Hurt....

What a familiar word.... deep down from inside.... The wound opened again... now i understand that it will never heal.. no matter how long it takes... no matter how strong i am... it will continue to prove my weakness... reflected in the cold night and the nearing date when things ends... where the memories are buried... i dreamt of you several times these few nights... I can still recall the ashtray smell from your kisses..... My recent news of you is your step to proceed to a new future that you will never consider when you were with me... you had decided to leave her... and chose the one you told me you have a stronger feeling with...

i maybe hoping that you will be happy... but don't forget that i am also a woman... deep down.. i am still petty and selfish... the only reason which i can convince myself when you left me was because you had never love me at all... i admit that i did curse you two to end.. may not be now... but i do wish to see the ending... i am afraid to see you again... i am afraid that i can't hide the hatred in me... finally.. i can say that... I HATE YOU!!!