for a holiday.. take a real deep breath and think of what i really want.. I had changed so much recently.. After changing 3 boyfriends in one year.. I am really very very tired to start another.. When i started with dear.. I really had given up on everything... Everything a woman can basically ask for... I had no plans to leave him until recently.. and i really dun wanna leave him.. things started to take a turn after both of us turn busy.. and i discovered that i started to get panick because of my fear... I guess R had really made a deep impact on me.. When he got busy or i got busy.. i will start to fear.. I will be afraid of him deciding to leave me one day.. He used to think that i will leave him for other guy.. and now its my turn.. when he told me that he dun want me to be with other guys.. i only reply that he is selfish.. and that makes me wonder if he was telling the truth.. if thats the case.. i will really be very very happy... i told him that we had not been spending enough time with each other.. which is always a topic he will remind me cause he cant spend most of his time with me.. I have no mood for my project because i am thinking of him.. i missed his hugs and kisses so much... i miss the way he say i am silly.. I want back the dear who used to love me like a kid.. I hate the dear who look so stress and angry most of the time now.. I am afraid one day i will just blurt out all his promises that he had not fulfilled and force it out of him.. i know i won't.. But one thing for sure.. I am jealous.. very jealous now.. because i miss him... If he is really so great to spot on my feeelings.. He should be able to know that i am jealous and i miss him alot....

Some catch up

Had been quite busy recently with work, school and friends recently.. Had my birthday celebrated proudly organized by my two sisters.. hehe... very very touched.. Wanted to post the pics up.. but had not get them yet.. haiz... Spent my actual birthday with my gals.. bought a top that day as a birthday present to myself.. Partly because.. i need to use up the $10 voucher from Flesh Imp.. expiring soon.. =p

Hmm.. had not been able to spend alot of time with dear this month... Well.. i think he is more worried than i do... hahaha... At least he tried to message me when he is free.. Actually quite angry and disappointed that he was not able to meet me over the weekend and made me waited till so late.. But luckily i am not stupid either... Went out with brother FY... hahaha!! But got lectured by him instead during supper on saturday night... But i still like the place.. think can bring my family there.. erm.. but i dun think Ann and mum will like thefood.. Cause most of it are cheezy or milky...

Silly darling

I came across 2nd sis blog that day and found this poem that suits me really alot.. I wrote it down instantly intending to share with dear.. The poem goes like this :

"It's fate which brings us together
It's fate which makes us friends
Three hundred and sixty-five days
Eight thousands seven hundred and sixty hours
Five hundred twenty-five thousands six hundred minutes
Three hundred fifteen hundreds thrity-six thousands seconds
Every day; every hour
Every minutes; every second
I am yours forever"

It's a direct reply to dear's keep me forever.. Hahahaha... let me be in this sweet mood for a second... I was hugging him and directly saying into his ears when i was reading to him.. Abit embarrassing to read the last sentence.. Really wonder how he felt when he heard the last sentence.. But he kissed me after i finished the whole thing... Argh.... felt so sweet.... I am really very scared to fall in love again.. but i can't seem to control myself again this time...

He had been quite tired recently.. and all i can do is to make him herbal tea and get him something that relief his tireness.. I like it when he everytime called me silly.. And this time.. he called me "silly darling"...

Pride and Egoism

Haiz... Its only one week after the celebration and something happened between me and dear.. Not that it affects us alot.. But i suddenly realised something.. Even when he said he wanna keep me forever.. Even when he said if one day i wanna leave him he can't stop me.. but if its he vise versa.. I can't stop him also.. I told him that and he said as long as we knew that we were happy with each other's company that was enough.. Ya.. The best part of love is always the memories... I almost cried when i heard this.. Felt abit disappointed though.. Since he was busy i did not wanna add on to his stress... Its the second time i had the crying feeling... This time is when i saw tireness in his eyes.. He even tried to smile when i said he was tired.. I told him i felt so useless when i can't seem to help him.. Well that's his work.. I cant help him.. As long as i dun bother him too much that's enough.. Really showing all my silliness in front of him..

Other than this.. Something happened to me and qy... I just duno why i can't seem to put down my pride and egoism... Wanna talk things out.. But i cant seem to cross my barrel.. I only replied her the same thing she gave me on friday.. "I got no mood to talk today".. Only saw her message 5 plus (sent at 3 plus) coz was cooking and i never bring my phone along.. Why am i always make worse? If i can put down my pride an egoism...

Pre-Birthday Celebration!!!

Went to the Night Safari yesterday night!!!! Actually it had meant to be a surprise... but i actually guessed that... Erm... Well.. I can guess quite near to his 'surprises' .... But I was really very very touched and happy with the time and effort he spent with me... Thanks dear... It was quite crowded with tourist yesterday... Guess its the holiday season in Japan... Coz quite alot of Japanese students... It's such a nice experience..We got a ticket with the tram ride but instead of looking around, we went for the show first... Talking bout the show... I had chosen a stupid place whereby i got real close to this animal walking down the rope just right above me... After the show we went for the tram ride... I was actually quite scared that dear will get too close to the animals... I just kept holding on to both his hands... And in the end, he laughed at my stupidness.. Well i admit that i am timid.. Coz when we were looking at the stripped hyennas, i pulled him away when the hyenna spotted us... And in the end... He kept laughing at me... Well, we get out of the Night Safari at 10+ and we were both famished... ya.. forgot to mention that he got me a giraffe soft toy.. Coz i fell in love with the soft toy the moment i saw it and instantly we named it "da tou (big head)... Share some photos here..
Extreme left is the peacock spotted at the carpark before we went into the night Safari...
Beside is the giraffe that dear had bought for me... together with the ticket and zoo map..

Friday!!!

I cant wait till friday.. I really cant wait till friday... My adredaline is rising... It hit the top... Cant wait anymore... You sounded so mysterious... Really wonder what kinda surprise you had up to your sleeves.. By the way.. Daddy fell down and had a wound on his head.. 7 stitches.. Thats considered serious... Real worried... Friday faster come.. I cant wait any more....!!!!!!

Love = Risk

Went church with Joanna today.. I used to think church is a boring place.. It is abit bored during their prayers coz i dun pray... i am not a christian.. But in all.. Its still ok.. not as bad as what i had imagined.. But that doesnt mean that i will be a believer also... just went there coz there's a drama today... Quite touching... And it teaches us that love involve taking risks.. Ya.. I agree.. It's a risk to whether the person will accept you or not.. Teach you how to love a person no matter who he/she is or is with... Think its the same to all religions.. They always lead you to the "right" path... Made you shaped as a better person.. That's why to me is i dun quite believe in any religious thingy except for their teachings.. Follow where your heart tells you to and differenciate the devils from there... Also... I had always believe that you love the person of who the person is and not who the person is with... If my friend is a third party.. flirt... or someone who hangs out with the "wrong" company.. i will still love my friend.. Coz i love my friend for who he/she is and not who he/she is with.... Think i can share with dear.. feel like messaging him and tell him that i love him.. but... erm.. better not.. He will get carried away...

Present or Celebration?

Damn it... Had not been feeling very well this few days... Gastric acting up again... Not feeling very well but can't seem to let my work down... have to depend on chinese medicine to survive... Met up with dear just now for some coffee.. he had been asking me where do i wanna go for my birthday these few days... And I had been telling him how unromantic he was when he did that. Cause he is suppose to give me a surprise. Never mind.. I had always knew that he was not the romantic type of guy long ago... just keep quiet only... Hahaha!!! Think i can't think of a place until he asked me to chose between present or celebration.. For any normal girls they would wanted both (which is what is in my mind also). For those practical one they will chose present. But surprisingly, I chose celebration over present... The reason is.. i wanna spend more time with him.. I told him that if i wanted a present i would want a dog... He knew that he had to get me a young new doggy (coz i am afraid of big old one).. After some consideration.. Unless he is gonna sponsor the doggy's monthly expenses.. Otherwise i think i have to kill and it it when my bank is totally dried out.. Hehehe... Actually i was planning to get a dog at a later date.. After both of us cleared our debts... I will sure ask him to sposor half or 3/4 of the cost of the dog.. Hahaha!!!

Disappointed

Went for my first lesson yesterday!!! Finally wnt to school.. Hahaa.. Disappointed class got no handsome guys to see.. but was quite coincident taht there was actually this guy who is the first batch of my diploma..So is my senior... Disappointed cause dear really never give me a surprise turn up in front of my school waiting to fetch me home.. Now i realise that what he said he really do it.. And he said other day... Haiz... Never mind.. I know he had been busy enough... Fell down yesterday while walking towards bugis busstop.. So embarassing.. Can i not be so clumsy everytime? Haiz... Going to school tomorrow again... Wonder when will dear come and pick me up after my school? best if he brought along a bread or what for my dinner (or supper)... Hehehe.. I shall dream on i know...

SCHOOL!!!!!!!

Buahaha!! So excited... gonna go school tomorrow!! Finally i am starting my degree tomorrow... Just like a dream... Cant wait to finish it... I know it will very tired.. This explains why i am now in office typing this entry.. Have to finish what ever i have to finish today.. That's very tiring... And that's how i am gonna lead my life for the rest of the year. i asked dear today whether he will come and fetch me tomorrow or not.. The answer is actually quite disappointing... He said no.. Coz by the time he reach home will be super late and he have to work the next day... Never.. I am independant!

KTV

Hahaha!! Joanna messaged me this morning and was hinting to ask her out.. Since my weekends are always free.. I "dated" her out... Went singing with her and her brother's frenz.. Its fun man!! I simply love to sing alot.. here's some photo to share!

Valentine's Day

Just feel like re-capping my Valentines' Day... Did not really spend much time with dear that day as he will be meeting people at 9+.. All i can do was to sit down with him and had coffee (That's what we have in comon.. we are both coffee addict)... think he felt quite guilty not able to spend that day with me... But to me its ok... Coz actually any day we spend together to me is already Val day.. ;p All that i had done that day was to slip a card into his bag which he gotta read it only the next day... On the 15th after i sent all the gals home from airport, i went to drive him from his office... We went the JW where he is able to have his dinner and we are able to talk... Felt so sweet thinking back.. I was resting on his lap while he read the letter in the envelope.. Guess he finally know what i want and as normal... he called me silly gal after he read it... He had been so sweet these few days also... Actually we were suppose to meet for breakfast today.. but he woke up late (expected).. actually i also woke up about the same time.. hehe.. Thus not able to meet up.... I do miss him... alot... I had forgotten what had i mentioned in the letter... hmm... thinking back... Hope it was not too mushy.. hahaha!!!

Stressssss!!!!!

Wasn't feeling very good today... Just realised that it is really very difficult to adjust myself to the "new system" my new boss wanted me to follow... Not that i wanna pick on her or trying to be mean... Some of her ways of doing things are simply redundant... It just doesn't add any value at all... I did not know why i was so upset bout it.. Most probably i was so busy today and i found my docs in a mess... Finally i had enough of it... I seriously dun understand her way of being "neat"... It is too rigid... I really feel like leaving the job... If its not because of the pay and my loan.. I would have resigned the day i knew she took over... Heard that she had plan to let one of my colleague take this part of my job... Since the day i knew she took over.. i had an intuition that she would let my colleague do this sooner or later coz she was used to working with that colleague... There are people who told her not to make changes when she just took over as she was not very sure of how our things work.... it is just a matter of time i have nothing else to do... and will lose my job...my boss had been good enough to help me think what i can do if one day all these things realy happens.. I appreciate that he was thinking bout my loan and my degree and asked me to hold for one more year.. But i just can't hold it anymore.. I told myself to be patient and calm down.. Had already been holding myself.. Most probably coz QS just left yesterday and i did not have enough sleep (slept for only bout 3-4 hrs)... Argh!!!!!!!!!!! Really can't stand it anymore even though i had been telling myself she is new... Have to help her... I have a thinking that i also wanted to protect a colleague who just took over part of my job... Most probably i will take back this part ba... My boss advise me to see first... This is also the first time i discussed so much bout work after working hours with my boss... He knew i was angry and unhappy... Haiz... How can i ever get a virgo to be understanding enough..??

Today

Went for QY 21st birthday celebration yesterday and borrowed my dad's van in order to solve the vehicle problem for getting home late... Actually was quite envy that she is able to have her birthday party... yet i can't... Come to think of it i actuallywas very sad... coz my sis will be having her customery on May and my birthday falls on April... I love birthday parties which involves both friends and family alot alot!! That's what i had been having when i was young... but... haiz... Mum's reason for me not able to have a birthday celebration was because she was afraid that i will "clash" (Some chinese superstitious thingy) with their wedding. She promised me a birthday celebration during my 21st birthday when she was not able to make it for my 18th birthday... But see what happens... Everyone can have their 21st birthday party.. Regardless it's at home or chalet... but i can't... I can only celebrate it outside with my friends... I can't chose a 3kg cake which i love and cut it with my family and friends. I can only get a small cake and cut it with my friends.. That's so sad...
Ok.. shall stop harping on my sadness anymore.. after QY birthday the group of us went to West Coast Park McDonald's for some drinks and went home ard 3am in the morning. On our way home, we met this Road block at Tamah Jurong which was just two junctions away from QS house.. I thought it was just another road block and all i have to do is to jus make sure that me n QS had our safety belt on will be enough.. Who noes.. the police actually wanted the group of us to get down the car and hade our ICs checked... OMG!!! This is the first time i ever got asked by the police to get outta my vehicle..We were not really scared instead we get quite high over it and was quite noisy throughout the 15 mins (that's the approximate time coz i never check my watch)... Interesting huh..? I think so too... =p

Bored...

Getting really very very very very bored... QS is going overseas and dere goes my fav friend... Though she will be back... but i just cant help feeling lonely... Can still remember clearly that she was spending my birthday with me last year and this year she is gonna miz it... haiz....

I miz you...

I really had no where to express how much i miss you... I really miss you alot... I keep thinking of you in the bus... on my way home... while eating my meals and when listening to songs... Why do you have to be so sweet to me when you know that i had long lost faith in love...? I dun understand why i wanted to see you and be with you... I miss you alot yet i dun dare to message you... I can't stop myself from thinking of you... Dear.. Do you know that while typing this post i had actually been thinking of you for the whole day? Thinking of you made me weak... No mood for everything...

What can i do?

Dear had been having quite alot of stress from his boss recently.. I can see that he was so stress that he could no longer hide it like how he used to do it... I dun understand why... But when i saw him with such a "stress face" my heart will ache. I told him, "looking at your stress look, my here (pointing to my left chest) ache." It dose makes my heart pain to see him like this.. He assured me that nothing will ever happen to him... If he really can't take it anymore.. he will just leave his job and i know he really mean it... I told him that if there is a chance for him to go overseas, just leave.. Yet he was rather concerned bout what will happen to me if he go... Some stupid words just came out from my mouth after he expressed his concern... Actually I felt guilty after all these words.... But he just seem to hide most of his feelings... When he was stress... most i can do when i see him was to give him a nice massage at the back, ask bout him and not nag.. and a warm cuddle hug... I really duno what can i do to help release his burden...

For me to figure out...

I was really very very very happy yesterday! I had a day off and spent my time with dear... I had not seen him for days and was missing him real badly.... Finally i gotta spend time with him yesterday for almost one whole day... Though he made me drive in circles but i was still happy (actually was complaining while driving)... I know that he can sense that i missed him real badly.. He always know it.. And that's what i actually "hate".. Coz he is always so clever to guess what'z in my mind... hmm.... Think i getting abit mushy... Luckily i know that he won't read my blog.. I guess he don't even know watz a blog.... Hahahahaha!!!! I think he actually felt guilty coz he can't always be with me... I am ok with him not being able to dedicate his time just for me becoz i know that he had his commitment... At least he is able to let me know the amount of time he was able to spend with me and i will extort every minute of the time he can bear.... Hahaha!!! At first i was touched by his actions... He cared for me when i needed support the most and was actually thinking so much of the two of us... Without showing... Without leting me sense any thing... Quietly, he bear all his thoughts to himself... i started to realise that when he first apologize to me not being able to spend his time with me... And that really shocked me... i did not know that everything i said actually went into his mind and he went in depth thinking of of it... This really touched me alot... Slowly... I discovered that i like him... I dun dare to fall in love ever again... Never ever... After the hurt that i had experience, i wanted to protect myself... Protect every bit of my heart.... Like what dear had said.. I should start planning for my future... He may leave me one day(even when he said to keep me forever)... I know that it's abit silly to say that i actually feel like following him forever.... Like what he everytime like to say... I am a silly little gal... Well.. I am silly and stupid enough to chose him.... Right at this moment.. He will not know how much i miss him... How much i detest not seeing him... How much i miss the hugs and kisses he gave me yesterday... And how much i wanted to figure out all the unanswered questions i asked him...

Jealousy...

I thought i won't be jealous this time... Who knows... I still got jealous... For nothing.... Hahaha... Lucky he was quite clever... Can catch me from my words... Well... Though he said there's nothing to be jealous about i am still jealous.. until now... even when there's nothing between them... I am still jealous... Why?? Coz she is so cute... But she is attached.. Hahaha!!! Well... my dear is also attached.. Hahaha.. Why should i worry? haha...

Recent feelings...

When a naughty gal falls, it is hard and very painful.. But she knows how to bounce back... Get to her feet.. numb herself in her work and start her new life.. Her world can only be filled with her friends and family.. nevertheless.. her work.. School starting soon.. And she will get busier.. She felt so disappointed with love and decided not to be serious in future.. That's her lesson... That's her karma.. She used to treat good guys like dirt... giving all her commands and not cherishing them.. Now she knows how it felt not to be cherished... Now she understand how cruel love can be towards her when everything ends.. It starts so nicely.. like a fairy tale... and it ended so horribly... So much so that she was sad, angry and disappointed... She was sad because she love him and wanted him to herself... She was angry with herself for not able to fake her ignorant anymore.. She was disappointed with all his lies and now... She is happy she lead a new life... Forever to her is no longer the word... She needed a companion now... and she had found one... the one who listens to her complains and give her part of the attention... One who is willing to make her smile... and regain her naughtiness... Its a kinda companionship which no one will understand... No more commitment for her... neither does she want anything in return... some times she only wanted some attention and she get it... Now... she realise she don't have to depend on any guy.. she have herself.. and her companion..

Ended

I finally took the courage to end the two of us this morning... Oh no... Can't seemed to turn off the tap since then... Had been crying since this morning... On and off... stop and start... Felt really deeply hurt.... I dun feel like talking at all... I went to look for him this morning after Balcony wif CL and company... Travelled all the way down... My determination of leaving him shook after i met him... I dun bear to leave him at all... Can't seem to control myself at all.... But after i returned home and think... I finally had the courage to tell him i wanna to leave him... And he accepted that as i kept insisting of breaking up... I realised how hard it was for me to actually made up my mind and leave him... See through his lies finally.... Maybe i was too serious this time... So i guess its time to really change back to the Gina Teo who is forever heartless and cruel.... I just can't stand being serious anymore... More i think more i lost my faith towards love.. Hmm.... I will be fine... I kept telling myself this... I knew deep inside me that i will miss him... but i will forget the love i had for him... I will be strong and move on....

Human nature??

I remembered i once ask this guy who had a pretty wife and a gf, "Don't you think you are greedy?" His answer to me was "Ya lor.." Is this human nature to be greedy to have to relationships at a time...? CL once asked me before "Do you really need two bf?" I could not answer him. Dumb strikened. Been thinking alot bout these questions.. It might be a kinda human nature to be greedy.. Sometimes, having different people to be with you can be a change, or maybe a lesson. You learn to cherish whoever and learn to know who is more important. I guess, that guy's wife is more important than his gf... And one of my bf was more important than th other... You can feel... Who you really wanna to be with after the company of the other.... That's why i am afraid... R might have another company behind me.. I may like him alot... But i will never know is he the one destined to be mine..