Thinking too much..?

I got nothing better to do this morning when i reach office (not that i have no work is because i don't wanna start so early) and decided to log on to friendster.. Saw some of my friends had their profile updated and the Kaypo little me decided to pick one and read on her recent update... To my surprise, I read somthing that sounded so familiar and it doesn't sound nice at all...

"if u dun appreciate wat is love... u have no rite to judge ppl..if u have lost ur loved one to other people is coz u dun appreciate him at first....u are in no position to suspect their love..."

I kinda have a feeling that this message is suppose to be given to me.... Tell me i am thinking too much... But i seriously have a strong feel to that.... Well... I can jolly well approach my friend and ask whether she was refering to me... If she is honest enough.. she will tell me the truth... Problem is... I am afraid she wouldn't wanna care... Like what QY had said.. I have to act ignorant if i still wanna be friend with them... problem is... Do they wanna be my friend?? Well.. Its a question which only they can answer...I have no right to interfere...

Come to think of the chain of things that had happened after my graduation from poly.. I felt kinda fast for everything to happen in just bout 6 months... I seemed to have grow alot and thin alot more than i used to think.. Maybe it was due to the work environment that had forced one to grow mature in thinking... I used to behave like an ant whenever my work load increase or i could not organize my thoughts... Now... I will calm down... think and look at the things i have to complete and organize it out (but my tabble is still as messy)... R had somehow made me grow... Most probably is because he is much older and is able to calm me down and talk me out... It had never occurred to me that a guy can actually make me change in my temper and thinkings... It was also because of him i take alot of things easier... Came back to this happy go lucky self and gave up all the vyings... I have friends leaving the country... to China for work.. and Melbourne for study... Somethings we just can't control... People will leave and come back... If i was to think so much... I will be leaving in a damn sad life... One day.. I will also leave... who knows anyone will be attending my funeral tomorrow (touch wood though)... But these are things we cant control...

Back to the thing i saw from my friend's profile... I can't control what people wanna say or type... Its their mouth on their face (my fav phrase which i had not used for months)... Whether it's my friend or not... I will forever give that bloody attitude i always had (and that's what QY everytime get from me.. That's another reason why she thinks i am very fierce)... Say whatever i think is reasonable... and stand out for whatever i think is unfair (to my friends)... One thing i can say that i still treat those friends who used to be close to me (maybe now they don't like me?) as friends... Whatever misunderstandings that can be talked through can be discussed (provided they are willing to)... So... whoever who read this... If you don't like the way i behave or you are somehow unhappy with me... just approach me... well... you guys have my number don't you?

Every Little Effort

Finally things had turned out better with the family recently and i hope it remains... I can't believe that i am still feeling so energetic with only two hours of sleep... Hehehe... Reached home around three plus this morning.. Cause Orchard was raining yesterday night and QY and me were caught in the rain... In the end we ended up in K-Box singing....

Honey was getting a little busy i suppose... He told me he will be hiding at home and will go MIA for few weeks to prepare for his exams... Hope he will go on fine... I wonder when can i see him again after we met on wednesday.... He can really read people's mind easily.... but one thing he can't read bout me is my REAL thoughts... We just can't seem to trust each other alot... One reason maybe due to the time we spend on each other... We are really spending the minimum number of hours a couple can spend with each other... At least we did made an effort on wednesday to meet after my work and before his class.... I miss him alot actually everyday... And he can easily tell when i am free when i'm not.... Because whenever i am free i will burst his phone and when i'm not.. He will get peace... Hahahaha... He said that he can see regret in my eyes when discuss on that particular topic... Well... something i can sense is (hope i am not thinking too much)... He actually do mind (a little) about my jealousy over whoever in past tense... But i can be very sure that i am not now... Maybe i did regret for a period of time... but i am no longer feeling that way now... Yet... he don't believe.. *sad*... I can see that he is also trying very hard to fork out that little spare time he have for me... Same here... I am also trying to schdule my every spare minute out for him... Now i can loudly say that for every minute the both of us are free (at the same time of cause) we will spend together... Trying to keep this effort going...

The happiest day in my life...

Hahahaha.... cant stop myself from smiling or laughing... hahahhaha... Took a half day today to give myself a break from work... At first was thinking of cutting my frindge and buy bag myself somewhere at orchard... I suddenly had an urge to call him this morning and ask him out for lunch. Cause he said before if i work in orchard he will accompany me for lunch... To my surprise, he actually agreed to meet for lunch without much hesitations... He even called and ask me where i wanna go... Though we only spent afew hours at orchard (He have a class to attend at 1630), I wa so so so so happy.. Finally I get to see him... finally get to hold him... finally i get to hug him... I wanna tell him how much i love him... how much i wanted to spend my day with him... He saif that its a very important lesson today thats why he had to leave for class.... If not... how i hope he can skip his class like last week... I am still very very very very very happy... cause we did leave our traces at Orchard....

Your songs....

Hahaha.. Really to happy to stop myself from sharing it... or jot down such sweet moment i had.... I was toking with my boyfriend yesterday night on the phone and he started singing songs again.. I was so so so happy... We had not met since... erm forgot when... And our busy schdule doesn't allow us to have such sweet intimate conversation... He was soooooo sweet!!! He sang so many songs.. a series of sweet, loving songs which made me feeling real sweet!!! Ok.. Here's the songs he sang yesterday night.. the first song is "Huang Hoon", "Tong Hua", "Forever Love" and "Only love".. Think i forgot one or two songs.. Hehehe... I really hope he mean what he sang... Alot alot... I just can't help thinking spending every sweetest moments with him... So I gave him a song "Because you love me".. Hahaha..

Holiday....

Had been trying to organise a holiday recently in order not to waste my passport.. $50 for a renewal of 5 years passport... hmm... that's rather expensive especially for me.. Reason : My parents dun allow me to traavel with friends. It's like as if they will wanna travel with me... or i would wanna travel with them... Put this aside... QS and the rest had been planning for a trip to Phuket (because they have license to dive)... I was planning a trip to somewhere cheap and near provided someone wanna go with me.... Feel like taking a break after the concert... Hahahaha... Finally one burden down... But the work is taking me forever to complete it.... Well.... That's life...

WHY???!!!

Its suppose to be a nice day yesterday. Why must my family restrict my freedom again??? I had not seen him for weeks, since our start. I was too stress by work and alot of things yesterday night and finally our schedule match. I was able to meet him but my family don't let me go. They thought i was meeting "him". Since they don't believe me, there's nothing i can say. I walked out from two relationships into another one, yet i am still not getting understanding from them. It was mum who said not to bring any boyfriends around if he's not the destinated one. Thus, I am just following what she had said. I don't show him to my family cause the whole relationship was not stable at all. I was really so stress with my work. They don't even know what i am doing everyday. Dad thought that his work is very tough. If he ever considered his work tough, it's physically tough. The stress i faced everyday. The fear i face everyday. I don't want them to know about my stress at work. Not that i had not stayed late in office these few days I was free. NOPE! I purposely went home without finishing my work! I went home yesterday because it's mum birthday! I planned to come back on saturday! I got no time for my boyfriend at all! I missed him so much! My sisters can meet their husbands everyday. I can't! Cause both of us have to commit so much to our daily work and activities! I admit that i was really to agitated yesterday. This is due to the accumulations of all the work stress these few weeks i am facing. I could not control myself yesterday for letting out all my frustrations and behaved like a kid. Luckily he was understanding enough. I called him and he asked me to stop crying and go to sleep. Even when he knew that i can't come out, he did not throw his temper. Why do i behave like a kid yesterday. Think I really have to go on a holiday or take a short break.

Like it.. like it.. love you!

I like you when you are sleeping... I like you when you are snoring... I like you when you hug me... I like you when you hold me.... I like you when you kiss my back... I like you when you try to read the chinese news paper.... I like you when you learn to sing chinese songs... I like you when you check my messages.. I like you when you are fierce... I like you when you asked "Is this the way you talk to your boyfriend"... I like you when you are jealous.... I like you when you are worried.... I like you when you fetch me.... I like you when you watch tv... I like you when you touch my head.... I like you when you smile.... I like you when you are with me... And I love you when you say you love me.... and when you say I am the only one in your world....

Because you love me....

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall

You're the one who saw me through it all
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am Because you loved me
I'm everything I am Because you loved me

Story of Ms Kpo and Mr Passionate

One day, Ms Kpo was so devastated and depressed by some news she read. She tried to make herself feel better but she couldn't. She was sad for weeks and nobody noticed that. One day, Mr Passionate smses her. upon looking at the sms, she couldn't believe her eyes. Though the sweet SMS brightened Ms Kpo, she was still sad. Slowly, Mr Passionate gave Ms Kpo a stong happy medication to strengthen her mood. Now, Ms Kpo had recovered 80% of her mood, Got a confirmation from Mr Passionate and she is waiting for him. Waiting for him to say he love her.

No U turn in life....

Watched a movie yesterday and cried my hearts out... I kinda felt alot from the storyline... Maybe some situations are so similar that i feel so sad... I also had a very honest talk with QS yesterday while waiting for R and QY.... Finally i can be so honest to someone with how i had been feeling recently.... And the conclusion we came up with is: Guys are not trustable at all.. They can tell you that you are their only love and how much they love you in their heart... WAT BULLSHIT!!! They can tel you this today and tomorrow they will find a new gal... Even the most honest guy lie..

Time for me is something that i had really realised and finally dare to face now... what gone is gone... no U turn... its juz like a straight rocky road... full of ups and downs.. its so unstable... sometimes you trip and fall... maybe you will come across a junction... with a U turn sign.. who noes that maybe a dead end if you turn back... Why get yourself entangled in a situation that will make you unhappy? Its a rites of passage... everyone have to went through to grow... Feel like an old woman now... but in fact i am no longer a child... I cant behave like a spoilt kid everytime... snatching what i want from others... That thing may not be mine anymore... I used to get the things i wanted easily.... But i realised that everytime i get the thing i want i will lose something at the same time... I get KS i lost PT.. I gain KS back again... I almost lost SC... I gainLF.. I lost PT again... I gain PH... I lost BB... I gain BB... I lost my family, CL and PH... Its always a gain-lost situation... Now i gain my family.. I still cant get what i lost... at the same time BB was gone... Its this situation what we called opportunity cost i micro-econs? Izzit a curse on me by losing my friends each time i gain a relationship?? Or each time i lose a relationship i gain an enemy??

The fear to admit or lose??

Why am i so timid now adays? I had always been timid.. but not this kinda fear... I had admitted lost to my family.. I lost my love in exchange for them.. I lost my stubborness in exchange for their understanding.. Now things get better with my family... but i have to admit.. i like him alot... really... alot... Day and night i had been thinking.. none stop... Its not fun to be pestered by questions everytime you talk on the phone with someone just exchanging a few intimate words.. I say that to frenz.. all my frenz... guys and gals... no difference... I went home late coz i went out... Can i go clubbing at least once a week during the weekends?? I am really tired... I like him i cant see him.. I miz him i cant listen to him... Alot of things happened recently.. and i am really tired to say.. very very tired... so what if i am being honest... my honesty was no recipocrated.... sadness.. happiness... its the same... no difference... I used to have a colorful world... now they are all fading... am i thinkin too much? Should i give myself a holiday, take a break some where? Spending time alone...?