Stupid!

This is real stupid... I wanna msg CL something bout "someone" and i actually msg that "someone"... Haiz... That's the reason... I think too much of him that i actually cant believe that i actually msg him... luckily he did not know who i am... guess he dun understand the content... So what if he understand... I won't affect him much actually... what am i doing man... I am getting confused also...

Just dreams or nightmares?

Tell me i am really thinking too much. I was having dreams these two days that seems so real and its as though its really happening to me.. The day before i dreamt of myself and R.. We were happily shopping at Orchard as if it was so REAL!! Like the previous half day i took. Yesterday i wonder whether it was really a nightmare. I dreamt of an ex of mine.. I was at my friend's house just like this year's new year.. The nly one different thing was that they no longer wanna play games with me.. I went home earlier and i boarded a bus to my god-ma house and on the way.. i was so sad that i messaged R. After i messaged him, i realised that the person sitting beside me is HIM!! I mean my ex... I got a shocked and alight and ran to my god-ma house. He was chasing after me and i asked him to get off my back. Finally i went to my god-ma house and hid inside. After a while, I asked my sister whether he was still standing outside or not. Her reply to me was NO! Some part of me cursed him why didn't he waited outside? I might went out... Maybe that's probably what fate is trying to tell me. He does not belong to me anymore.. He will not wait outside for me... and allow me to be a tyrant in his life anymore... Why was i so affecte by the dream and was thinking of him the whole day... OMG! what's in me man? People already have a girlfriend and is very close... Why am i still thinking of him? I also had my boyfriend who is very close to me.. Why am i still thinking so much? Hmm... Hopefully R won't get to know bout it.. Otherwise he will say he saw regrets in my eyes again... I dun wanna let him think that i can't let go of my ex.. And i wanna let him know how much he mean to me...

Every moment with you

Spending time with you had become somthing real difficult... Finally its 5 weeks and we met up again.. though i am very tired today.. But i am still happy that i spent time with you... Stop swearing when you drive ok? and try to be more patient.. I love you honey!

Happy Birthday!! Not me la..

Buahahahaha... Looking at this little gal.. really can't believe that she had turned one this year. Look at the car she was riding on. It was my present for her. I simply love her so much. Such a cute little gal, isn't she? Suddenly she seemed to have grown so much and big. Sorry babe. Your aunty here went to watch Harry Potter, thus, turned up late for your birthday party. Harry potter was really so nice! Just simply cant help watching it again... Whoever here.. I wanna watch again.. Ask me along ok? Hehehe.. If only Lynnie is old enough i will definately bring her along.. Lynnie gal.. yiyi here will definately bring you out for movie..

Dinner & Dance

Friday, 18 Nov 2005 was GE's DND.. Guess watz our Theme? It'S Aloha! Aloha! Buahahahahahaha! Dun worry.. That's not what i wore for my DND, I had a top too... I also had another pic with Ciuyi. Is was fun but the food was bad.. Never mind.. but at least i had a fun time at the DND!!! Sorry if anyone find the pic irritating.. i know that i dun have very nice figure..


Taken with Ciuyi at DND before it starts.. How's my make up? Actually i helped Ciuyi also make up but due to the light i guess its not easy to see..

I miz you...

Honey.... I am thinking of you and going crazy..... You messaged me that you will only be back on monday... I know i have no choice but to accept it... Your job requires you to go overseas... My job needs me to stick my butt on the chair... I am not being difficult... Just that.. I'm trying to find a way to vent my frustration!! Ok.. Most importantly... You told me you know how to take care of yourself... and i believe so.. Coz you are old enough.. I will be drinking tonight and will stop before i reach my limit... Dun worry for me ok? This post is for you... and you should know better than any one else...

Thanx Ms Wong Qiuyi!!

Here i muz thanx Ms Wong for helping me upgrade this blog of mine... Hehehehe.. I know that i had been very straight forward and certain times might had hurt you through my words.. But the naggy me is like this.. and all the words were to let you grow... and for your good... That's why i though i am angry with you i will still wake you up in the morning and get you breakfast.. you should understand that this friend of yours show concern through actions more than work.. So next time i on leave you better answer my call and wake up... Dun waste on cab ok? Andone last thing a very THANK YOU for the help you gave to my blog and friendster!!!!!!!!!

Just a post

Let's look at the everyday routine.. Wake up--> work--> go home--> sleep.. Maybe a weekend schedule is just some movie with friends or dinner with boyfriends... I had alot of friends who envy the amount i get from my job... And when you get the figure.. One thing you realise is.. You are stressful... I admitted that i wanna work hard and climb high... But its really very difficult to be a high flyer especially with so much stress... Somehow, i feel like having a holiday, relax and have agood rest.. But deep down i knew that i wont bear to let my work down.. I work hard and played hard.. I used to play harder than work.. Now, I work harder than play.. How do i know? I finally had one full day to myself on friday but i realise that it's work that spin in my head.. I can't stop thinking bout urgent matters.. I love my job.. So much so that i had dreams bout my work and wake up in the middle of my dreams think of my emails..

Ever since i saw the my friend's profile in friendster, i was kinda struck down also.. We used to share strong bond in school and was so close... Thinking back.. Those days when we stayed and do projects in school.. Draw our future and plan for future gatherings together.. It's kinda saddening to think back... I couldn't figure out whether its because i was too sensitive or it's a fact that they really wanna shun me..

Concert!!

Seems like i had not talked much bout my concert.... 23 October 2005 the group finally went up for concert... Though it was tough as Taurus are only left with Hua, Gao ren, Sean, Michelle and me... With this few people.. I am only close with Hua... And throughout the whole thing i keep telling myself and Hua... We are representing Taurus up... We are still Taurus... We have to sing for the team mates who are not up... I really hope we can all went up... But at least we still have some Pisces with us... We performed at NTUC Auditorium... That's a great place!!! After performance... I felt so relieve and light... Finally that the had passed... One thing i was very happy was that my sisters are able to witness me on stage... this gave me encouragement and wanted to show them my hard work all these while...

"Husband-Wife" look??

People said that we look like a couple... Or rather we have a "husband-wife" face... Hehehehe... If you people thinks that he is R... Sorry... His name is Chong Long... We had known eachother more than a decade.. And he is my very best friend..

Relaxing friday morning..

Finally i can have an off day!!! So happy... No B/Ls to clear today, no documents to dig today, no updates today!!! My colleagues bet that i will go back to office and cancel my off today... oops! Too bad... i managed to clear everything yesterday night. Talking back yesterday night., i was quite disappointed. R was suppose to come and drive me out but it was called off because his daddy was using the car and was not in a good mood.. We chatted over the phone several times and went back to sleep when his dad was still not back yet at 2330 near 0000. I was very disappointed and for a moment i almost went crazy thinking of him. He wanted me to scold him to make me feel better but i decided not to.. It's not his fault anyway and its not anyone's fault.. He wasn't happy also.. I can feel it.. Sometimes i am really scared that our relationship won't work out one day because of my hectic schedule and his work schedule.. He knew that i love my job and will not leave the job yet...

The reson why i wanted to meet him is to pass his birthday present to him.. Erm.. His birthday had passed one month ago... and the present is still with me.. Well shows that we are really spending minimal time with each other.. I miss him and tried my best to wrap up the present. Well.. Anyone who knows me well knows that i am not an arts and craft person.. And whenever i buy a present, i will get the wrapper from any shop where i buy the present and get the sales person to wrap for me... Thus, I had tried my best and put my hearts into it.. He is the third guy i am willing to spend so much of my time wrapping and decorating his present. The first guy was 4 years ago, LF. I can still remember that the class gave him a watch and i shopped for his present over the weekend with my sister. Due to my budget, i had decided to get a simple yet meaningful present. Guess what i chose? A photoframe from Precious Moment! Well nothing great.. I did some decorations and went to passed it to him... The second person was just a few months ago.. During March.. It's P 21st birthday.. I wasn't his gf at that time and i shared this present with CL.. I got a box of chocolates from chocolatebox and the wrapping was done by the person... Its a relieve to me cause i did not have to wreck my brain... But somehow.. I felt that i should get something more.. I went to PS to get him a giant birthday card and decorated it using color pencils.. I did my best.. But... The card turned out like a birthday invitation card done by a 5-year-old kid... Quite disappointed actually... Anyway... These two person became my friend after we broke off... Nothing to lose.. Hehehehehehe..

0520 (5 Nov 2005)

Its just another morning when my phone rings at 0520 Hrs. I t is very frustrating cause as all of you knows that i would be in the middle of my sleep. Somehow, I had a feeling that i have to answer this call no matter how tired i was. I was right to make the decision! R called me after he touched down and on his way home. I had not hear him since tuesday (1 Nov)! Here's part of our conversation which i was so ecstacised by it:

R: NANA!!
G: You're back!
R: I miz you
G: I miz you too.. you are gone for so long...
R: What to do..? when i fly?? wed?
G: Nope... tues..
R: Oh.... I love you honey... I miz you so much
G: I miz you too...
R: Can i bring you to see my parents?
G: I will be glad if you do that!
R: Can we meet up more often? Can you fit into my schedule?
G: Can! If you are willing to...
R: When you wanna get get married?
G: I had not given a thought bout it yet..
R: Next year?
G: Next year??!! Are you crazy?? I am only 21 and is still young..
R: Then when?
G: My initial plan was 27..

Here's a little conversation to share... I was both shocked and happy by his sudden question bout parents and marriage... Coz i had nevr thought that is one who wanted to get married... Hope its all true and real that he wanna show me to his parents... But i seriously is going crazy waiting for him to call...

Thinking too much..?

I got nothing better to do this morning when i reach office (not that i have no work is because i don't wanna start so early) and decided to log on to friendster.. Saw some of my friends had their profile updated and the Kaypo little me decided to pick one and read on her recent update... To my surprise, I read somthing that sounded so familiar and it doesn't sound nice at all...

"if u dun appreciate wat is love... u have no rite to judge ppl..if u have lost ur loved one to other people is coz u dun appreciate him at first....u are in no position to suspect their love..."

I kinda have a feeling that this message is suppose to be given to me.... Tell me i am thinking too much... But i seriously have a strong feel to that.... Well... I can jolly well approach my friend and ask whether she was refering to me... If she is honest enough.. she will tell me the truth... Problem is... I am afraid she wouldn't wanna care... Like what QY had said.. I have to act ignorant if i still wanna be friend with them... problem is... Do they wanna be my friend?? Well.. Its a question which only they can answer...I have no right to interfere...

Come to think of the chain of things that had happened after my graduation from poly.. I felt kinda fast for everything to happen in just bout 6 months... I seemed to have grow alot and thin alot more than i used to think.. Maybe it was due to the work environment that had forced one to grow mature in thinking... I used to behave like an ant whenever my work load increase or i could not organize my thoughts... Now... I will calm down... think and look at the things i have to complete and organize it out (but my tabble is still as messy)... R had somehow made me grow... Most probably is because he is much older and is able to calm me down and talk me out... It had never occurred to me that a guy can actually make me change in my temper and thinkings... It was also because of him i take alot of things easier... Came back to this happy go lucky self and gave up all the vyings... I have friends leaving the country... to China for work.. and Melbourne for study... Somethings we just can't control... People will leave and come back... If i was to think so much... I will be leaving in a damn sad life... One day.. I will also leave... who knows anyone will be attending my funeral tomorrow (touch wood though)... But these are things we cant control...

Back to the thing i saw from my friend's profile... I can't control what people wanna say or type... Its their mouth on their face (my fav phrase which i had not used for months)... Whether it's my friend or not... I will forever give that bloody attitude i always had (and that's what QY everytime get from me.. That's another reason why she thinks i am very fierce)... Say whatever i think is reasonable... and stand out for whatever i think is unfair (to my friends)... One thing i can say that i still treat those friends who used to be close to me (maybe now they don't like me?) as friends... Whatever misunderstandings that can be talked through can be discussed (provided they are willing to)... So... whoever who read this... If you don't like the way i behave or you are somehow unhappy with me... just approach me... well... you guys have my number don't you?

Every Little Effort

Finally things had turned out better with the family recently and i hope it remains... I can't believe that i am still feeling so energetic with only two hours of sleep... Hehehe... Reached home around three plus this morning.. Cause Orchard was raining yesterday night and QY and me were caught in the rain... In the end we ended up in K-Box singing....

Honey was getting a little busy i suppose... He told me he will be hiding at home and will go MIA for few weeks to prepare for his exams... Hope he will go on fine... I wonder when can i see him again after we met on wednesday.... He can really read people's mind easily.... but one thing he can't read bout me is my REAL thoughts... We just can't seem to trust each other alot... One reason maybe due to the time we spend on each other... We are really spending the minimum number of hours a couple can spend with each other... At least we did made an effort on wednesday to meet after my work and before his class.... I miss him alot actually everyday... And he can easily tell when i am free when i'm not.... Because whenever i am free i will burst his phone and when i'm not.. He will get peace... Hahahaha... He said that he can see regret in my eyes when discuss on that particular topic... Well... something i can sense is (hope i am not thinking too much)... He actually do mind (a little) about my jealousy over whoever in past tense... But i can be very sure that i am not now... Maybe i did regret for a period of time... but i am no longer feeling that way now... Yet... he don't believe.. *sad*... I can see that he is also trying very hard to fork out that little spare time he have for me... Same here... I am also trying to schdule my every spare minute out for him... Now i can loudly say that for every minute the both of us are free (at the same time of cause) we will spend together... Trying to keep this effort going...

The happiest day in my life...

Hahahaha.... cant stop myself from smiling or laughing... hahahhaha... Took a half day today to give myself a break from work... At first was thinking of cutting my frindge and buy bag myself somewhere at orchard... I suddenly had an urge to call him this morning and ask him out for lunch. Cause he said before if i work in orchard he will accompany me for lunch... To my surprise, he actually agreed to meet for lunch without much hesitations... He even called and ask me where i wanna go... Though we only spent afew hours at orchard (He have a class to attend at 1630), I wa so so so so happy.. Finally I get to see him... finally get to hold him... finally i get to hug him... I wanna tell him how much i love him... how much i wanted to spend my day with him... He saif that its a very important lesson today thats why he had to leave for class.... If not... how i hope he can skip his class like last week... I am still very very very very very happy... cause we did leave our traces at Orchard....

Your songs....

Hahaha.. Really to happy to stop myself from sharing it... or jot down such sweet moment i had.... I was toking with my boyfriend yesterday night on the phone and he started singing songs again.. I was so so so happy... We had not met since... erm forgot when... And our busy schdule doesn't allow us to have such sweet intimate conversation... He was soooooo sweet!!! He sang so many songs.. a series of sweet, loving songs which made me feeling real sweet!!! Ok.. Here's the songs he sang yesterday night.. the first song is "Huang Hoon", "Tong Hua", "Forever Love" and "Only love".. Think i forgot one or two songs.. Hehehe... I really hope he mean what he sang... Alot alot... I just can't help thinking spending every sweetest moments with him... So I gave him a song "Because you love me".. Hahaha..

Holiday....

Had been trying to organise a holiday recently in order not to waste my passport.. $50 for a renewal of 5 years passport... hmm... that's rather expensive especially for me.. Reason : My parents dun allow me to traavel with friends. It's like as if they will wanna travel with me... or i would wanna travel with them... Put this aside... QS and the rest had been planning for a trip to Phuket (because they have license to dive)... I was planning a trip to somewhere cheap and near provided someone wanna go with me.... Feel like taking a break after the concert... Hahahaha... Finally one burden down... But the work is taking me forever to complete it.... Well.... That's life...

WHY???!!!

Its suppose to be a nice day yesterday. Why must my family restrict my freedom again??? I had not seen him for weeks, since our start. I was too stress by work and alot of things yesterday night and finally our schedule match. I was able to meet him but my family don't let me go. They thought i was meeting "him". Since they don't believe me, there's nothing i can say. I walked out from two relationships into another one, yet i am still not getting understanding from them. It was mum who said not to bring any boyfriends around if he's not the destinated one. Thus, I am just following what she had said. I don't show him to my family cause the whole relationship was not stable at all. I was really so stress with my work. They don't even know what i am doing everyday. Dad thought that his work is very tough. If he ever considered his work tough, it's physically tough. The stress i faced everyday. The fear i face everyday. I don't want them to know about my stress at work. Not that i had not stayed late in office these few days I was free. NOPE! I purposely went home without finishing my work! I went home yesterday because it's mum birthday! I planned to come back on saturday! I got no time for my boyfriend at all! I missed him so much! My sisters can meet their husbands everyday. I can't! Cause both of us have to commit so much to our daily work and activities! I admit that i was really to agitated yesterday. This is due to the accumulations of all the work stress these few weeks i am facing. I could not control myself yesterday for letting out all my frustrations and behaved like a kid. Luckily he was understanding enough. I called him and he asked me to stop crying and go to sleep. Even when he knew that i can't come out, he did not throw his temper. Why do i behave like a kid yesterday. Think I really have to go on a holiday or take a short break.

Like it.. like it.. love you!

I like you when you are sleeping... I like you when you are snoring... I like you when you hug me... I like you when you hold me.... I like you when you kiss my back... I like you when you try to read the chinese news paper.... I like you when you learn to sing chinese songs... I like you when you check my messages.. I like you when you are fierce... I like you when you asked "Is this the way you talk to your boyfriend"... I like you when you are jealous.... I like you when you are worried.... I like you when you fetch me.... I like you when you watch tv... I like you when you touch my head.... I like you when you smile.... I like you when you are with me... And I love you when you say you love me.... and when you say I am the only one in your world....

Because you love me....

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall

You're the one who saw me through it all
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am Because you loved me
I'm everything I am Because you loved me

Story of Ms Kpo and Mr Passionate

One day, Ms Kpo was so devastated and depressed by some news she read. She tried to make herself feel better but she couldn't. She was sad for weeks and nobody noticed that. One day, Mr Passionate smses her. upon looking at the sms, she couldn't believe her eyes. Though the sweet SMS brightened Ms Kpo, she was still sad. Slowly, Mr Passionate gave Ms Kpo a stong happy medication to strengthen her mood. Now, Ms Kpo had recovered 80% of her mood, Got a confirmation from Mr Passionate and she is waiting for him. Waiting for him to say he love her.

No U turn in life....

Watched a movie yesterday and cried my hearts out... I kinda felt alot from the storyline... Maybe some situations are so similar that i feel so sad... I also had a very honest talk with QS yesterday while waiting for R and QY.... Finally i can be so honest to someone with how i had been feeling recently.... And the conclusion we came up with is: Guys are not trustable at all.. They can tell you that you are their only love and how much they love you in their heart... WAT BULLSHIT!!! They can tel you this today and tomorrow they will find a new gal... Even the most honest guy lie..

Time for me is something that i had really realised and finally dare to face now... what gone is gone... no U turn... its juz like a straight rocky road... full of ups and downs.. its so unstable... sometimes you trip and fall... maybe you will come across a junction... with a U turn sign.. who noes that maybe a dead end if you turn back... Why get yourself entangled in a situation that will make you unhappy? Its a rites of passage... everyone have to went through to grow... Feel like an old woman now... but in fact i am no longer a child... I cant behave like a spoilt kid everytime... snatching what i want from others... That thing may not be mine anymore... I used to get the things i wanted easily.... But i realised that everytime i get the thing i want i will lose something at the same time... I get KS i lost PT.. I gain KS back again... I almost lost SC... I gainLF.. I lost PT again... I gain PH... I lost BB... I gain BB... I lost my family, CL and PH... Its always a gain-lost situation... Now i gain my family.. I still cant get what i lost... at the same time BB was gone... Its this situation what we called opportunity cost i micro-econs? Izzit a curse on me by losing my friends each time i gain a relationship?? Or each time i lose a relationship i gain an enemy??

The fear to admit or lose??

Why am i so timid now adays? I had always been timid.. but not this kinda fear... I had admitted lost to my family.. I lost my love in exchange for them.. I lost my stubborness in exchange for their understanding.. Now things get better with my family... but i have to admit.. i like him alot... really... alot... Day and night i had been thinking.. none stop... Its not fun to be pestered by questions everytime you talk on the phone with someone just exchanging a few intimate words.. I say that to frenz.. all my frenz... guys and gals... no difference... I went home late coz i went out... Can i go clubbing at least once a week during the weekends?? I am really tired... I like him i cant see him.. I miz him i cant listen to him... Alot of things happened recently.. and i am really tired to say.. very very tired... so what if i am being honest... my honesty was no recipocrated.... sadness.. happiness... its the same... no difference... I used to have a colorful world... now they are all fading... am i thinkin too much? Should i give myself a holiday, take a break some where? Spending time alone...?

learn!N...

The more i think of you the more i dun bear to let go... the more i dun bear to let go... the more pressurizing we are... We had never promised the moon or stars.... neither had we wanted to care about the future... all we wanted is the short term happiness we are experiencing everytime we talk on the phone... evertime we see each other... every moment that we both share.... u wanted me to find a good guy.... and i can leave you happily.... You wanna be the only naughty in me... We procrastinated all conversations about elle and my family.... I dun mind being branded promiscuious... I only wanted a world of me and you..... You dun want me to fall out with my family... You dun want me to get stressed out by this relationship... And I had finally agreed to freedom... nodded my head and let you fly.....

Sometimes i selfishly think that how good it will be if the world can accept in everything one does or one had did with a huge heart... knowing a person by who he/she is, without caring who he/she is with.... I am with you... and its me who is with you.... I dun care bout your appearance... your ego... i juz block out everything that will hurt the relationship... Finally... I realise what is to like someone with the heart.... Finally... i am able to cry becoz of a relationship... Finally.... I am learning to let go of someone i really like alot alot.... Finally.... I learn to hide my sadness beneath my pillows, with the tears whole night.... You guys once told me that i had not really liked someone when i said that i wont sob over a relationship.... Now i learn to handle a rocky, tough relationship for months... Keeping every sweetest moment and plans we had drawn.... I no longer had the bitter sweet and sour feeling anymore.... Becoz i am not entitled to it anymore.... I can no longer feel every touch and kiss you shower anymore... I am learning to be your friend once again... I am learning to smile again.... I am learning to cry again.... I am learning not to miss you again... I am learning to accept.... I am learning to forget.... I am learning to stop the tears.... I am learning to stop saying "I luv you" and "I miz you".....

I am strong... and i will be strong..... I will learn to be even stronger without you....

I was told that i am selfish, insensible and silly when this relationship surfaced... I was warned by my frenz when i get to know him.... I rejected every possibility my frenz had brought up between me and him.... And when I met him... I admitted i like him... expressed my interest in him (to my frenz of coz).... and when he wanted me to be his gal... I juz simply accepted it outta fun... i didnt know bout elle... When i knew it it was months after we were together... It was an agreed no strings relationship... And finally we attached strings to it when he expressed his feelings to me several times before i accepted him... And finally i was his gf... I like him alot alot.... I dun want the relationship to surface... But i cant take it anymore... I confess and had a talk with the closest around me... news leaked to my family... and they said that i had changed... DO you think that being branded is very nice?? I accepted it... as its a fact... Now everything had concluded..... I wanna hide.... Hide from everything... Hide from the fact.... Hide from my pain... But this is a real world... Its reality that i had to agree with...

Too free??

Haha... Not sure whether i am too free these few days or i cant take my boss's untidiness.. Had been helping him pack his table... Just now help him wipe his table coz really cant bear with the dirtiness (actually dun wanna wipe for him previously coz gonna renovate liao).... Still thinking of some ways to get rid of the few cans of coke... Hmm.... since new year... cant find the expiry date... Should i put it in the fridge and let people enjoy??? Ever since i was told that my table was very messy i had been cleaning it everyday... Think now is considered quite clean ba... coz i had so many documents... How to keep it very neat? Really enjoy working here... Colleagues are all fun and good... Thinking back i still wanna quit... lucky i stayed on... hehehe..... So excited also... Going to Mount Faber to chill out with the company... free flow of drinks... ahahha... Mummy never asked me who i gonna drink with... guess i dun have to tell her also... Had already told her i went drinking... Cant wait for tomorrow to arrive!! hehe...

What shall i ask for??

Alot of people say that i am silly i am stupid... tired of hearing all thee because i do agree with them... I think i am facing some possesive problems here... I felt that i am getting more possesive and deep into what i hope not... Well... reality and thinkings always have a difference here... who dun agree? hahha... Sometimes I really hope to own someone... but how long can you grab on to him?? hehehe... Thats what i had been telling myself... Actually afraid of losing him had become part of me... But i know that if one day i leave hium.. at least i was happy before... ahaha... Alot of things are complicated and difficult to explain... It is not that i am not growing... this is my growing process... I had already grown uup... stop asking me to grow up anymore... i am growing every second... (tick tock tick tock) Nobody can stop me from seeing him... I was heart-brokened when we quarrelled that day... Well... I guess at least i know he do care... But what he really care... This is between the both of us... I dun wanna presurrize him... neither do i wanna take any more pressure.... We can just be a "hush hush" couple... hehehe... Some times i am really touched by his sudden messages or call.... He will then say something i will be really shocked.... A kinda bitter sweet and strange feeling will grow in me... how to explain it..? Well i duno...

Truely... Thanx....

I know i am stubborn... not really selfish... Lian's words had always been harsh... Its her... and everyone knows about it... Remember there was once in school she totally wreck my pride and i cried all the way home... Even hoon lent me her shoulders.... She meant her good will... and i truely thank her.... Just let me be stubborn one more time... I maybe abit selfish... but not to the extend of creating troubles from my selfishness... These are not excuses... When i am still so hard hearted to my ex boyfriends... All my friends said that i had not truely fell for someone yet.. But now... Its real... I really like that person alot... and i tried to leave before(this is not excuse lian..) but i cant.. I cant bring myself to go... I am very silly i know... Very stupid also... In the end i will still hurt myself... Shi.. i wont cry in the middle of the night myself.. i will call you up and bother you the whole night... hahahha.... What goes around comes around.. I will accept all the outcome... But now really feel like going on a holiday... If possible better go on a trip near xmas.... if not i will try to organise one somewhere near.... Hoony told me she don't want me to be so dumb... she don't want me to get hurt like her... I love her and i love myself and my family... so even when i am hurt i wont do anything silly... Than frenz!!

dowN...

Feeling rather sad recently.. What that had used to be so sweet are no longer that sweet anymore... I tried to forget everything by working so hard and get myself busy... Got my ear pierced this afternoon during lunch time... At first i was quite scared that it would very pain.. to my surprise, it was not as painful as i had imagined...!!! Hahahaha... Lucky i had Becca and Shi with me today... Thanx babes!! Thats it for today...

Time & Tide

So much had happened recently. Lost my phone after getting drunk, breaking up with my boyfriend, quarelled with my family..... Haiz..... Then being branded im-matured... so and so.... Who dun wanna rush home the moment they off work? Who dun wanna stay at home and discuss their prblems with their family? Who dun wanna enjoy when they are able to? If there are someone out there who dun want all these... please let me know... Have anyone been chased out of your sibling's room or parent's room the moment you wanna tell them your troubles? Have any one been left stranded at home late at night hoping just any one of your family to get home? Have anyone tried to be good to your family but was not appreciated? Or maybe i had tried to keep all these to myself for too long and i turned a little rebellious? Do you call this rebellious by clubbing with your friends/ going for rehearsals/ attending gathering/ watching movies with other guys other than your boyfirend? I admit that my social circle is wider now. I went out often now adays. Don't my sisters went out at my age? I used to shop alone because my sisters are busy with their boyfriend (now husband). It became a habit and i shop alone most of the time now adays. It had been so long since i asked my mum for any prize. I can still remember the last time i did that was an agreement we had when i was P5. That agreement was if i am able to score top 3 in class she will buy me a Baby G. And to everyone's surprize (including me) i did it.... Now, the only prize i ask for my merit cert is only a trip to Genting or a holiday with my friend before i start my term next year... And i got rejected time and again... The answer i got from my sis was "you can dream on if you wanna go for a holiday with your 'so-call' friends" They saw my friends before... and it is hurting to hear your own friends being branded 'so-call' friends by your own sisters... If i said that to their friends... how will they feel? They don't understand how great my friends had been during my down time... Like what people say "huan nan jian zhen qing"... My friends stood by me during my down time... They were there all the time.... Those who left me during that time had already been filtered in my life... And those who are with me now are those that had been through my down time with me... Have they ever asked me to bring my friends home for dinner? Or even invite them to a BBQ to take alook at them? NOPE! I was invited by my friends so many times to their place for wateva gathering... and felt welcome... Thats how your meet your child's friends... Or the best chance is during a birthday party... I never had a birthday party since... erm... donkey years ago... I have my friends photo with me in my room they can see it! I tried to show them through friendster my studio friends coz they had not met them before... they refuse to see... What else can i do to let my family see the friends i mix with? If being a good daughter is to stay at home all the time.. chose the guy your mum wants you to be with... Sorry... Then i dun think i am one... Guess what my mum asked me to do recently? She wanted me to chase back my boyfriend... too bad... if letting a good guy go is a sign of turning bad... very sorry.... this is not the first time i am doing it... I maybe spoit.. but i am not rotten... and i know it best!! Most probably mummy is getting paranoid now because my sisters are getting married and leaving the house one by one.. and i am the only one left at home... like what i had said... I am the ONLY ONE left... and whenever they are out in pairs... i am the only person... walking on my own... So.. i dun see the point that they go on a tour in couples and pairs and i follow suit... At this point of time alot of people might say i am being very selfish... But i just hate the feeling of being alone... I had been left alone till late nights since young... and i hate the feeling when you talk to a person and that person is not listening to you... just let you complete your sentence and you will automatically shut up... Thats what happened to me since i was kid... but who cares? i am too tired to expain everything to them over and over again... since they dun wanna meet my frenz.. i will just say go out with frenz when i am out.. not even to mention the name at all because WHO CARES? even if i bother to mention.. they wont even remember.... because WHO CARES? Now they think that something is wrong and they say THEY CARE... so whatz wrong now? staying out late? or THEY CARE?

GRADUATED!!!!!

When i first entered Ngee Ann Poly, LEM, all my hope is to graduste within 3 years... Now what i had hoped for had came true and even more than i had expected... Though my mum and dad will definately not read this blog... i know that my sisters can inform them... haha... or rather they can feel it.. (if they are able to...) haha..... I entered this school with my L1R4: 24 ('O' level).... Can still remember that i was quite sad then... I had never wanted to enter anything to do with business... My interest had always been Science and Music... and nothing more than that..... Not long after i started school... I got to know a group of fun friends full of integrity!!!! That's why i consider myself lucky as compared to my other frenz... hehehe... They had inspired me to study hard... though i think i play even harder... haha... somtimes even slept in lectures... haha... Can still remember the first time i took a prize... Scored distinction... That was so shiok man!!! haha.. had never scored so well before... Finally i can show mummy that i like school again... i love to study again... i love projects... And finally..... mummy and daddy is able to witness me on stage... receiving a prize... infront of the whole (almost) division.... though is the second time for mummy... the first was during primary 5... and after that she never got any chance to see me on stage again.... I was sad to leave my frenz... but i am happy to move on with my life... looking for more excitement than to study.... At this point... anyone reading will think that i will stop studying... you are wrong!!! i will continue to pursue my degree... in months to come... this time... i will fly the whole family to Australia to witness my graduation!!!

Boyfriends.............

Sometimes i just think that it is not easy to manage a relationshipwhen the time of both parties really crash... Why am i always seem to be at fault when i really have no time for him?? He did not complain, instead, it's my family who complained.... I tried all means to spare my time for him.... I have rehearsals every saturday afternoon till night for Taurus Concert... Think will be spending alot of time for Mercury Mock Concert as well.... My weekdays are burnt from my work and concert rehearsals... so are my weekends.... I just wanna spend more time with my family... At the same time i have to give myself a break from work by enjoying outside... When its time to play i wont work... So when he is out every weekends, i tried to accompany him... Though i have my time constraint too..... I had always been as free as bird... not to mention when my parents ground me la... and i still think that its kinda sudden for me to change my lifestyle to suit another person's slot... Maybe its the thinking that makes everything work... Some gals cant live without boyfriends while some are vice versa...... So i am not the weird one... Considering i have company (gals like me).... hehe... Sometimes i really cant differentiate between infatuation and like..... I know that my boyfriend is every gal's dream (maybe)... A good guy who possess good characteristics and look (especially the height).... but he is still childish and not sensitive enough.... At this point of time... Some who are reading this may disagree... but you wont know until you are his girlfriend....... I agree i am very fierce.... but i just dun understand why i just duno how to communicate properly with him... i cant understand his thinking.. he cant understand mine too....

Ride to IMM

Ha... My mum and dad finally wanted to boast my confidence... They had allowed me to drive them, as well as er jie and little Ethylyn to IMM from home... Juz that i cant park there.... Shiok man... finally can drive a longer distance.... though my family is quite scared to sit in the first time, i can proudly says that i am really good that day... Oopss... seems like i forgot to say when... Its a sunday!!! A family day!!! Recently i also found that my gastric is not feeling very well..... think most prob my gastric flu is coming... showing signs of it.... Feel like vomitting everytime i eat... Cant eat alot also... No appetite to eat at all.... Yesterday went Goodwood Park for high tea i also didnt eat much, even when i juz had a pandan cake for breakfast only.... Wat the.... The high tea there.... not really very nice la... so so lor... i still prefer Shangri-La weekends dinner buffet!!! that's the bez!!! even the bread and butter pudding at Goodwood Park cant be compared!!!!

dAddy'S n!tEmArE!!!

Hehehehe.... drove my dad's car yesterday.... SHIOK MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Daddy spoke like a tester which really pressurized me alot... One thing is also becoz he is a very very very EXPERIENCED driver.... And i juz got my license... His Kangoo is also not ez... The cluthch, accelerator and break are all so difficult to step... Now i realise why daddy and uncle Lim (BIL) cant feel the speed of the van... I myself also cant feel it.... hahaha... Can easily drive to 60km/h!!! hahaha... SHIOK man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

th!S !S thE dev!l!sH clasS thaT caN makE lecturerS screaM!!!! 

yeO tooK th!S w!F h!S d!g! caM... 

anD theM toO 

! luV eM 

foO y!N'S 21sT b!rthdaY...!!!!  

pennY looK sleepY... mY makeuP waS noT n!cE thaT daY toO... 

5 emot!onaL babeS 

BorinG OfFicE L!fE

Sianz man...... So tired with office life..... This is SO SO SO boring lor...... Juz cant stick my butt to that stupid chair.... Dealing with all the stupid systems can make me cry man.... How i wish i cn go back to school man... I miz school... I miz the food.... I miz my frenz....

med!caL checkuP...

Went for my medical checkup today at CMPB... Think is quite fun actually.... Hahahahha... Quitefunny there also... Ok let me think... Not sure whether is the first time i strip infront of a lady (i mean someone i duno)... I think so... hahhahah... But anyway... i noticed that the guys there are quite funny... Maybe because most of the time they see guys going for checkups and are quite sick of that, some more they themselves are guys... I could feel that they are actually a little excited to see a few gals around.. Woah... you can really see that the different attitude they possess towards guys and gals... They talked to the guys rudely while they treated the gals so gently... Erm... And i am also not so easy when people started to address me as Ms Teo... Actually almost told them to call me Gina.. hahhaa.. but is alright... Quite fun as a whole.. As i went with Serene and Meiling... not that bored... gotta chat with the gals who went there for checkup also... Hahahhaa... what a wet and fun day!! Yah!! I got Pes A for the result... Think i am fit enough for the job... Hahahhaa...