Phobia...

Yesh.. my fear had surfaced again... i was having a chat with him on MSN on the sensitive topic which he had been avoiding all along... he asked me why do i like him and i can't answer it.. fact is i dun have an answer for this.. this is always like that.. how can i answer when i dun even know why... then when i asked him does he like me he replied that i know he wonot answer this.. yes.. but i hope that he will... it was on the next morning i realise that i wanna let go of the baggage on liking someone.. it did wake my fear to a certain point when he dun wanna answer me that question and we go ahead with the topic... well.. people who know me well knows me well will know my fear... i had a phobia ever since the last relationship... previously SL dun answer this question and expect me to find out myself... i had been convincing myself that he does love me as much as i love him.. but sweet dreams dun last.. nightmare came before i am prepared for any changes... a question which he dun answer means that he is not sure of the kinda feeling he had towards me... am i a lover? a sister? a good friend? or just a fling? until now.. he still can't convince himself either... it would be better if i remain my reservations and treat him as fling right from the start.. maybe this fear in me won't exist... now my subconcious had convinced myself to let go.. look for someone who will give me an answer to my questions.. so should i thank my fear??? or should i thank the couple who broke my heart??

Where should i go from here??

Had been thinking real hard bout this question since yesterday.. Mike had offered me a place at his company.. but i just can't let go of what i am doing now.. which i think that is much more better in terms of future... had a real bad quarrel with T yesterday... I sent out reminders on those which he had to follow up.. one of it is the relocation of one customer which had all the FSE and our boss in CC.. He wasn't happy with me including everyone in CC because it makes him feels that he is not following up.. fact is ya.. he is not following up! process had sent him their recommendations.. FS had sent him their recommendations.. and i had sent him my calculation.. all he have to do is to give his consent and that's it! happy ending.. but why is he holding on to all these?? I was soo angry that i told boss yesterday and he asked me to wait for his return and we shall talk about it face to face... i admitted that i was so angry that i cried... ok.. this is what happen in the room.. he asked me into the room and asked me am i trying to challenge him by sending that email.. i think he just simply read to much into the mail.. bad mood huh... fuck him! He shouted at me and the last sentence he said "I WANT YOU TO SIT HERE AND EXPLAIN TO ME YOUR PROPOSAL! TREAT IT AS I DIDNT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS!" mind my language.. i wanna say FUCK! my boss who is also his boss, the GM doesnt even speak to me in that manner! He is only a sales manager! yes.. i am a sales engineer but that doesnt mean he can shout at me... i cant take it anymore.. i dun wanna take this with that much emotions.. but he is making me fed up! i dun feel like talking to him at all other than anything about work.. haiz.. i really hope boss can be of some help which i think maybe he will maybe he wont.. god! help me!!

New hair!!

Went to JB for some shopping and food yesterday.. it was definately 100% enjoyable... the clothes there are so so... not much of things to shop... bought a pair of shoes and a dress.. had a new hair color... buahahaa!!! it was definately cheap! 1/2 of what i pay in Singapore... and i am quite happy with the color... too bad i cant change my hairstyle.. gotta bear with this boring hair for few more months before i can change it... haiz... went for fresh seafood at night... buahjahaha!!