Envy me???

I was chatting with W this morning... i told her bout my recent happenings coz it happened so much that our clique of 3 cute gals are in love with the "wrong" guys... She told me that she had always envied my freedom... i can go out with whoever without reporting to any one... sometimes she just wish that she is able to live in this kinda life for a period of time... i told her.. behind all the independence and freedom i hold.. its another kinda lonely life style.... that is why i am drowning myself in the rehearsals and entertainment... its difficult when you cant just be weak for a moment.. ya.. at this point of time.. i have to admit that i am also a female... though not faminine enough but sometimes i yearn for a person to hold me tight n bury me into his chest... Should i succumb to fate? i am not someone who believe in destiny... cumon... we create our fate...
W is not the only one who envied me... S did said that to be once i think... how she wish she is single... diao... why girls happily attahced will envy a lonely girl like me... I don't used to think that being alone is a scary thing until recently.... i have to admit that i don't wana be left on the shelf... if i am not this picky... to chose the one i like.. guess i will be attached now... too bad... this stubborn girl here just like to chose the one she like... and she always believe in her choice instead of situations when people chose her... but take a look at what i have now... my choice wasn't the best... definately is unbelievable... its so different.. but i like him.. and in the end he might not like me.. why am i so persistant?? Since he is not the best.. what am i thinking?? i am thinking of him... i can't stop myself.. it always happened that i said one thing and i will contradict myself the next moment... i need advice!