bye 2007

People will usually come out with their new year resolution today because this is the last day of new year... as for me.. i cant help but to feel lonely today.. i miss dear so much.. it seems like the 2 weeks are passing very very slowly... i miss him so much... kinda feel lost without him.. why?? i don't know either.. dun feel like putting on make up today.. dun feel like looking pretty today.. what a disappointing last day of the year...

A late Xmas

If anyone ever asked me what is the best Xmas gift i had ever received, i would have replied its this late Xmas card. WHY? I was so down and disappointed this week because my New Year and Xmas would be kinda boring as dear wasn't around for our first festival. BUT....

Yesterday i did not go for dinner with Adrian because it was Ming's farewell at his place. Ming is gonna return to Taiwan and this may be the last time i can taste his food!! ok, i am greedy. So to join in the "see Ming for the last time" action, i gotta postpone the dinner with Adrian again. Returned home real late yesterday night after 12 and decided to look at my CC bill when i saw this red envelope on my desk. It's obviously a card under the red envelope; the first thought that came into my mind was "Oh my god! Who's getting married??" I flipped over to the other side and observed the envelope with care when i saw the address at the corner, i smiled. Its dear's address, and why would he send me a card? I opened the card with care and read the content of the greeting card! It felt so sweet. Dear's card removed my fatigue and filled me with love. It broght back my memory to why he wants to post something at the airport and asked me to get some drinks from Starbucks. I didn't even know that he has a card in his bag when i was at his place while he packed it!

This is really sweet! i know he won't read my blog but i still wanna thank him for keeping my disappointment in mind.

New skin again!!

buahahaha!! Yes! I changed my skin again. Think i always have the tendency to change my skin super often. I am quite happy with this skin because i was the one who changed the font to my fav and the size to a big one!! What do you think of this skin?? nice??

Haha!! so tiring. Gotta go for a dinner with Adrian tonight and rush home to video call my POOH!! buahahaa!! ya, i forgot that QS, YX, SA and BH think that dear look like Winnie the Pooh. Especially after they met him in person, they think that he really resembles the disney character. Jie Jie also agrees after i told her that. I felt that he does resembles Pooh after staring at the Pooh sticker in the bathroom for 20 mins while i was bathing. Buahaha!! Can't wait till next friday when he return Spore. Though its just a short stay for probably 30 hours before he fly to Austria, i am still happy that i can see him after 2 weeks! Really looking forward to see him.....

Down on luck

Think i am kinda unlucky after i changed my job.. seriously wondering if it is my fault or is this some kinda message god i trying to tell me.. ever since i took after this customer, noting good had ever happened.. i'm always making mistakes and the irritating customeralways have different questions which i don't have the final answer... OMG! how can my dream job turn out to be a nightmare??? i have to endure it.. i told myself to bear with the long distant for 3 years and this is just 1.5 mths after i started my new job... i gotta hypnotize myself now..

i can do it.. i can do it... i can do it.. i can do it... this is my career... this is my career... this is my career... this is the right turn... this is the right turn... this is the right turn...

sometimes i really regret leaving SEZ... probably is because of the amount of money i am able to earn there... though my current work place pay me quite well.. but the travelling itself can kill me.. i don't mind coming to work early.. but i realized that i am not willing to stay long.. because the time i reach home will be very very late... ok.. for the sake of this job title and my future... i shall grab on to this job...

Haagen Das Foundue~

Hahaha!! the day before dear fly we decided to spend his haagen das voucher... so.. to prevent any troubles.. we decided to order fondue.. he wasn't particularly interested in chocolate... but to accompany his girlfriend.. he had to eat it... buahaha..

Monday blues

Oh.. can't get to sleep yesterday night... woke up every few hours just to realise that my throat still hurts alot... had a really eventful weekend.. went to ex company's DND and had a crazy night.. well.. lazy me still had yet load the photos to my lappy... procretinating again... met BH and YX yesterday for dinner!! BH is back!! yeah!! if there's no change of plan.. we shall all go club after QS mummy's birthday celebration!!! yeah!!!

Weekend

Oh...What a tiring weekend... had the family chalet last weekend and stayed on friday only... my back was so painful on staurday i cant even walk.. dear have to send me home at night... it was very fun and i was enjoying it until my camera has this "lens error" message.. got it changed yesterday... i just got it from the IT fair 1 week ago and it is spoiled now! Gotta sense it since the first day i on the camera it already prompted this error but was recovered until my fun photo taking session...

I wasn't quite happy on saturday as well.. i went to dear's place to meet him because we have to go to my aunty's place to pick up some things before we go Pasir Ris.. when we were about to leave his house his nephew shouted "jiu jiu (uncle), po po (grandma) said that your girlfriend very naughty. always come to our house!" i guess whoever who heard this would definately react the same way as i did... i treated it as nothing and was boiling in me.. WTF! i asked dear in the car if what his nephew had said is true and he couldn't answer me.. dear said i was very petty to be angry and indeed i am petty.. so what if i am petty?! don 't i have the right to be even angry at all?? i wanted to spend more time with him and is trying to accomodate into both our schedule... when he was studying for his exam i went to get him his camera.. Q for so long ignoring my aching back and brought him the camera... and since he like to watch soccer so much and to spend more time with him i would rather watch the boring games with him at the same time enjoy our wine and this is the comment i get in return?! OK FINE! i told him i will not go over his place anymore! and i told myself not even a dinner or stepping into that place! i am super angry with it... and since his mum doesn't like him to stay over at my place.. that shall be it.. it is not as if my mum likes me to stay at his place as well...

if u ever asked me why do i believe in this nephew.. well.. anyone should understand that children are usually very honest..and when he asked his nephew not to be rude his nephew said its true.. that's what dear's mum had said.. IF anyone who read this will not get angry with the above mentioned comment by my dear's nephew please let me know and tell me how i can stop being angry.. i am still boiling in me and i did told dear staight in his face yesterday that i will stop going over his place... so angry... i really fully agree with what CW had said bout women of this particular dialect!

Crazy Monday

Guess i was really mad to do this... Was asked out by J yesterday night.. guess what time i reached home?? its 2am in the morning!!!!!!! and after sleeping for 3 hours i gotta get up.. OMG! no wonder i did not react to the alarm clock!! Ya.. we went Wala Wala for a drink.. sorry.. not a drink is 4 JUGS of beers!! damn.. We had the first 2.5 jugs before CW (that's the only guy) joined us... Three girls got so high on beers.. and in case you are wondering how can we get so high on beers i can tell you its because of this stupid game that we played.. the rules of the game goes like this.. winner will get the next person to drink and if that round of guess you did not get it.. you will have to drink at every wrong guess you've made.. so we were stuck several times and drank alot...

Our second round was at Stanley Pub.. went there to sing and DRINK again... at the end of the day... we were really very very high.. and as my friends know.. i don't look nice whe i am drunk so... i controlled!! Buahahahaa!! Really miss those Bintan days when we are there doing nothing and playing around, not forgetting... getting drunk... Took some photos yesterday night but had not loaded it.. shall share after i load it ;p

Weekend IT fair

Thought my weekend will be bored without dear? Buahaha.. nope! i spent most of my weekend Q-ing at the IT fair... it was very very crowded during weekend... went on both Saturday and Sunday... ALONE.. suppose to get dear his camera on Saturday.. who knows the queue is so long that i have to queue for 1.5 hours just to get his camera.. and the blur me in the end checked the free gifts instead of the camera.. guess what happened? the gu gu man gave me Ixu 70 instead of Ixus 75! which is bout $60 difference... of coz my Ixus 75 is much more expensive.. that's whhy went to exchange it on Sunday.. but that is not the only reason why i was there on Sunday.. i went to get my camera as well... hehehehe... I was chosing between Nikon and Sony.. in the end... i ended up chosing my favorite and most trusted brand -- NIKON!! S200... ok.. not a very new camera but was a slimmer one comparing to S510.. saw S510 thickness i almlost cried... guess this is quite a cheap deal.. $339 for a camera.. the online price is $439... bauhahahaha!!! yeah!! finally get my own camera!!

Think i had quite a few new gadgets last weekend.. collected my free lappy on Friday.. got a webcam for both dear and me on Saturday.. the webcam was from Logitech.. well.. another brand i trust.. it is 1.3 megapixel with an inbuilt mic.. Guess i dun need the mic.. but the picture quality was not bad and it wasn't that lag... and with my new cammy.. i declare myself broke...

thursday!!

yesh! finally its thursday and tomorrow is friday!! going for dinner with Jason and Joanne later in the evening... but having stomach cramp today... considered 1st day of mensus... had spots yesterday evening.. so lets consider it as first day today.. great! next week my memsus will end!!! but i am in pain... and i miss him alot.. its thursday.. 1 more week and his exam will be over!!!!!!

i miss you~

Its only 2 days and i am starting to miss dear so much... ya.. anyone can say that we are still in honeymoon mood... but... we had been hanging out for quite some time before we start our relationship.. so by right.. this should not be the case.. anyway.. its still the same... whether its honeymoon or not its a good news that i miss him right??? buahahahaha!!!

I had decided not to meet him this whole week... reason being he needs to study for his coming exam next week.. i shall give him peace this whole week... and probably will only meet him after he finish his exam next week.. these few days i guess is nothing comparing to the 1 month which he will be away from Dec to Jan.. We will miss our first Xmas and NewYear.. Haiz... I am not really having any season mood.. probably because of my new job and dear going away for business trips during this period..... Dec is coming and i am working real hard to plan for his Xmas Gift and Bday Gift.. Valentines' Gift too.. OMG!!! All these events are so near to each other... Shit.. i am gonna be broke.. guess he is right to say that its better off to remain single.. buahahaha!!

wednesday mood

oohh.. noticed that i had not been blogging for bout 1 month... haiz... simply too lazy to blog.. had changed my job.. finally started at the new place.. CHANGI SOUTH!!!!! OMG!!!!! spent 4 hours travelling to and fro work...... yes i am crazy... i felt like giving up.. felt like asking mike if he still have that open position for me..... that was why i asked dear if i work in Tuas will he fetch me back for movie... he said probably will.. hmm... this sounds much better... certainly there are some reason i dun wana go to Tuas to work.. not for this moment... or rather not to accept mike's offer... i would like to work near my friends again.. but its just simply too difficult for the moment... i dun wana be invited to some unnecessary occassion....

I miz dear so much.... had not been clubbing for quite some time.. promised Joey that we will definately go clubbing when our budget is not that tight....

Crazy woman....

I was feeling rather crazy yesterday night after some beers and chivas.... not alot of it.. but i drank with an empty stomach it sent me to the hills.... it came across my mind on some question that i would like to know and i asked him yesterday night after i reached home... some girls will share my thoughts to whether their boyfriends are still in contact with their ex thus i asked him the same question... his answer to me was i was thinking too much... but he did answer my question after much persistent from me.... He always behave like this... there are certain things i know that he will answer me if i persist... well.. i will definately answer him if he asked me the same question....

J asked if i love him yesterday.. i dare not answer this question as i know i do but i am afraid of anything unhappy to happen.. you know.. we can never predict our future... At this point of time.. i just want him to be my last one... I can feel every bit of his love... and as usual.. we are another unusual couple who likes to irritate each other and at the same time we still care.. buahahaa!!! some times i wonder does he feels the same as me regarding our relationship...

Our 2 months!!!!!!

Ha! Its exactly 2 months!! not really exactly if we alk about hours... I don't think he remember... buahahaha.. maybe he does.. just that he pretend not to.. because he like to irritate me... well.. this kinda behaviour is vice versa... We will be going for dinner and movie tonight.. its my treat this time because i forgot my phone yesterday and he went to get it for me in the afternoon.. what a sweetie right??? Too bad he don't look like one.... buahahha!!! i miss him so much... buahahaha...

Feel~

Its coming 2 months next Friday.. its only so short to think about alot of future.. but the feeling in me just feels like it had been more dan 2 months.. thinking back on 12 Aug i will still feel the happiness... he knew what was in my mind back then and the words he said realy made me feel so happy... He called me yesterday night but i was already in LaLa land and don't quite remember what we spoke about.. I can only vaguely remember that he called that was the reason for me to check my phone early this morning.. i was trying hard not to call him and controlled until i went into my dreams... he will be having his test this week and is studying.. that was why i controlled myself and try not to call him... i was both happy and surprised that he called me...

i can sense his effort towards the relationship and i will try harder to be more understanding... We did not meet the last weekend.. guess we met enough during weekdays as it was like almost everyday thingy.. so i went to QS chalet on sat and he went to watch soccer with his friend after revision in school.. he did offer to drive me home after his Liverpool match because i had been sick the whole week.. and sat was quite bad also... buahaha!! but i had so much fun that i wanted to stay on... so he went back to sleep... I had always believe that we need a certain amount of personal time to spend with friends.. That's why i will still spend time with my friends and i wont restrict him to spend time with his friend... If it really unintentionally happened i hope he will voice out to make me realise it... Lastly.. i wanna say... I love you dear...

I dun wana lose you~

I just finish reading a very sad blog just now... for the whole 2 months entry from the blogger its nothing but sadness from the past relationship... i can feel her as i used to hurt people and was hurt in the end by others... that was the most horrible period of my life.. i thought i will not love anymore... i was wrong.. i am able to love but i was not able to trust.. i did told him that i know it is quite unfair for me to do this.. guess he somehow tried to accomodate my insecurity...

Sometimes certain things are really not meant to be known... what if one day you stumbled across some strange facts which you should not know?? How will you deal with it??? i was quite disturbed by my "discovery" and had chatted with J over this matter... it is my own choice because its my own luck to prop into it.. conclusion we drew was either to forget about everything and carry on being "happily ever after" or chose to investigate further and become "happily never after"... Like i had to the both Js i told.. for this time will will chose "happily ever after" because i was afraid that i will destroy my own happiness if i go deep into what i should not... It is not fair if i have to ask him to erase his past even if it is happy memory when sometimes i do go into my past memory... We do have memory... and every new future will eventually become part of our memory.. it is either we beautify it or we turns it ugly... i had enough of ugly past which i hate to face... i wanted to draw some beautiful picture with him... some nice and ever lasting picture...

I agree that i had been spending more time with him now adays... probably i had invaded into the precious time which he can be use to revise his work... but he is quite understanding and is willing to let me stay by him when he is doing his revision... in return i have to find things to do in order not to be bored... he may not be the perfect guy and may not be my dream man... as he had said.. he is from the reality not in the dream... but to me he is enough because he is willing to take my unreasonable and nonsense.. I love him... because I love him...

So tired~

I am so tired... did not have enough sleep recently.... this can be quite a torture... had tendered last week... gonna move my future to Changi South to work as a supply chain post... i was really happy that i was given the opportunity there...yesh.. its definately far from home... a 2 hrs ride at most.. iwill bear with it for a few years~!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesh! he had returned to Spore! went to the airport to fetch him that day... was so glad to see him again!!!!!!!!!! really find that our dating time is quite limited... i do miss him alot during my free time... so typical of me.. i think he is also the same... haha! so.. we will only think of each other when we are free huh....

So many 2 weeks

After 2 days of "not that much" communication... we finally talked over the phone yesterday... but he dropped me a bomb on Tuesday night... he is leaving this sunday... i was quite angry when i received the sudden message... I know that i can't be angry because there's no one to be angry with.. its not his fault that he have to go also... so i must be reasonable... haiz... so many 2 weeks!!

Missing him...

I should bear with this.. i have to... It is quite torturing though... I can't stop thinking of him... he is out some where in Singapore and I have to bear with this... There are certain thing which i dun know whether it would be appropriate for me to blog it as this is not a convenient time to do it.... Sometimes i dun even know if i had done the correct thing or said the correct words........ in a state of confusion... so sleepy now... hope he wont be caught in the stupid rain......

Weekend..

Oh.. this is a considered busy weekend.. haiz.. overspent this month and i need to save up for the next 2 months.. went out on saturday and sunday... really enjoyed these 2 days...

Preserve this....

I hope i won't lose this.. ya.. my sense of insecurity is working up again... i hope we can maintain this or move forward.. there are too much disappointment in my life.. i don't wana be disappointed and start all over again.. hmm... i was quite unreasonable yesterday night.. i missed him so much this 2 days.. and actually called him after my rehearsal.. as usual.. he chatted with me till i reach home and this time the conversation actually continued after i bathe.. haha!! he was working on his report when i called him... and the unreasonable me actually wanted him 2 put down his work and be a sweet someone for once to talk to me.. he actually did put down his work and chatted with me till 1 plus in the morning... haha!!! I wana see him this week...

Today's mood....

Came home this morning and couldn't get to sleep... I think da jie is right... sometimes certain things have to be clear especially in relationships.. i can't always be in some kinda relationship which is not recognise.. i don't even know who i am to him now.. are we good friend? or what..? i can never answer this question.. everyone around me is asking this question.. my answer is always "i don't know"... fact is i really don't know.. sometimes i really think that its also my fault that we are in this kinda situation now..
Yesterday he wanted to watch Liverpool's first match.. i can insist on going home after movie which will result in him missing the first part of the match... I can understand how disappointing will that be if he miss that so i suggested he watch his match first then send me home.. so we went to his place for him to watch his match while i surf net... I will ask myself why am i doing so much when i am not even his girlfriend... but.. i juz can't stand not treating him as good when he is so good to me.. Remember the last surprise which he missed?? The Phantom of the Opera incident.. now i know the answer to his reason to the "one month advance booking"... he actually got the ticket to "The King and I".. He told me over dinner yesterday and i don't look surprised... Fact is i really doesn't know how to react.. I am really happy that he did plan this (if this is not a one-sided feeling)...

NDP!!!

ok.. this is the first tme i watch NDP 'live' not from the TV!!! haha!!! ok... nothing that fascinating but is an experience not to be missed... like it alot.. kinda new experience...
Having my ice cream crave recently... really feels like eating ice cream... i want ice cream... i want ice cream...

grey.....

Why is everything so grey??? its always in this grey area.. i need to be patient i need to know what i am doing... being a female is so difficult... there are things which we can say or can't at certain time... everything we wanna say we gotta think twice... certain things its so difficult to hide... so whatz in a guy's mind??? maybe is my PMS controlling my emotions... but i really wana know wats in your mind... questions you don't wana answer i don't ask again.... but i really wanna know the answer!

Back from my short break...

ok.. went to Batam for a short break last weekend.... quite a relaxing one... lucky us when we stepped into the resort the sky starts to pour... and in the end we have to stay in the room for the whole afternoon... we went to reserve our spa retreat after lunch and we manage to get a slot at 9pm... so we went back to the room as it was rainy and he slept the whole afternoon and i watched disney channel for the whole afternoon... buahaha... probably i was disturbing him from his sleep most of the time because i hate to see people to sleep infront of me.. buahahaa!!! but i guess i was kind enough to let him have the bed in the afternoon because i went to the living room to watch tv... let me share some of the pictures..

Tired~

SUPER TIRED~!!! scratched my new watch during lunch just now... feels like going to genting for holiday.... but... haiz... dun talk about it... was actually quite happy coz this weekend has no rehearsal and i can go without lying.... but.. haiz... super sian... i wanna go away!!!!!!!!!! take a stupid rest and change my mood!!!

Haiz.. why do i feel so angry after hanging up....? by right i have no right to be angry... shit.. wat is wrong with me?? i am really tired by my mood swing... i am really not sure whether i am still reasonable to talk any more..

Female.....

Ok.. had a really weird dream yesterday night... dreamt of SL and we were bickering like before.. dun get the wrong idea... my before means the period of time when we were bout to end... think i had been thinking of what D had told me so much that i dreamt of him... Its not that i miss him... I do hate him till now.. but lets not talk about this...

Sometimes i think some female intuition is accurate... I am always not the kinda jealous girl whereby i get jealous easily... usually i only feel that when i felt threatened... I do admit that i am being unfair because of my past and this kinda feeling is always so strong when i see her with him.. ok.. tell me i am thinking too much.. she is only sitting beside him having lunch and bla bla.. think the worse thing is this photo which A had shown me... I am not trying to make her my enemy... sometimes certain feeling about me is very accurate and i trust my feelings when it comes... so this time round i decided to trust myself... ok.. who am i to be jealous? haiz..

I dun wanna be your friend....

Toni dear sent this song to a afew of us in office and i fell in love with it.....

I don't wanna see your face
I don't wanna hear your name
I don't wanna thing Just stay away baby
Don't wanna know if you're alright
Or what you're doin' with your life
Don't wanna hear you say you'll just stay in touch baby
I'll get by just fine
And if you're goin' then darlin' Goodbye, goodbye

Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
Don't expect me to be there
Don't think that it will be the way it was before
Don't think that I care
I'm not over you yet
And I don't wanna be your friend

I'll forget we ever met
I'll forget I ever let
Ever let you into this heart of mine baby
You just gotta let me be
You gotta keep away from me
'Cause all I want is just to be free from you baby
Don't you come around
And say you still care about me
Just go now, go now

Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
Don't expect me to be there
Don't think that it will be the way it was before
Don't think that I care I'm not over you yet
And I don't wanna be your friend

You take it casually, baby it's killing me Goodbye, goodbye
Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
Don't expect me to be there
Don't think that it will be the way it was before No baby
Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
I'm not over you yet
And I don't want to be your friend
I don't want to be your friend
Don't call me Don't come around And I don't wanna be your friend

Feeling lost again....

Had a talk with CL last night.. it just felt like we were back in school days when we will chat and chat non-stop over the phone for hours... but as we grow older... the conversation shortened and everything will end short and sweet... well this time is my problem... it used to be most of his problem whe he will call and chat... Its been so long since we last chat over the phone.. most of the time we will do it over MSN... which i hate most because he can't fully express his crude honesty through the words... even when his language is powerful... i will only feel the kinda impact and sent me crying till i sleep at night through phone conversation... ya.. that's the impact he gave me last night... i was feeling very lost recently... That is why i decided to chat with him... Just like QS, i don't have to explain much to describe much he will know what i wanna expresss... he can easily read me like a book... ok.. that goes without saying as we had known each other for for bout 14 years... he knew what i was thinking and deep down into my fault... where i refuse to let go... Oh my... that kinda words and feelings came from him through the phone caused my warm tears to flow down my cold cheeks... i can feel the trace of every drop of tear... He probably knew that i am getting emotional when i hang up because i hang up before a long palse.... he really missed my attitude... and he doesn't really like this emotional me.. Where's my attitude...?

(not so excited) saturday....

Last Sat was really a long tiring saturday... in order to prepare myself for the events on sat.. i decided to stay home early on friday, sleep early and wake up to have breakfast with both my sisters and niece... I had the events for the evening planned until dinner only.... he was the one who planned the part after dinner.... Ok.. it started on monday when da jie asked me if i wanna do some baking on sat... a thought suddenly flashed into my mind.. i wanna bake something for him... and i was excited untiil thursday when he was quite unhappy over a "waiting" incident.. ok.. nvm.. J told me that the events on sat will wipe off the unhappiness.. though i don't quite agree... With the excitement gone... my sat wasn't that excited on he baking anymore... but i still carried on... Though the cake wasn't wholly done by me... i was involve in it and da jie helped me chose the nice beautiful ones for him.. hahaha!!! yeah... I really hoped that it will give him a BIG BIG surprise!!! i insisted him to fetch me at my place so that i could show him my "surprise"... He didnt really "looked" surprised but he told me that he was surprised when i asked him bout it.... hehehe... than i insisted him to finish the cake before we drove off for dinner at Sentosa... ya.. and he gobbled down the cakes... i prepared 2 cakes for him and he ate it in 2 mouth.... but i was still happy that i am able to pop such surprise... there's nothing happier than to see him eat what you had prepared.. hahahaha!!!!

Surprise???

Hmm.. i am so tired recently.... didnt really have a very good sleep last weekend... and my weekdays are mostly busy also... But da jie just bomb me some excitement on my boring unlucky monday... hahhahaa!! i will be preparing a surprise... so happy.. had not been doing this kinda stupid, silly things for some times and here i am excited again because i will be doing it again... wahahahaha!!! so happy!!! thou tired.. buahahahaha!!!

Bored~

Diao.. super bored.. what can i do???i m dying....

sick~

Diao... having backache from my dance and worse of all the flu and cough... haiz.. backache plus sneeze and cough = pain x 2!! you can feel the emphasis on the back when you sneeze and cough... feeling so dizzy now.. can't even stand this morning and now i m sitting at such weird position because the change of position will incurr the pain and i will shout! haha.. had such a difficult time... my gals are complaining that i am so busy to meet them... in fact yes i am busy... I hope i have more time to spend... or even sleep..... cant get up this morning.... the pain was horrible when i tried to sit up and bend down... i can't even lift myself up.... feel so sleepy now...

Envy me???

I was chatting with W this morning... i told her bout my recent happenings coz it happened so much that our clique of 3 cute gals are in love with the "wrong" guys... She told me that she had always envied my freedom... i can go out with whoever without reporting to any one... sometimes she just wish that she is able to live in this kinda life for a period of time... i told her.. behind all the independence and freedom i hold.. its another kinda lonely life style.... that is why i am drowning myself in the rehearsals and entertainment... its difficult when you cant just be weak for a moment.. ya.. at this point of time.. i have to admit that i am also a female... though not faminine enough but sometimes i yearn for a person to hold me tight n bury me into his chest... Should i succumb to fate? i am not someone who believe in destiny... cumon... we create our fate...
W is not the only one who envied me... S did said that to be once i think... how she wish she is single... diao... why girls happily attahced will envy a lonely girl like me... I don't used to think that being alone is a scary thing until recently.... i have to admit that i don't wana be left on the shelf... if i am not this picky... to chose the one i like.. guess i will be attached now... too bad... this stubborn girl here just like to chose the one she like... and she always believe in her choice instead of situations when people chose her... but take a look at what i have now... my choice wasn't the best... definately is unbelievable... its so different.. but i like him.. and in the end he might not like me.. why am i so persistant?? Since he is not the best.. what am i thinking?? i am thinking of him... i can't stop myself.. it always happened that i said one thing and i will contradict myself the next moment... i need advice!

New skin!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've change it again!!! hows this new skin??? Its in my favorite color!! green!!!!!! so tired recently... had not been sleeping enough plus flu plus gastric pain... haiz.... my health is failing... getting older... Went out with my gal friend on tuesday and was really tired... had dinner at budget T.. We always like to have exortic choice for dinner... had been reaching home late and did not really talk to mummy these few days.. i hate it when we are lack of communication... the ending will always turn out bad... we will quarrel and argue and i will feel guilty... haiz.. why can't my parents just express their love openly instead of their children taking the initiative... This is so sad... *sob*

Saturday Night...

Ya.. its a night full of 30 mins.. after dining with the family i went home, change and went out again when my BEZ fren called.... she had happily arranged a last minute matchmake for me because i laughed at her the other time she had one... Ok.. the whole matchmaking session was fast, shocking, surprising and embarrassing... fainted.. I hopped onto her car and the next thing she told me is.. she had arranged to meet this korean guy with intentions to introduce to me... Hmm.. at least that guy managed to get us a drink before he left to pick his father from the airport... and again.. this BEZ fren of mine had successfully mde me drink my beer so fast just because she was drinking CJ (cranberry juice) on the rock... !#@!@!
I should actually thank this friend of mine so much.... i had been on her emergency call list for years until last 2 years i happened to changed 3 boyfriends in a year and after that i returned to her emergency call list.... what the... this is what i call.. fate...

Happy or not???

Guess feeling happy is quite easy for any one when they are with someone who they think is able to make them happy... why do i say that? ok.. say that i am silly and contradicting myself from my previous blog... I had not went out with him for 2 weeks.... and we went out for a movie yesterday evening.. both of us are in white.. wat a coincidence.... hahaha!! and we were on the phone talking with each other when we happened to be opposite each other.... hahaha!! ok.. let me talk about wednesday night... i was lazily watching tv on mummy's bed when i received his sms.. asking me 2 go St. James... i said i will meet him there but in the end i became a pilot myself... i was already in bed when he sms me to inform me that he had already went in bla bla thats why i did not reply his smses... guess he felt soething real wrong and he asked if i was going.. i said nope.. coz i gotta wake up early... buaahahah!!
When i sms him yesterday afternoon he was already saying someone fly him plane... but i wasn't feeling so well when i met him yesterday.. having minor menstral cramp... this sent him to question why recently when he meet me i keep feeling unwell... hahahaa!! He had been quite nice... actually after 2 weeks of not meeting him i was all ready to return to my emergency call list queen... he really said somethings which made me real happy...
1. I was complaining to him bout how bias was mummy when she did not buy my favorite food when she went Malacca... and he asked me whatz my fav.. i told him its 马蹄酥.. he replied that he can get it for me when he go there next week... hmm.. it may appear to be nothing but it had made me quite happy.. hahahah!! guess i am really crazy....
2. i tied my hair yesterday and he commented that its nice.. hahaha!! Guess this kinda comment came from the right person...
The above mentioned 2 comments sent me to cloud 9 until now... wonder is it because my mensus had changed the hormones or he said the right thing...

Phobia...

Yesh.. my fear had surfaced again... i was having a chat with him on MSN on the sensitive topic which he had been avoiding all along... he asked me why do i like him and i can't answer it.. fact is i dun have an answer for this.. this is always like that.. how can i answer when i dun even know why... then when i asked him does he like me he replied that i know he wonot answer this.. yes.. but i hope that he will... it was on the next morning i realise that i wanna let go of the baggage on liking someone.. it did wake my fear to a certain point when he dun wanna answer me that question and we go ahead with the topic... well.. people who know me well knows me well will know my fear... i had a phobia ever since the last relationship... previously SL dun answer this question and expect me to find out myself... i had been convincing myself that he does love me as much as i love him.. but sweet dreams dun last.. nightmare came before i am prepared for any changes... a question which he dun answer means that he is not sure of the kinda feeling he had towards me... am i a lover? a sister? a good friend? or just a fling? until now.. he still can't convince himself either... it would be better if i remain my reservations and treat him as fling right from the start.. maybe this fear in me won't exist... now my subconcious had convinced myself to let go.. look for someone who will give me an answer to my questions.. so should i thank my fear??? or should i thank the couple who broke my heart??

Where should i go from here??

Had been thinking real hard bout this question since yesterday.. Mike had offered me a place at his company.. but i just can't let go of what i am doing now.. which i think that is much more better in terms of future... had a real bad quarrel with T yesterday... I sent out reminders on those which he had to follow up.. one of it is the relocation of one customer which had all the FSE and our boss in CC.. He wasn't happy with me including everyone in CC because it makes him feels that he is not following up.. fact is ya.. he is not following up! process had sent him their recommendations.. FS had sent him their recommendations.. and i had sent him my calculation.. all he have to do is to give his consent and that's it! happy ending.. but why is he holding on to all these?? I was soo angry that i told boss yesterday and he asked me to wait for his return and we shall talk about it face to face... i admitted that i was so angry that i cried... ok.. this is what happen in the room.. he asked me into the room and asked me am i trying to challenge him by sending that email.. i think he just simply read to much into the mail.. bad mood huh... fuck him! He shouted at me and the last sentence he said "I WANT YOU TO SIT HERE AND EXPLAIN TO ME YOUR PROPOSAL! TREAT IT AS I DIDNT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS!" mind my language.. i wanna say FUCK! my boss who is also his boss, the GM doesnt even speak to me in that manner! He is only a sales manager! yes.. i am a sales engineer but that doesnt mean he can shout at me... i cant take it anymore.. i dun wanna take this with that much emotions.. but he is making me fed up! i dun feel like talking to him at all other than anything about work.. haiz.. i really hope boss can be of some help which i think maybe he will maybe he wont.. god! help me!!

New hair!!

Went to JB for some shopping and food yesterday.. it was definately 100% enjoyable... the clothes there are so so... not much of things to shop... bought a pair of shoes and a dress.. had a new hair color... buahahaa!!! it was definately cheap! 1/2 of what i pay in Singapore... and i am quite happy with the color... too bad i cant change my hairstyle.. gotta bear with this boring hair for few more months before i can change it... haiz... went for fresh seafood at night... buahjahaha!!

Alone.....

Sometimes being alone is not a bad thing... it lightens up my mood and most of all allow me to do some thinking.. or rather not to think of any thing at all... I was alone this afternoon after lunch.. took a long bus ride from JP to Vivo... then catch a movie in GV Gold Class theatre.. yesh.. at this point of time some may be thinking that i am a freak to catch a movie on my own... For your information.. this is something S and myself had been talking about few years ago when we were still in Poly... We can shop alone.. swim alone... do anything alone... but we had not tried watching movie alone... well.. i made the first step to do something which i had not done for the past 22 years... but in a luxury way because i was watching a show in the Gold Class theatre... buahahaa!!! I was in the bus and i saw alont alot of students.. well.. i think people might be thinking that i am from poly... reason number 1.. when i went to pizza hut with some of the ex colleagues the waiter asked if we have a student around... for your information again.. they are all in office wear.. buahahahaha!!! ok.. in case you are curious at this point of time.. i am in Polo Tee and a plated mini skirt today... with a big big bag... juz like any other student who is about to go to school or back from school... buahaha!!!
i was walking around shopping... and i realise that i love.. to buy shoes recently.. i cant help buying shoes!! buahaha!!! think i will be scolded by my mum if i dun stop my shopping habit.. and one last thing to end this post... Wild Hogs is a nice movie... i was laughing so loudly in the theatre myself.. and was so afraid that people will start throwing their food at me... ;p

unfaithful freak....

I can't help thinking of him today.... Ya.. i am going out for a dinner and movie... hopefully nothing more than that... had been thinking alot bout him... All 明姐 fault... it makes me feels like an unfaithful freak... but there's nothing to feel bad about... i am still myself... so i have the freedom to go out with any one i like... buahaha!!! honestly... today i will be putting the guy on a test... had been rejecting this guy all the while... most prob will reject him if he ever ask that again... buahahaha!!! oh no!! what am i thinking???? i need a good rest.... Genting!!! or Aussie!!!!

A new chance

OK!!! I am single and very available and i dun wanna be left on the shelf!!!! buahahaha!! had been emphasizing this alot recently... and i guess maybe a matchmaking session will be following up very very soon... buahaha... Joan was asking if i can accept caucassians because... she is aiming to go Genting with some "we-know-who" guys... and if possible.... buahaha!! I can say that i am semi-prepared to carry on with the plan... Though i dun think any thing good will happen to me because nothing good had ever happened to me.... I was joking with Fuyuan if he got any guy friend who is just like me... because i kinda know the guys he hang out with... buahahha!! i mean.. know as in because they are my seniors in secondary school and i know their looks... and he actually took me for real i think! he asked me if i wants his good friend WW....!!!! buahahaha!! what a joke! Haiz.. but come to think of that.. if Joan never asked me how long i had been single... guess i will start to lose count on that also... She said... not counting the weekdays lovers... i had been single for about more than 1 year... she doesn't like me to consider my last 2 relationships as a true relationships because the 2 guys SUCKS right to the core!! hope you wont mind my language... but its a fact that nobody can deny.. i love them both equally and was at the same time hurt by them equally.... Sometimes i just cant help thinking that maybe its because my age is catching up... there are alot of things i cant bear to press the restart button... how can i ever be so stubborn??? i dun have the courage to restart alot of things again... i am no very young anymore...

It is just like how many more years can i spend on another relationship that will fail? I told Adrian that also... There are so many times i had been telling myself that i dun wanna be a 3rd party anymore.... That is why i gets very careful when i deal with attahced guys.... being twice is enough... i dun have the courage to mess up people and my own relationship... that is why.. when i see my friend now.. walking on the same old, familiar road which i had went through made me felt really sad... but at this point of time... i know that no matter how many negative comments the surrounding people gave.. nothing can change her mind.. unless she chose to leave.... I can say that i am so used to this kinda secretive relationship that i am abit tired of it... hmm... guess because of that i am suffering from weak heart now.. buahaha.... and not forgetting... introducing a real boyfriend to my family and friends had become a dream which i can be real proud of... guess my relative had not been seeing me bringing some guys to introduce to them after Parry ya... and that was 2 years ago.. just realised that after talking to my sister on some events which happened near the time i broke off with him... so ignoring my 1 year of unhealthy relationships with that 2 idiots... i had not really go on some real date for this long... hmm.. its ok la... this is a routine that will always happen to me... nothing really matters... because... i believe i wont do stupid things which involve any unhealthy relationships anymore... wahahaha!!!

crazy things

I think i had done something real crazy.... but i can't recall any... spent a damn bloody busy weekend with my sister and friends... went shopping with sister in the afternoon and had a drink with Adrian at night... suppose to meet S and YX to club at Chijmes... but these two pilots had learnt the art of A380... that's why i met up with Adrian and we had a drink and chatted until bout 3 am when he drove me home... i was damn tired i slept in his car.... buahhaa.. possibly a little drunk also.. Met up with one of the aeroplane queen today... buahaha and that's S!! we dressed up and shop at Marina Square (AGAIN!!)... was there on saturday and last friday.... got myself a bag from Guess.. and she also bought a cardigan from Esprit... we are the gals who like to spend... buahahha!! had a very good chat with her... think this is the first after she return from Aussie... and she was telling me how good it is to be able to enjoy singlehood... but i told her... i had enough! buahaha... its like that everytime.. guys in my life will all appear at the same time i and i will be a casanova for that period... and after that... it seems like they are all dead... and none will appear.. *fainted* and now is the situation.... ya... i don't deny that being single is definately free and easy.. take me for example.. i can go any where i like as long as i am free!! and when i feel lazy i just laze at home.. watch all the downloaded movies in my harddisk... i report to nobody... i think this is the reason why my friends like to put me first on their emergency call list!!! buahahah!!! i should be more or less so used to so many things.. previously R and SL are the kind who won't be there for me during weekends and watever holidays... R gotta fly around and SL gotta be at home.... that's why Joanna said... i am so independent from my bf... and i can stand it when they dont call or answer my calls.... So who is to be blamed??? my luck???

Depression

Haiz... its quite depressing sometimes especially recently.. when all the negative comments starts to come in from the surrounding people.. from those whoever concerns.... Had heard this kinda comments for months previously and now its coming back.. but from different people.. those who used to say it are too tired to repeat.. and its really getting depressing to listen it again from a different group of people... what should i do????????? Haiz.. Maybe its really time to change my directions and carry on with something else.... I keep reminding people that i still have the time... but its really getting tiring to hang on to something without any return.... there are a few times when i was at the verge of giving up but insisted on hanging on in conclusion... what goes around comes around... since i insisted the way it is.. it always comes back to the start point after several turns... what should i do????????? may be this is a sign... the bla bla sign to show my way out... i am seriously considering the vietnam invititaion.... hoping that a new start will fall upon me.... should i shut myself down???? maybe for a few weeks??? ok.. lets give that some considerations...i need a new start.. some new batteries.. need to re-charge myself... my promise to myself before i went Bintan.. its time to fulfil that... promises are not meant to be broken....Only i can help myself now....

Photos

Here's some photots to share for my birthday and Bintan trip.... hehe...

Bye Tanah Merah!!! Welcome to our room!!

Unforgettable Bintan trip

Buahahahaha!! went to Bintan for a "wild" birthday get away last weeekend... It was definately and unfrogettable (even when i had forgotten what i had done)... wahahaha!! Guess it was so great that the 2 great friends who went with me definately enjoyed it so much by all my entertainments... I was so excited even before i reach Bintan.. i was yaking non stopp from S'pore to Bintan... pestered them to play banana boat.. and the three if us shouted like hell.. and snorkling which was so memorable.. it was a life and death experience on our way to the place where we snorkle... the boat is travelling like a roller coaster and we were shouting like HELL!!!! But the view after the hell ride was so nice and i was under the sea saying.. "fishy fishy"... buahahaah!! and at night.. we went for some drinks after dinner.. i really wonder is it because the KTV had too little crowd that the long island tea eventually turns out to be hard liquor tea... fainted.... after that we went to Silk for some clubing entertainment... had long island tea again.. i was damn high at that point of time when i was given another drink that killed me for the night... "waterfall".. shit! the cough syrup.... buahahaa... i remembered i was being walked back into the room by some people.. ( cant remember that much).. and i dun remember what happened... basically my 2 poor great friends gotta clear all my "shit" (they know what i mean) and rest for the day... the drink this time was really bad that i had gastric flu after the hangover.. i m still suffering from that now...

This kinda feeling~

I am angry!!!! Can't you see that? Don't you feel that? This is what i wanna tell you... but i can't bring myself to say it because i really don't know how to do it.... yesh! i had been very very patient with myself.. there are so many things i can't bring myself to ask it... ok... lets forget bout the things i can't ask... I am so tired of it.. i need a break.. cool myself down... think of what i really want... I don't wanna be the one who is always thinking of what's going on... it will reflect very bad on my mood...

Patience~

Patience is a word which you can never use on me.. because mine is limited... But one thing good.. is.. i noticed i had changed... Not only i had patiently deal with people these few months.. i had impressed myself by my waiting... And now.. i can say.. i am super tired of my patience...!!

How many years?

Had a very long chat with Joanna just now.. It had been such a long time since we last had a long chat at night.. We chatted on one topic which i think most females of our age will touch on... It is how many more years can we afford to spend hanging no where... She had always prepared to get married to her boyfriend.. one thing which i always envy.. She is quite settled down.. just that sometimes she is a little fickle minded when a new guy comes along.. but she will eventually chose her boyfriend.. My dear friend there.. i am waiting for you to get married and settle down so that you can stop thinking of who to chose.. buahaha!! At least she have a choice.. but for me?? Haha!! still hanging no where... I told her.. If i ever accept Jason.. then i will be after only his money... She asked me to nurture the love using time... but i really have no chemistry with Jason.. so why not instead of wasting both our time i shall carry on with my carefree life?? i had waste a total of 5 years waiting for a so called "right" guy.. how many 5 years do i have?? I really don't know..

Behind these hazel eyes...

I was seaching for the sound track of dreamgirls when i came across a song that is so familiar to my past... Behind these hazel eyes:

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Busy...

Hmm... sometimes i really wonder what is happening... being the youngest in the family.. i got the most attention from my parents now since my sisters are married... the lazy me dun like to do housework especially ironing... i will only iron my clothes once every few months.. or whenever i wanna wear it.. i don't know is it because mummy had us trained since young to be independent and act like a maid sometimes.. now.. after mummy stopped working in order to look after ethyl.. she will clean the floor every day by sweeping it.. and i will only vacuum and mop it during weekends... because my clothes are all piled up so high.. mummy ironed it for me yesterday... i hate it whenever she ironed it during week days.. because i was too tired to clear it after work.. i just wanna slack at home... my sisters will only blame me for all the grumbling.. now one question that you will raise.. why wouldn't mummy hang it up? because i told her millions of times not to do it... so.. make sure you understand your child'd habit or don't let your child do this kinda chores since she's young.. because.. i had been taking care of my own wardrobe since at such young age that my mum don't even know how i seperate my clothes... she will only mess up my wardrobe... the current thing that she will mess up are my undies... She didn't know how i arrange it and by throwing everything into my drawer means it will mess up my drawer.. so the main reason why i was so frustrated most of the time when i open my wardobe i think you should know why...

This is always a reason why my sisters won't understand why i always don't appreciate my mum when she help me with my chores... coz most of the time after she touched my things.. i have to arrange it again to suit my personal preference... which is what we call habit... one reason they never understand why i dislike travelling with the family is the word independence... they were attached at a young age and married at my age... the only reason i can come out with is their emotional attached to their husband had made them not able to understand me... i travelled with my aunties at a young age with alot of restrictions.. until i went overseas with my friends.. i enjoyed so much things and freedom which i didn't when i was young! and during my trip to Austria.. it wasn't a lonely one.. it was a quiet and enjoyable one! sometimes my sisters will say that they don't understand why i enjoy clubbing or hanging out till late so much... reason being.. i am bored... because i did not enjoy so much freedom when i was studying.. i am not emotionally attached like them... guess what they will never understand is the life of a young single.. Having all the friends and being bored at the same time.. when ever they are bored.. they can just look for their husband or boyfriend at that time.. did they ever experience the kind of feelings when you are alone at home not knowing who to call or what to do?? I have it since i was young.. I forgot how many years.. that is why i would rather go out alone and do some thinking while window shopping.. And that is also the reason why i can swim alone or sometimes even enjoy loneliness...

Idiot!!!!!!

Argh!!!!! Super tired... slept at 1 this morning.. coz i went for a movie which starts at 10.. Can't blame anyone... coz its my fault.. buahaha... 咎由自取.. coz i agreed to watch it... buahaha.. went to watch "The pursuit of happiness" coz cant get any tix for "300" or "Primeval".. Haiz... Ok.. nothing mch about the movie.. a normal movie which is quite inspiring and a little touching.. Sometimes i think watching such kinda show instead of any exciting, thrilling one can allow someone to think through alot of things... The show is not bad in whole... but this idiot.. sitting behind me is soooooo HORRIBLE!! he kicked my chair throughout the whole show.. in case you think that the space was too small for him to put his leg.. let me give a description of it... i watched it at Vivo.. coz its spacious and comfy for anyone including the long legs.. ok.. about the man who kicked my chair.. he is NOT TALL!!!!! approx. 170cm... He kicked my chair for so many times that i almost turned and scolded him in the middle of the show.. but i did not do it coz i dont wanna spoil the mood of the person accompanying me to the show... so i bear with it.. until some where in the middle of the show.. my partner asked me is it becoz somebody kicked me that made me so frustrated... and my answer is.. yes.. the asshole behind me is kicking me... i think i was loud enough for him to hear me.. but he did not stop! bloody hell... that's why at the end of the show i turned and stare at him and even when we left the cinema.. he was just beside me.. and i turned and stared at him.. I knew that he was walking behind me while we were outside the theatre.. and i purposely told my partner that there is this horrible idiot behind me kicking me thoughout the whole show... damn.. was cursing him... buahaha!! Guess he was embarrassed enough for me to stare at him most of the time after the show.. though i may not have the deadly stare which my 大姐 is famous at... but anyone around me can sense my temper.... buahaha...

hey long legs! if you guys ever watch any movie.. please sit at the front seat if your legs are too long!

I miss you...

I miss you~

Saw a kid ridding a bicycle yesterday... It reminds me so much of you... It seems like yesterday you were beside me.. teaching me how to ride a bicycle... The memories we shared were so limited.. Some times i can't help thinking if you are still around.. Who will i be now? I am a spoiled brat.. If you are still around.. I maybe a notorious spoiled brat... Maybe i will get all i want or anything i desired... I may not be as understanding and matured... My temper may not had changed... I may still be as rude to you... I can't help thinking.. If i did not speak to you that rudely that afternoon.. If i would call you 3 times a week.. If i talk to you more... spent more times with you.. took more photos with you... I had lost the last present you had bought for me... Mummy had thrown away all the teddy bears you had bought for me.. The only thing i have with me now is the photo which i had took with you when i was 4... This year.. is the 13th year without you.. Maybe if you are still around.. she may not be who she is now.. she need not have to live in loneliness and shut herself from her family.. I had been rude to her.. because i was so worried about her and her stubborness had made me angry... I know that i can't spend alot of time with her.. i had been using busy as an excuse...

I can still remember how tired i was during the 3 days funeral...how my dad got so angry with your family... I admit that sometimes.. i can hardly recall how you look like... i still miss you alot.. you like to bring me out for breakfast every sunday morning.. I had been going on a long term diet since my relative said i was fat 3 years ago... Can you see that i am a grown up now? Will you ever see me in heaven? I don't even see you in my dreams.. Can you see my performances on stage? I had learnt how to ride a bicycle 1 year after you left... I am still as clumsy.. i can't stop falling from the bicycle and even lost my way at Pulau Ubin... Do you know that the stubborn me had almost caused me to lose my family? I can't forget the accident... I wanna know what happen.. I was too young at that time.. I still remember that evening when i was preparing for dinner... If you are still around.. I know you will be proud to see i am now... If one can ever turn back time.. I will not allow you to go to work that day... I will spend more time talking to you.. play with you.. I miss you~

Removed from sad list...

Remove me from the sad list.. i am happy now! Now i realise how much money can make a woman happy... buahhaa.. even young woman like me can't deny the fact that the spendings had made my mood good!!! yesh! i am back in good mood from the previous horrible mood swing.. and that lasted so many months... from one cheerful young lady to one grumpy old woman.. buahahah!!! Of coz i have set several goals to make myself lose concentration on the unhappy things... realized how much my degree had cost me... my time.. during the course was so tight that i can't even breathe... mainly also because of the previous job and to cope with all work, family, studies and bf... now i realise that i was so good that i can cope everything during that period.. now.. without school.. i need to look for things to slot into the empty space.. and understand that from the empty space.. i tend to look into alot of sad past and make myself feel so bad... buahaha!! Now with most my empty space filled up with shopping and activities.. I need more sleep!!! think my main activity for this year will really be shopping.. maybe i should start my Masters journey earlier.. hmm... i think i need to go back to CO.. my 二胡 will spoil if i stop playing them... *fainted* ok.. should ask QS if she wanna go back since she promised me after she found a job... but she will be doing her PHD soon!!!!! haiz... darling and dear swore never to return to that place... not that i like that place alot.. even when "someone" will look down on me there.. but that's the place where i can really waste my time for sunday morning... dun think Helen is back also... shit! who will go back with me?? su an?? maybe i should drop this idea also... coz we seemed to be the most "unwelcome" group... of pretty babes! buahaha!!!

Correction

One correction for yesterday post... mummy did not buy the coffee.. daddy did.. one of it is for my BIL... haiz.. but its ok.. at least he brought me coffee.. no wonder he wake me up yesterday which is so not daddy's style to disturb me... went to grab my jeans yesterday at Orchard alone... and don't understand why i wanted to take a look at the phone... in the end i changed it!! i finally bought the new Samsung Z720 (black color)!!!! ok... because of this phone i can't go for holiday... fainted... Was so excited with my new phone that i cant even sleep... haiz... thats why i am so tired today.. walked into office in the morning and all my colleagues called me ang bao.. coz the major color on me is red... haiz... Seng is the worst.. ask me not to eat breakfast with him.. coz he dun want too much attention.. fainted...

Sweet Parents...

Buahaha!! woke up at 1145 this morning... was really damn tired... should have just lockd my door yesterday night... But its ok.. i know that my naughty mummy and daddy were just trying to disturb me from my beauty sleep... buahaha!! the so called punishment for returning home so early in the morning... at least i was earlier than friday or rather saturday morning... hmm... so how should i describe my parents? one huge word.. SWEET!!! I was so so so tired... fell dead on my bed.. and mummy came to my room to wake me up at 8 plus in the morning to remind me to switch off my aircon and wake up earlier to do housework... *fainted* daddy came into my room at 11 am to do the same thing since mummy went out... and to my surprise.. i found 2 packets of "kopi gao" (Thick coffee) hanging in kitchen!! buahaha!!! they must have planned to wake me up early and keep me awake using the coffees.. buahaha!! hmm.. in actual fact i think mummy went for her breakfast and get me my coffee early in the morning.. and daddy got me another one without noticing the one mummy bought... ok.. if you ever wonder how iknow the coffee belongs to me... reason being.. i am the only person who drink thick coffee with milk in this family... and is one REAL coffee addict... ok.. so given the sweet attention... i will definately clean up this dirty house... buahaha!!!! really felt so sweet and was so happy even when i am tired... guess mummy and daddy did the right thing,... coz their precious daughter here had been suffering from insomnia for few weeks and is still struggling to get enough rest... I LOVE YOU!!! MUMMY AND DADDY!!!

Another boring day~

Haiz~ save me from my boring job... sometimes i really love this job because of the job scope.. sometimes i just simply hate it.... It will makes me real bored when there is really nothing to do.. And it keeps me busy when its really busy... shit! can't we have anything that is evenly spread?? haiz~ i skyoed him yesterday.. was quite surprise that he replied to my message.. i thought that he will ignore me.. buahaha!!! well.. i am petty doesn't mean that he is.. He did not know that his colleague had actually told me bout him recently... i asked him for red packets.. just for fun.. acted ignorant... I admit i still think of him.. lucky i don't dream of him anymore... when i talk bout him with 二姐 she will still scold me for being so stupid.. buahaha.. ya.. i failed in certain things... to 二姐 i failed in cheating him finanacially since i can't get his love... buahaha... hmm.. well.. i can't say that he did not spend on me.. in fact he did.. hmm... may not be as much as he is willing to for D.... yesh.. ask for a failed "M".. I was one... I once told myself that i wont hate him.. but i was wrong.. when i was skyping him yesterday.. part of me is rejecting to receive more news bout him.. haiz... no!!!!!! i can't be so petty!!!!!!! He don't belong to me in the first place.. and our relationship ended so long ago.. few more months to one year... I have to forget bout him... forget.. forget.. forget..

New Skin Again!!!

Buahah!! was really bored in office... guess i am really so bored to change my skin in office again... hows this new skin? is abit suicidal i think.. at least it gave me this kinda feelings.. hmm... not that i am trying to recover from a broken heart.. just that hmm... i just like the layout and the whole of this blog... how is it?

Adding on.. i found one poem at jie jie's blog.. like this poem alot.. used to be my reply to SL for his question to keep me forever.. ok.. i shall stop here... dun wanna think about him.. or even link my surroundings with him...

it's fate which brought us together.. it's fate which made us friends... 3hundred 6ty 5 days... 8thousand 7hundred 6ty hours... 5hundred 25thousand 6hundred minutes... 315hundred 36thousand seconds... every day ; every hour; every minute ; every second... i'm thinking of you & i am yours forever

Back to good mood!!!

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! back to good mood... the shopping trip plus carrot's company had swept my bad mood away.. Thanks carrot!!!!!!!!! Took some real great photos with carrot today... look damn nice!! i meant the both of us look damn nice in the photos... (msg to qiuyi: dun get jealous.. you are at M'sia..) buahaha!!! poor carrot.. she gotta shop half of Orchard with me because i was considering whether to buy the jeans from Levis... buahaha!! In the end.. i bought it... wahaha!!! Wore an overall dress out today.. and was telling carrot about my plan to change my dressing... buahaha!! told her i should dress to show my character.. and i told her my shorts with suspender... wahaha!!! that's cool man!! really like my new style... was sooo.. tempted to buy shoe.. but cant... coz its cny.... hmm.. only had a meal today... and that's dinner.. wahaha!! woke up at 11 plus when carrot smsed me.. and lazy me only managed to leave my bed after 12... when i reached town it was around 4pm... was so hungry... so.. carrot accompany me to Paragon for an early dinner.. buahaha!! coz her cow cant walk when she is hungry.... buahaha.. leg is so painful now.. really wonder why... its like i had sprained my leg... guess is some old injury thingy... cant even walk properly now... haiz... Bai Hui is leaving tomorrow.. will really miss her...

The CNY mood

It is CNY and i cant even remove my bad mood totally... This year is really different... my 2nd sis was not able to join us for the reunion dinner and we can't gamble late at night in my room... Really miss her after she moved... come to think of that alot of unhappy things had happened to me after she moved out... maybe i shall ask her to move back and my luck will return.. wahahaha!!!

Recently i had been hearing those stories of "seriously hurt and dun dare to fall in love" stories from my frenz... Hmm.. guess that's something that will happen to everyone.. maybe its just a phase... came to realise that the term "seriously hurt" can be interpreted as "why would you fall for someone else?"... at least to me i feel that.. I had not been able to forget alot of things because i knew too much thngs... really feel like losing this part of the memory so that i won't link to much of my surroundings with whoever concerns.. Oh no... this is the same question i asked qiuyi then... but now.. its not hurting.. its kinda jealousy... qin shi said that my jealousy only proof that i felt inferior... Fact is i do feel that way.. and i am blaming myself for being too stupid...

CNY

I lurve CNY!!!!!!!!! Not because of the red packets.. because of the fun the family can have!!! Buahaha... gambled the whole day yesterday... and was shouting and talking so loudly he whole day i thought i am gonna lose my voice.... But i still lose money yesterday (Thanks to the unlucky mouth who said i will lose this year)... Really had a great fun time...

I discovered that i was behaving like a kid in front of mummy.. I will tell her what i want like a kid and mummy have to answer to all my questions... buahahaha!!! even yesterday.. she was talking to the cousins and aunties about the childrens' symptoms... like the behaviour of the first kid, second and the youngest child... ya.. i am the youngest in the family... poor me... always have to be the maid of the family... and what mummy said.. the youngest child's favorite question "why not jie jie?" buahahah!!! Haiz... now i am just like a 5 year old in a 21 year old body... I want mummy!!!!! buahahha!!!

Happy New Year to whoever reading this blog now!!!! This is the piggy year!!!! Actually its just another new year to me... buahaha!!! Mood had not recovered from the serious bad mood previously.. reached home around 5am this morning and slept at 5.30am.. was super tired because i have to wake up at 10.30am to bathe and go my god ma house.. One thing about the genes of our family.. we are all very very very straight forward... god ma bought me a bag... mummy discovered that the bag cost $22.. no wonder she told me that the bag is ex.. but.. she never realise that i am no longer the 5 year old kid.. The bag dun suit me and i told her that i dun use this kinda bag... guess that hurts her.. haiz.. no choice...

ya.. if you ever wonder why did i sleep soooooo late.. its because i was out again yesterday night... suppose to accompany Jason to shop for his new year clothes... but in the end.. i was the one doing the shopping.. bought a dress for the company dinner.. and fell in love with a dress at GAP.. the dress cost bout $100 and i was thinking of giving it up.. but Jason think i look really nice in that dress and paid for it.. haiz... We watched the mid-night Ghost Rider which ends around 2 plus.. He was quite good.. accompany me to dragonfly coz i was suppose to look for someone at Mono.. stayed there till 4 plus in the morning.. Guess Jason was crazy enough.. he sms me to be his girlfriend.. he knew that i liked somebody.. and my situation was like being poisoned by that person.. yet he still have the courage to ask this question... *clap hands* It came across my mind that why are both of this aquarius so different???

ok.. lets go back to the new year stuff... Forced my sis to buy me the farm bed sheet and quilt cover... buahaha lets take a look at the effect of the quilt cover.. personally.. i lurve it alot!!!! Finally!! I am sleeping in a farm!!!

Haiz.. today is a boring day.... its the big V day and i am alone... buahaha.. going home after work.. coz dun feel like going out.. Jason asked me out today.. but i turned it away coz i really dun feel like walkin on the streets witnessing all lovey dovey.. i will feel jealous... buahahha!!Received a sms this morning at 12 midnight.. i will take it as a mass sms from him.. though i received it 49 secs after midnight... but since i told myself forget about it i will try hard to forget... sad sad sad....

Su an was so cute yesterday at Mac... she said that she is gonna wait until 12 midnight and hold on tight to her phone in case someone asked her out at midnight.. buahaha!! ya.. in the end i got a sms from someone at 12 midnight.. thats very very funny.. Bai hui is going back next week... haiz.. Joanna invited me to her mini casino next tuesday!! yesh!!! she gonna donate money to Gina's foundation!!!! so excited.. realise that there are other happy things rather than to think of those frustrating matters... hmm.. hated this V day but enjoying as new year approaching!!!

New Phone?

Feel like changing my phone recently... was really quite tired of it.. saw nokia N95.. woah.. fell in lurve with it immediatelt.. but i guess that's gonna be a very very expensive one.. N93 is already 1K. this may be around that price.. Feel like changing to Z720 samsung..

Picture taken when i was damn bloody bored at home.. missing whoever... i know qiu yi will definately hate this picture.. coz she hated the one who bought me this soft toy... but i love this soft toy... Ethylyn knew its name... da tou (big head)...

Jaded...

Felt really worn out today... Went ktv until 12 this morning and went to bed at 1 plus... Super tired... This morning came into office after breakfast at 10am... and boss asked me into his room... Really was very nervous.. He told me that he wanted to discuss about bonus with me after lunch.. *fainted.. adredeline increasing... Guess i won't have any mood this lunch.. Keep thinking all the bad bad things like.. what if i don't get as much bonus to cover my recent expenses??? *fainted again* Wish me luck.... I don't wanna die young...

New skin!!!!

Finally changed my blog skin myself!!!!!!!

Hurt....

What a familiar word.... deep down from inside.... The wound opened again... now i understand that it will never heal.. no matter how long it takes... no matter how strong i am... it will continue to prove my weakness... reflected in the cold night and the nearing date when things ends... where the memories are buried... i dreamt of you several times these few nights... I can still recall the ashtray smell from your kisses..... My recent news of you is your step to proceed to a new future that you will never consider when you were with me... you had decided to leave her... and chose the one you told me you have a stronger feeling with...

i maybe hoping that you will be happy... but don't forget that i am also a woman... deep down.. i am still petty and selfish... the only reason which i can convince myself when you left me was because you had never love me at all... i admit that i did curse you two to end.. may not be now... but i do wish to see the ending... i am afraid to see you again... i am afraid that i can't hide the hatred in me... finally.. i can say that... I HATE YOU!!!

Horrible Idiot!

I WANNA SHOP!!!!!!! Haiz... I seriously why this horrible idiot can stop me from shopping... Finally last weekend had past... this is a damn horrible busy experience.. Last weekend was really a very very very very busy one.. lets start from friday.. had a mini celebration of Ken's birthday with the rest of the colleagues.. then, suppose to continue with YX at power house.. but went home instead.. coz she doesn't have the mood... Saturday went for training at customer's place starting from 12... then went home to sleep at 4... woke up at 6 and had my dinner then voom! to Dragonfly at 10... stayed till 3 plus in the morning and Ken sent me home... was super tired slept at 4 plus and woke up at 8 for a movie at 1050... then shop for a bag and a concert at 1530... had dinner after concert and had the urge to shop... But this horrible guy who went for the concert with me stopped me and asked me to shop next week instead!!! OMG!!! how can you stop a girl from shopping!!!!!!!! haiz... but the tired me went home after getting a top from Mphosis.... Slept in the car but was woke up when he purposely made a sharp turn at the NUS exit... bloody hell.. he can still asked me "you are really sleeping?" *fainted* OF COZ I AM!!!! when i reached home and realised that i forgot my keys... he can actually leave me at my door and walked away... OMG!!! He thought i was kidding! *fainted again*

SURRENDER!!!!!!!!!!

I surrender! Give up! I had already stepped out of my circle and move towards you... but the response from you is still the same... I really wonder did i do the right thing... I told him i dun wanna fall for someone who dun like me.. Isn't it very clear that i am telling him i like him? If he have his reserve and doesn't want any commitment than that shall be it... he can tell me straight.. I wont mind.. It is not like we can't be friends any more... Haiz... I really dun understand old man at all... CCL told me maybe he think that i am too young... Carrot told me she think he is not serious... no matter what.. I had surrendered... Put it behind and forget about it...

Hippest place in Singapore

I guess the recent most "in" place to club is the newly opened St. James Powerstation.. well... not really that fantastic after all.... Spent my xmas there last year.. was very fun at Power House... Guess because the crowd there that day was fun... but went there again last friday... not that good as compared to the other time... Had been clubbing non stop since xmas... haiz.... gonna try out the ladies night tomorrow... buahahaa!!! Carrot and Terese were shaking their head after friday... haiz... saddening... I got the membership there... guess that will be my often hangout..

Called carrot on saturday to ask what she wanna tell me on friday night... and after what she told me.. I chose to believe her hunch... She is always very correct.. I guess i really should stay as calm and patient towards alot of things... It sent me into thinking of alot of things... Damn frustrated... dats why went for a haircut after lunching with my family.. grandpa's birthday... Had my nails done also.. with crystals... Think its really time to doll myself up often... I wont stay young forever... As my birthday is nearing... really quite sad because getting old....